Monday, March 02, 2009

A DumbAss Deed I will own up to...

Have you ever done something really stupid and afterwards wondered if everyone else in the world knows NOT to do "blank" and why didn't you? If you answer no, then I must have been given your share of "Dumbass Deeds." Go ahead, say thank you. You probably have no idea how much grief I have saved you.

Let me peel through the annals of my personal "Dumbass Deeds." Ah Ha! Here's a good one:

We were transferred to Louisiana when my youngest was about 3 and the older one was 8. The youngest wasn't even a glimmer in his daddy's eye yet.

We bought a house and it had wood floors. I had never had wood floors before. They were shiny and pretty. One day in a fit of cleaning (which only occur during a lunar eclipse) I decided that sweeping my wonderful wood floors would not be enough! I wanted to really clean them.

Hmmmm, think, think, think....I use furniture polish on my wood furniture and it gleams so it should make my wood floors look spectacular! I sprayed and polished and sprayed and polished all through the kitchen and living room. And, yes! My wood floors sparkled and shined. Just as I reached around to pat myself on the back, the 3 year old comes walking into the room in his stockinged feet. The second he hit the wood floors both feet went flying out from under him! OMG!! I scooped him up to check for lumps on his head. There was a hang time of about 5 seconds before he could gasp a breath and then howl. I comforted him and in walked in my husband (also only wearing socks) to see what all the fuss was about - WHAM! THUD! - He goes down, narrowly missing smacking his head on a corner cabinet.

Holy Shit! What did I do? I created the FLOORS OF DEATH! Of course, when I tell my husband what I think MIGHT be the problem with the floor, he looks at me like I am an idiot (really couldn't blame him at this point).

The real fun started as we tried to figure out how to De-death-a-size our floors...let's just say we wore hiking boots with ice climbing clamps in our house for quite a while after that.


  • hehehehehe.... I had wood parquet floor. Did pretty much the same thiing you did. After the first fall, the kids found it to be a cool run and slide area.

    You know, when given lemons... make lemonade.... or a slide.

    By Blogger Brenda, at 3/02/2009 11:11 AM  

  • Hah! I love that phrase, "DumbAss" says it all some times. Lord knows I have done my share of DumbAss Deeds, probably more then my share.....definately more then my share. Yup, I admit I can be quite a DumbAss. Seriously, only a DumbAss tries to pretend they never do DumbAss Deeds....or maybe they are just StupidAss Liars. Hmmmmm....something to ponder

    By Anonymous Carol, at 3/02/2009 9:38 PM  

  • That's sad, but I admit to cracking up when I read that! Cause that is completely the kind of stuff I would do!

    By Anonymous The Beer Geek, at 3/02/2009 10:11 PM  

  • This made me remember our newly installed and probably over-polished wood floors in Atlanta. I once busted ass twice in a matter of five minutes in the same spot, carrying a platter of bruschetta both times. It was a huge mess and the only thing hurt was my pride, but all I could do was lay there and cry/laugh.

    By Anonymous TB, at 3/03/2009 12:08 PM  

  • Ok, I confess I giggled. But your poor little boy!

    I thought you were going to say something like, you put solvent on the floor and stripped off the shiny-ness! Which is something I would have done to get the floors "extra" clean!

    By Blogger teahouse, at 3/08/2009 3:20 AM  

  • I nearly killed my husband's grandparents by waxing our hardwoods and then putting down a little rug (without non-skid pad) in front of the doorway. Concussion, here we come!

    By Anonymous apathy lounge, at 3/11/2009 8:49 AM  

  • I did something similar to my own wood floors when they were first finished - but my sister holds the prize. In high school, she decided to surprise my mother by cleaning her car for her - with Pledge. Yes, the whole car. Outside, not in.

    Granted, it was a Chevette, so it didn't use the WHOLE can, but we still talk about the time she "Pledged the car". Thanks for the reminder guffaw.

    By Blogger Melodious, at 3/11/2009 11:51 PM  

  • Okay, I did that a few months ago with my saltillo tile floor. Except I was the one that kept ending up on my butt! But, boy did those tiles shine!

    By Blogger PEACE, at 3/11/2009 11:53 PM  

  • Where are you Debbie? Have missed your postings!!

    By Anonymous Carol, at 5/02/2009 7:49 PM  

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