Janet Jackson Secret Baby???

So, how does a woman deny knowing if a child is hers or not? What kind of drugs was she given to not remember whether or not she had a child??

It is rumored that Janet Jackson had a child (a girl who is now 18) with James DeBarge of the DeBarge family. It took Janet years to ever confirm or acknowledge that she was married to the man and it was only during another divorce that it was confirmed that she WAS married to the man. Now she is denying knowing about a daughter. Supposably the child was raised by Rebbie (rhymes with Debbie) Jackson and not Janet. ( girl child, if you are reading this please know just how freaky the Jackson clan is and thank your lucky stars that ANYONE else raised you - oh and by the way, stay away from Uncle Mikey - even though he likes boys better than girls, still don't drink Jesus juice with the freakazoid).

Janet may be prettier than her brother (which I secretly believe he has pursued a bizarre wish to look just like her, just whiter) but I think she is just as whacky.

Oh well, I am sure some day this child will show up at Janet's door and ask, "What Have You Done For Me Lately?"

My Baseball Story...

Watching the Astros right now and hoping they pull a win tonight. Even if they don't win the series it would be nice to win at least one game!

The other day in the car, we had just dropped middle son off at school so just the youngest (8) was with me.

Radio Announcer: The Astros have never been to a World Series and they have been together for over 40 years!

Son: How old are those guys?

Mom: Well, its different guys each year.

Son: Oh, I thought maybe they had been playing together since they were kids.

Mom: (stifled giggle which resulted in a snort through the nose)

Celebrity Sightings!

I got to meet a celebrity yesterday! And, I have the photos to prove it.

Really! I got to meet the www.shenuts.com - better known as the Sarcastic Journalist. As you can see from the pics, she and Ellie are wayyyy cuter than me. We met for coffee with children in tow.

Scintillating conversation followed, methods for solving world hunger AND then fully loaded with caffeine we solved the issue of World Peace. Who knew McDonald's was such a thinktank? All of this was in between interruptions by David as to what items he wanted from a toy catalog, and what else could he eat, while Ellie tested Newton's law of gravity from her high chair.

Yes, I think we will do it again. What could be left? Curing diseases? How to make Manolo Blahnik's more affordable for the masses? There is nothing we can't handle.

The One that Didn't Get Away

Well, the maniacal killing spree was successful. This is the proud hunter with his prize. I am told that this is a "fallow" deer. Long story short, it is a bastard deer. I guess every now and then the axis deer breed with some other kind and this kind result. They are not considered as "valuable" (I'll bet his mother loved him anyway!). This one is considered valuable because it is this hunter's first, and is going to be mounted and displayed. The displayed part is still up for discussion. I don't want it on my walls. I do not subscribe to the "Dead Animal on Walls" decor. I believe that this is what the man-space is for!

Man-Space, noun, space above garage for men to do men things. Burp, fart, play poker, smoke cigars and watch sports. Use in a sentence: Hang your dead deer head in the man-space!

Crazy Life

I wrote over 10,000 words in my wannabee novel this weekend. My goal is 50,000 words by Oct. 31 and I am now at 36,017 (hey every single one counts!).

Please pray for a fellow blogger who is kind of a neighbor, www.debutaunt.com has found out that she has leukemia. She is a single mom and an awesome blogger so she needs everyone's thought and prayers to beat this stuff.

Hey Astros! Come home, get your shit together and beat Chicago! As my two younger boys say, "they got a stupid name! How can someone named White Sox beat us?"

I am keeping my fingers crossed the hubs gets offered World Series tickets. He went to oneof the playoff games and got offered tickets to another so it could happen....

That Little Green Monster...

This weekend I let the hubs take the middle son, a homicidal maniac, hunting.

Backstory: Hubs and I never even owned a gun. Owning 3 boys, why take the risk??? Plus, he and i just weren't into weaponry. Not unless its black leather baby!! ;)

Middle son is dying to kill innocent creatures. And, since I try and supply everything my children desire, make hubs take him on a maniacal killing spree. Run, bambi, run!!

Well, it left me with soccer practice last night, soccer game this morning, school festival all afternoon and yes, I worked two one hour shifts (I smell of chili now thank you!) and a kids Halloween party tonight, tomorrow morning I get to teach Sunday School to 8th graders by myself, and I have another 8 year old coming for practically the entire day so his daddy can go to the pro football game! Martyr complex??? You bet!

I'm having a pity party and jealous that my hubs is in the hill country!! So, party on with me. Oh yeah - Go Astros!!

Feeling My Way Around

Why is it some people just know exactly what they want to do with their life? Did they get a book or some special message when they were growing up? Was I absent the day it was handed out?

What's funny is I still feel like the me I was in my early 20's. Kind of feeling around trying different things on to see if they "fit" or if I like them. Except that now I am early 40's and I still don't know what I want to "do."

Okay, being a famous novelist and appearing on Good Morning America and Oprah are on my list. But I need to finish the famous novel first AND sell it. Really, my chances of winning the lottery are more likely.

I envy people who just know who they are and what they want to do. I am speaking more of women. These are probably the same women who loved having babies and raising them and felt so fulfilled. I love my kids too but I cannot say that the time when they were babies "fulfilled" me. More like wore me out, tore me down, made me more insecure than ever....shall I go on?

Nah, I guess I won't. But, maybe I will run up to the corner store and buy that lottery ticket.

Celebrity Hunk and What Makes Them Hunky??

Just watched the movie "Closer" last night with Jude Law and Clive Owen. Oh yeah, Julia Roberts and Natalie Portman were in it too.

What is it about Jude Law? If you look at him closely, his facial features aren't perfect, his hair is always messy, his nose is kinda funny. BUT, there is something about him. Let's just say, if I was his nanny, I would want to play pool too....

He kind of reminds me of Hugh Grant, another not perfect looking hunky hunk. I really love his witty reparatee. He always has a smart comment AND delivers it in an English accent. When I have a smart comment people just hear my Smart Ass accent.

Tom Cruise has officially moved out of the hunk category. He is now taking over for Howard Hughes. We've been waiting for the perfect whacko.

Back to the movie. Was this a movie about competition? I think the two men were competing from the moment Clive/Larry realized Jude/Dan had tricked him on the internet.

Update on one of my other hunks: Tommy Lee. He got burned at a concert in like Wisconsin or somewhere like that. Burns to his arm and face. I hope he's okay. I am predicting new tattoo in his future? Tommy Lee's own version of Mederma , skin care for scars.

Things I Noticed Today

First of all, pretty, beautiful, gorgeous weather here. A rarity in this dank, humid town.

Second, there is a grocery store in "China town" named Hung Dong. I can't even type it without cracking up AGAIN. I have giggled for the last two hours on that one.

Third, everyone owns an Astros shirt except for me. I do have a hat but cannot wear it. Hat Hair--need I say more?

Fourth, I bought some damn hot Ray Bans today then wore them to a football game until way after dark cuz I didn't want to take them off and remove my coolness.

If I Had a Girl Child

I have not been given the gift of a girl. God thought I was a really good boy mom and blessed me with three top of the line boys. BUT, I f I had a girl there would be some things in today's world that I would not do or let her do....

1. Wear shorts with words on the butt. Come on! You know that word is just to get people to look at the girl's butt.

2. Tattoo's or piercings (other than ears and only one hole each) before the age of 21.

3. Wear ho clothes. Go into Limited Too and look at how they want to dress 6 year olds! I have seen hookers on the street with more on!

4. Watch MTV or really any t.v. for that matter. If I had a girl chances are she would be NORMAL and not look like Pamela Lee or any of those fake sluttos. But my daughter would think that is what she was supposed to look like that and feel that she is less. The "feels like less" line forms behind me---and if anyone is going on Extreme Makeover it would be me. My daughter would have to wait her turn!!

It Ain't Easy Being Small

Almost thirteen year old middle son plays football. He had a game last night and started at cornerback. He played probably 3/4's of the game. I saw a few times where the other team guys were just so much bigger than he was that he just bounced off of them as he tried to stop their advance with the ball. He did everything he was supposed to do except that he's one of the smallest kids on the team. He's all heart though.

After the game, he got in the car and I could tell by the look on his face he was upset. On the verge of tears upset. So I said, "Good game" (we won). He just nodded. Then I said, "You played well." to which he shook his head no. I then asked, "Did the coaches yell at you or something?" And he shook his head no. Then I asked him, which I already knew that this was it, "Are you upset because of your size?" That's when the tears spilled over. He nodded and cried all the way home.

It was everything I could do not to cry with him. He can't do anything about his size. It's so frustrating and I don't know what to tell him. I can't make this all better with just a kiss, hug or a phone call to the proper authorities!

Three more games and then after Christmas he will be in track. Those damn hurdles better be pretty short or I will go out there with my hacksaw one night....late.

Pet Peeves #333-337

Obviously, I have a lot of pet peeves. Things that bug me. My husband would back me up on this and totally agree that yes, things can irritate the hell out of me. Here are just a few.

#333: Bad breath - Brushing isn't enough. MINTS or GUM is required if you need to lean in and talk!

#334: Bad drivers. Does anyone ever describe themselves as a bad driver though? Don't we all think we are good drivers? So who are these whackos who pull out right in front of you or don't speed up to enter the interstate?

#335: People who don't call when they say they will. Frustrating.

#336: When someone says they are too busy to do something but then they expect you to volunteer for it. Don't go there with me. I won't get into a "busy" contest, cuz I would win. But, people make time for what they want to make time for and thats all I have to say about that.

#337: "For A Limited Time Only" Deals. Fast food places are famous for this. What if I fall in love with this new menu item? Are you taunting me? Taco Bell took away Cheesaritos and I have never forgiven them. I still eat there all the time - I just haven't forgiven them.

Want to See Something Scary?

Don't do this unless you are ready to see something really scary AND you are over the age of 30.

Look into a mirror while hanging your head upside down. That's it but you'll see what I mean. Your cheeks will come up towards your eyes, all skin folds will move and it is scary ugly. I did this accidently one time while filing in a cabinet and there happened to be a full length mirror right behind it. Scared myself silly.

I am not the only person to have discovered this either. An acquaintance once was talking about this ugly phenomenon and said after she did this she couldn't ever take the top position during sex. She was afraid her husband would see this face while she leaned over him!!

Don't go crazy and swear off sex positions! Just turn the lights off!!

Growing Up

What did you want to be when you grew up? Throughout elementary I always marked the boxes in my book called "Debbie's School Years" that I wanted to be either a nurse or a stewardess. Yes, a stewardess. Haven't heard that word in a while have ya? No, now they are called Flight Attendants. Why does the job of being a flying waitress look so damn sexy? That's really all they are. Okay, so they have been trained to buckle a seat belt and fasten a mask around people's faces but otherwise, there is really no difference.

It still sounds so fun. See the World! Fly to exciting places! Have really handsome pilots try and give you the card key to their room!

I think I marked nurse just because it looked good. I liked the hats. You know the ones that look like upside down chinese take out boxes? Do nurses still wear those white hats? Why did they ever wear them? Its not like it keeps their hair from falling into an open wound. They would be required to wear hairnets then.

I wish I knew now what I want to be when I grow up. I am trying to be a writer. I doubt that it will pay much but thats what box I am marking right now.

Must Haves for Fall???

What is a fall must have? Last season it was something tweedy. Now I notice there are tweedy (no, not in bird - as in material) boots, purses and everything.

Is it boots? Torn up jeans? Camisole tops?

I bought some jeans the other day and now I know what I had been suspecting (and actually read about) there IS such a thing as Flattery Sizing. When I met my husband I weight 20 lbs. less than I do now. I was like almost anorexic. Now I am pleasingly plump. I wore a size 0 (yes, 0 as in ZERO, zilch, nada) then as time went on and with each child I added to the chassis. Here's the dealy-o, I have been wearing a size 4 ever since I hit about 115 lbs. I am now 128 and I have never changed sizes! Have I gained that 13 lbs all in my boobs (sometimes I think so)??? No, I know my gut is bad but still truck along all proud of my size 4's. Well, the other day I go to T.J. Maxx and found a pair of Tommy Hilfiger jeans and the size 4 was TOO BIG. Of course, I was like dancing a jig in the dressing room and then had to go out and find a size 2, which I like announced all the down the rows, "Have you seen a size 2 in these????" , "Hello, I need help, I am a size 2!"

When I got home and the oxygen was allowed to return to my brain I realized I had not changed. In fact, I have only gotten bigger. I had heard that companies were doing this Flattery Sizing. What used to be a size 2 was now a 4 so that women didn't have to go up a size. Who do they think they are?

THEY ARE BRILLIANT!!! Flattery will get you everywhere with me, babe.

Let's Celebrate Good Hormone Day!

How can I tell that its a good hormone day? Well, I don't hate myself for one thing. And, even though I haven't really lost any weight I don't feel like a cow. I feel very in control of my life and feel like I have accomplished a few things today. That's a good day. No, thats a great day!

In the last few months I have had days where I start crying and can't stop. Over commercials. Really stupid stuff. Over one of my children saying something that I can construe as ugly. Over how old I am. How ugly, stupid, lazy, worthless etc.etc. I could go on but you would get bored.

A few weeks ago I meant to go to the weight room and as I walked I started crying and I couldn't even stop there. I just kept walking and crying. I can't even remember what got me going that day. Doesn't take much.

Got me some hormone cream and that really seems to have helped. No more waking up at night all hot and bothered (no, not that kind or my hubby would be ixnay on the imcrea-ay.) N0, like super hot to where you must not only remove the covers from your body but THROW them off. Then you end up being wide awake. Thoughts like "Gee, could I have a massive fever?" Go through your head but you are not all delirious and you would be if you had that kind of fever.

So, lets all give a big shout out to hormone cream!!

New Diet

Once again, I have taken the vow to start a new diet. Not really a new diet, same one, just swearing this time to follow it.

I'm hungry right now.

I vow to low carb it until I drop 7 pounds. I would be perfect if I lost 7 lbs!! I just know if I lost 7 lbs. then I would be smarter, prettier and everything! Okay. just kidding. BUT, I would really like it if I lost 7 lbs.

Did I tell you that I'm hungry?

I have sworn to "eat right" so many times that I am sick of myself and sick to death of telling myself (as I eat that piece of cake at the birthday party - for God's sake, its a birthday cake! Isn't there a rule that everyone has to eat a piece or die?) that I will start TOMORROW. Well, its tomorrow. Right now.

I had a smoothie for breakfast (after run/walking for an hour), then a salad with chicken on it for lunch, diet coke for an afternoon snack then a bowl of Rice Krispies for dinner at 5. That's why I'm hungry. It's now after 9:30. Eating at night isn't an issue for me though so I will just go to bed hungry.

I AM hungry though.