It'll Rot Your Brain

There are many times it seems we are worshipping at the altar of T.V. here in the DebbieDoesLife household. Remember, I have 3 boys, four if you count the husband. Men love t.v. I think television may have been created just FOR men. The sports! The action! The music! The Girls Gone Wild commercials at 2 am!!

I try to curb the insanity around here. But every now and then, the evil idiot box scores a point.

In the past few days I have heard the two younger boys giggling about some show called Yo momma. I thought it was something from Nickelodeon. There are several silly non-animated shows on there and I just assumed this was one of them.

The other morning as we were getting ready for school the youngest starts telling me all these "Yo Momma" jokes that he learned while the older one was baby-sitting for us the night before. I was brushing my teeth and doing the whole "I'm only half paying attention to you because I am trying to get ready!" routine.

He started in on his monologue/recitation:

"Mom, these are really funny, listen to this!
Yo Momma is so fat that even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
Yo momma is so stupid, she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
Yo Momma is so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio!
Yo Momma is so stupid that she tried to put her M&M's in alphabetical order!"

About this time, my brushing arm slowed. Hmmmm, this didn't sound like Nickelodeon....

"Mom, listen to this....its the funniest one! Yo momma is so hairy, her nipples have afros!"

Son, Yo Momma thinks you just volunteered for an ass-chewin', I mean lesson on what are appropriate jokes and what are not. Damn t.v.

A Mother's Wish

Sibling rivalry. Those two words evoke different images for everyone. If you have just one child then you will smile indulgently and think "My children will not suffer from that because I will surround them with a bubble of love!" If you do have more than one child then you will desperately nod and hope that I am about to give you the answer to stopping those screaming fights - sorry.

I was the middle child between two boys. My brothers and I were four years apart and you would think that would have been enough to keep us from fighting. Wrong.

My younger brother irritated me by just entering the same room! My older brother tormented me constantly. Just between you and I, and I know you will never tell or use this against me, my brother had a nickname for me....Debbie Dog Face. What? Why didn't I name my blog that instead? Real funny - so funny I forgot to laugh!

WMD: Hot Wheels Race Track Strips! Superb weapons! They fit underneath a locked door to make a wonderfully irritating sound when whacked back and forth. Guaranteed to draw out the person who has locked themselves in... then, if you can't actually run as fast as your sibling, they give you that remaining few inches you lack to lay a whack on the back! Oh yeah, and they leave a mark. Score!

How often did we fight? Well, let's just say, if we were breathin', we were fightin'. It became a competitive sport in our house and we were soon to be asked to represent the U.S. at the Olympics!

I am not sure what my mother could have done to stop our bickering and fighting. My mom was the type that "just wanted everyone to be happy." She would seperate us constantly. My parents even bought a ginormous station wagon and then we actually had three seperate areas in which my brothers and I would have to sit. I'm surprised she didn't make us wear blindfolds because even seeing each other was a problem.

You see, I had perfected the Evil Eye. When I turned that sucker on you, you begged for mercy.

My mother cursed me, I mean wished for me to have children just like us someday. So far I have avoided the curse. My kids don't fight like we did. I'm sure its because I am such a good mother.

Where the heck did I leave my lucky rabbit's foot? Hey, are you sitting on my four leave clover? GET UP!! I need that!!!

P.S. It should be noted that my brothers and I are very close now. I haven't had the urge to whack them in years. Well, there was that one little comment last Thanksgiving....

Breaking Ground

We broke ground on the new house over a week ago. Actually, last Friday the slab was poured. I was expecting a cement truck to pull up and dump a load and guys to spread it around. NO, there were 20 cement trucks and a huge pumper truck that a guy operated by remote control. I am not a Tonka type of person but even I thought it was pretty cool. My hubby, the engineer, was in heaven.

Being the engineer that he is, he wants to pour over the plans 24-7, discuss ceiling treatments and of course, document photographically every last detail. When the guys were preparing the forms and laying the rebar and stuff in for the foundation hubby calls home and says, "Hey, can you run over and take a picture?" You know I am all about obeying the husband and stuff so of course answer back, "What? Why? Who wants to see something stupid like that?"

Picture this: my husband would have been the guy who would invite people over and then proceed to show them his 2,345 slides from the recent trip to North Dakota.

I felt bad after I said it cuz I ain't one to rain on his little parade. Okay, I'll go and do it.

I went over (our new lot is about 1/4 of a mile from where I live now!). Here are all these Mexican, oops, I mean immigrant, I mean soon to be striking, workers. Several had their shirts off and here is some gringo lady taking their picture.
This guy even started posing for me. Lucky me. They all started chattering in Spanish and I'm sure I heard this "Senora muy loco!"

Me?? A Celebrity??

I am ALL about being a celebrity! Yes, I want to carry a tiny dog around in my purse! Yes, I want to be known for having NO talent or making NO contribution to humanity! Yes, I want everyone to want to be me!

MIGNON over at Thought Concoction told me that my picture yesterday made me look like a cute Teri Garr (I am living on the fact that she put cute in front of that name). Then she asked me if I went to a website that she recently blogged about. No, I hadn't gone. I just knew that I would be told I looked like Shelley Winters or Margaret Cho or worse, Tinkerbell, you know, Paris's only true friend.

Yesterday, curiosity got the better of me and let me be a cautionary tale for the rest of you.

If you go to www.myheritage.com it will make you join as a member first. Then you upload a picture and it will give you a list of celebrities you resemble. And, may I add that having two eyes and a mouth guarantees you will resemble someone that looks like they are using a dart board to determine this.

Here is the picture that I uploaded. No, I don't think it makes me look like a celebrity but I needed a picture of just me that the "magical machine" could see.

Here is my ego-humbling list of celebrity look-a-likes

Mariah Carey (now I need emancipation)

Beyonce Knowles (why am I being compared to black women?? I don't even tan!)

Joan Collins (??)

Jeanne Moreau (the pic of her made her 100 if she was a day - and mighty unattractive)

Faye Dunaway

Meryl Streep (Hey, award winning!)

Joan Cusack (I am not flattered- funny but not flattering)

Miranda Richardson

Diane Kruger (now she is a hot blonde that I would LIKE to be compared to. Don't know who the hell she is but she is very pretty)

So, only go if you want a good laugh. And your self esteem is in good working order.

I Killed The Easter Bunny

I love all of the fun things that go with having kids. Getting to have Santa Claus visit my house and the Tooth Fairy sneaking into my kids rooms.

The Easter Bunny has not ever been my favorite though. It probably has to do with the live Easter bunnies that my parents gave my brother and I when I was about 4 years old. I went to check on them later that day and thought that my bunny was so much nicer than my brother's. His kept hopping all around and wouldn't let me pet it. Not like my nice bunny. WAIT! The bunny fell over stiff as a board when I pushed on him. Yes, he was deader than a doornail. I was thoroughly traumatized.

With my boys now, we put out baskets the night before Easter and each boy gets a giant chocolate bunny, candy and usually a movie (this years hit was Itune $$).

I am very good at being sneaky. Really. My sneakiness is legendary. This year I dropped the ball.

I went by the drug store to pick up something for a sick friend and while I was there did my Easter shopping. I put the bags in my backseat and went by the sick friend's house first. I visited for a bit and then headed home. Totally forgetting the other bags in the car.

I picked up the youngest (8) that afternoon from school and told him to get all his junk out of the backseat when we got home. Wherever he goes trash develops, shoes multiply and toys appear. My car was looking like we lived in it.

We pulled in the driveway and I proceeded to get out, get the mail etc. I noticed that D never got out of the car. Pretty soon the back door opens and I see his feet sticking out. I asked him, "What are you doing in there??"

He answers back with a comment that made my heart stop in my chest and chills run down my spine, "I LOVE chocolate bunnies!"

Holy Shit! I'd left all the bags back there!!!

He didn't really ask so that makes me wonder how strong his belief still was, but he was smart enough to keep quiet about it.

But, yes, I do believed that for the second time in my life I killed the Easter Bunny.

Oh well, here we are after church on Easter Sunday. I didn't realize until after the picture was taken I should have switched the boys. I put dark blue in front of dark blue and light blue in front of light blue.

And, yes, I actually have another child who is 19 and was home from college last weekend. Sleeping.

The Parent Trap

Over the weekend I noticed the original version of Disney's The Parent Trap with Haley Mills was coming on. I told my youngest that he needed to watch since I knew he'd only seen the newer one with the then adorable, now horrid Lindsey Lohan.

When the hubs walked through the room he was instantly riveted too since this is a movie we watched together for the first time while dating. I had seen it but he hadn't. We were in a hotel room on a romantic weekend. It was Sunday morning and we had ordered breakfast via room service. We laid and watched the original Parent Trap movie and loved it. Some people have "their song", we have "our movie."

No, it didn't used to bother me that Haley Mills spoke with an english accent and yet the one twin supposably grew up with Brian Keith in California and the other in Boston. Did casting director's back then think that no one would question that?

So, picture us all settled in on a Saturday afternoon watching this movie with the youngest in the middle of us. He thought all the camp hijinks and tricks were very funny. Then the girls' start to realize that maybe they look alike for a reason.

Shannon: When is your birthday?
Susan: November 12th? Why?

My hubby and I turn to each other with our mouth's hanging open in shock. That is the date of our middle (our first child together - my oldest was from a previous) son's birthday!!!!! Goosebumps rose on my arms and I actually got tears in my eyes over this coincidence.

This movie has always been a touchpoint for us. In the newer version the two Lindsey Lohans compare a torn picture and figure out they are twins. We had totally forgotten about this significant date.

On to a new subject: Who has had any of this new Coke Blak? It has a coffee essence? I wanted to get some but they didn't have any diet. Let me know if its any good.

Maybe 150 isn't My Lucky Number

This is my 150th blog post. I don't really pay attention to that but when I got up this morning saw that Wordgirl was having trouble with her blog, I went to mine and low and behold! My blog was gone too.

Luckily, Chris over at www.RudeCactus.com told me what to do to fix it so I am back. Looking a little different and minus all my links. I did copy my template though so will go back in today and fix them. Plus, I need to add a bunch anyway. My blog reading has expanded in the last couple months and I just don't get around to adding them. Maybe that's what this all was. Me getting spanked by Blogger.

I Hate Meme's

Normally I don't like these things. Why? I don't really know they just get on my nerves. Butt, and that is a but with two t's, I have been tagged by Y over at Joy Unexpected so what's a girl to do???

6 weird/facts/habits about me:

1. Upon leaving a party or social event I will besiege my husband with the repeated questions, "Did I talk/laugh/drink too much?"and "Was I obnoxious?" I don't know why I am so ridiculously insecure. And, I don't know why I ask him. He isn't going to tell me the truth anyway. Plus, he really does think I am hilarious especially if I've been drinking.

2. I despise with my entire being the stinky substance called Goat Cheese. It tastes and smells just like a hairy old goat to me. One time when the hubs and I were at a very special work dinner our first course was proudly presented....a huge mound of goat cheese! We looked at each other and started cracking up.

3. When something scares me I react with anger. I have had to explain to my children that when they have done something dumb (like run away from me and into the path of a moving vehicle) that mommy isn't mad, she may haved yelled "What the hell do you think you are doing?" but she was just scared. It sure sounds like mad though.

4. Since having children I have had little panic attacks. I mean like quarter of a second ones. No! I am not on medication or need to be. With child #2 I used to drive off from the grocery store or wherever and then I would feel my heart constrict and panic grip me for just a millisecond as the thought "Did I get him out of the shopping cart?" would run through my head. With the third I would be walking out to get the newspaper or the to the mailbox and it would flash through my head, "Do I have pants on?" Didn't matter what time of day. Lately, I have a flash that I am going to be in a car accident. Think that's weird? Well, you should see it from where I'm sitting.

5. When I take Sudafed I break out in a rash. It took me the longest time to figure out what was causing it. Its not a typical rash. It's on my right elbow and then my ahem, privates. You know, DOWN THERE. Not down there, down there, just in the underwear area. Its like having the worst sunburn and then peeling afterwards. Weird, huh? I have never met anyone else who does this and neither has any pharmacist that I have discussed my privates with either. Don't you all discuss your 'gina's with the guy at the drug store?? Yeah, he asked to see it but what? You think I'm stupid?

6. Okay, I don't think this makes me weird. I mean its not like I am the ONLY one out there who thinks this but....I think Tommy Lee of Motley Crue (Look how cute he is. You know you want him too) is hot, sexy and delicious looking. Yes, I know he's skinny and has lots of tattoos but that just adds to the fun! Why are you looking at me like that? Wait! Come back!!! I'm not that weird!!

Let's Support Katie

Do you ever get the feeling that the media is acting like they love Katie Couric but they are secretly hoping she will fall on her face with ratings lower than a MAN's??

Let's all support her by watching. I would like to see her do well, because I like her, she's good at what she does AND she's a woman.

Does anyone know when exactly she starts? I looked quickly and couldn't find a start date.

Walk A Mile In My Shoes

Let me introduce you. See these pretty little shoes? Don't they beckon to you? They did to me and I bought them. I thought "the perfect shoe for summer!" They flirted with me from the store shelf and I fell for it. I thought they would only be this cute for me but no. They are just a dimestore hussy who has tried that line on anyone and everyone.

Don't they look comfortable? Well, think again. I have renamed them from Cutest Shoes of Summer 2006 and will now dub thee, FootWear of Excruciating Pain.

Yesterday I wore them to a birthday lunch for a friend. Then I was going to run to Wal-mart since my children were crying that we had NO food (aka no crap/junk in the pantry). By the time I walked from the restaurant to my car the top of one food was bleeding. I considered going home but I am a terrible homing pigeon who once I get home will not leave again. So, I made myself go to Wal-Mart.

By the time I walked across the parking lot of Wal-mart (mincing, cute but mincing) I went straight to the band-aid aisle, ripped open a box (a woman watched me fascinated and I almost growled "What are you looking at?") and put band-aids on my feet right there.

My baby toes are NOT usually that color of red and there are blisters on the tops of my feet.

By last night I was thinking that I am finally breaking these shoes in! I will win. They will accept my feet and like it!

P.S. Yes, I bought the box of band-aids.

Random Thoughts

Started watching the new Ten Commandments. I did not feel the need for a new version. I still love Charlton Heston's Moses, and Yul Brynner owned the role of Pharoah. Here is my question, in this new version, why do all the actors speak with English accents? Strange, I would have thought that Moses and the crew would have had more middle Eastern accents.

My brother, who is way too involved in the show Lost, sends us weekly emails breaking down the latest show and with links to other websites about it. This week he decided to assign our "matching" character to each one of us. My husband gets to be Jack. Perfect. My hubby is a take charge, straight arrow, leader. My sister in law gets to be Kate. Cute and a leader and sexy in a tank top. Who do I get to be? Ana-Lucia. The rogue cop that everyone on the island hates. And her lips are a little deformed. After I emailed my complaints my brother tried to back out of it by saying that I am "tough" and would do "anything for my family." I told him he'd better cool it or I would have to go all Ana-Lucia on him.

Why do restaurants have Limited Time Only items. I know its to "try things out" but don't make me fall in love with Cheesaritos and then not be able to have them any more Mr. Taco Bell!

I was just working up the nerve and inclination to take a cruise. The movie Titannic had pretty much killed that for all these years but I was getting over it. Until yesterday. I saw the preview for Poseidon. I may be a confirmed landlubber now.

To All You Wrappers Out There

Dear T.P.er's or Wrappers as you now call yourselves,

Thanks for coming by last weekend at 1:15 in the morning and decorating my front yard. Goodness, all I was doing was....sleeping, so thanks for the bit of entertainment. The white streams of toilet paper were very attractive and made us feel so popular and special. They even reminded me of THIS PROJECT . The hundreds of white plastic forks stuck all over the yard were a particularly nice touch. That's a new one. Here's my complaint.

I, myself, was once a t.p.er or wrapper. I too enjoyed watching a perfectly tossed roll of cheap toilet tissue unfurling as it crossed a high branch. I reveled in the feeling of a job well done. I remember the rapid breathing and cool sweat that would instantly break out when surviving a close call by parental units. I was even known to occasionally indulge in the cheap and tawdry world of shoe polish. But only when applied to car windows.

"Back in the day" we had a healthy fear of getting caught. You see, the whole decorating job was to be done on the sly. On the q.t. On the downlow (back when on the downlow meant an entirely different thing). That seems to have changed.

When you hear dogs barking and lights coming on in the house you are wrapping, that means STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND RUN. And, for future jobs like this, it helps if you whisper or at least attempt to be quiet.

Or is there a new Texas State Law giving you the right to perform such acts? I did notice that a parent was waiting a short distance away driving a get away Suburban, so obviously this is encouraged, aided and abetted.

But, let me tell you what ISN'T your right. To turn on the hose and start throwing wads of wet tissue at our house. You see that is why a man clad in only running shorts (no, that wasn't a shirt, it was chest hair) had to come out and tell you that enough was enough and to leave. And that was the third time you were asked.

And just as a side note....the 13 year old resident who the entire project was done for wasn't thrilled to have to go out and clean it all up the next morning.

Sincerely,
DebbieDoesLife

On My Return....

Okay, I'm back. Exhausted.

I got back home Tuesday night but have been going nonstop and too brain dead to blog. I'm glad I went though. My mom was thrilled that my brother and I came and it was good to see family. Flying for an hour, then driving 600 miles, driving back 600 miles and flying again was a little tiring. I felt like I was literally vibrating by the time I got home. A weird buzzy kind of feeling.

Bad Thing that Happened Today: Obviously, I am NOT up to par yet because yesterday as I backed out of my driveway (with wayyyy too much on my mind) I backed into a truck that was parked across the street. It was the lawn mower dude's truck. Usually they drive pieces of crap but no this one owns a Toyota Tundra. It took me a while to find any mark on my car (a teensy chip out of the paint on the bottom of the bumper) but his bumper had a little swelling, a pimple really on the top of it. I just gave him my agent's number and my name. I will probably have to pay it out of my own pocket though since we have high deductibles.

I felt like an idiot because when I got into my car I DID see him but then promptly fell back into my own world and forgot he was back there.

We close on our construction loan TODAY so I need to go and start pumping blood and deciding which child I will sacrifice. The builder should have a crew out tomorrow building forms and preparing to pour the foundation.

Because of the house and too many other summer commitments I will not be able to attend the B-List Blogger's Convention. But, here is my charge to the rest of you....work out the kinks so that next year's will be even better!

Good Thing That Happened Today: (well, kinda) A friend of mine ran into a mutual acquaintance that I had run into a couple of weeks ago. The mutual acquaintance was like all "Did you lose weight?" when she saw me, to which I answered, "I wish." But, when she saw my friend she asked her if I'd had a boob job!!!! That cracks me up. My secret?? A new bra. You see my friends, my old bras were so old, the elastic was shot, the wires were bent and the girl's were not being displayed at their best advantage. I guess it DOES pay to purchase a good bra!