DebbieDoesLife

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Man Law

Lately, I have run into this term: Man Law. I believe it is a relatively new term in our society. My college son uses it. Guy friends I have use it. There is even a beer commercial that is utilizing this term.

Here are a few Man Laws that I have learned:

1. A guy can't date his friend's old girlfriend.
2. A guy doesn't hug with two arms. Instead use a more one armed side hug thing. This is to make everyone aware that you are full of heterosexual manliness.
3. If your buddy cheats on his wife, Man Law dictates that you deny knowing, ever knowing or even thinking you ever knew.
4. If a woman comments that guy #2 is handsome, Man Law says that guy #1 must act like he couldn't even pick the dude out in a line-up, let alone make the observation that guy #2 is nice looking.
5. Lemons, limes or fruit of any kind is ever allowed in a Man's beer.
6. When watching sports, a Man must always root for a team. He cannot be undecided.
7. A man cannot wash his hair in the sink. Seriously, have you EVER seen a man wash his hair in the sink?
8. (thank my son for this one) If a man farts and doesn't admit it, he might as well be a housewife.

In the interest of equal time, I tried to come up with Woman Laws. Here we go: (please feel free to add to my list)

1. A woman never reveals how many pairs of shoes she actually owns.
2. A woman never reveals to a man how much she actually paid for any of those shoes.
3. A woman never reveals how much she actually weighs. If someone has the gall to ask, then all rules are off and it is perfectly acceptable to shave off 5 - 10 lbs.
4. A woman may play the menstrual cycle/period/cramps card anytime she wants to avoid something like; cooking, cleaning, work, driving, showering or sex.
5. Woman law states that the answer "I don't remember" is perfectly acceptable to most questions asked by her family such as "Have you seen my shoes? hammer? glasses? keys? phone? books? etc. etc. even if you know the answer.

Gads, there must be more Woman Laws.....

9 Comments:

  • Wow!! The men you speak of are suffering from WAAAAAAY to much machismo......I am so proud to inform that the guys in my life have no worries about giving a two arm hug, enjoy a lemon shoved in their corona, have been heard admitting they don't really care who wins this game and yes,....I have even seen a guys head in the kitchen sink a few times!! What is up with those other guys?? Sounds like compinsation to me!!

    As for the woman law..........your right on!!!

    By Anonymous Carol, at 10/23/2008 6:55 PM  

  • Hahahahaha..

    My husband has been known to put a lime in his Corona, and to say he has "something in his eye" while watching a sad movie. But you didn't hear it from me! ;o)

    By Blogger teahouse, at 10/24/2008 1:31 AM  

  • Comments on your Man Laws:
    1. This is a WOMAN law. Can you honestly tell me it's okay for a woman to date a friend's old boyfriend? A man will not date his friend's ex-girlfriend because he knows by then that she is INSANE!
    2. Guys don't want to hug anyone. One arm is a token gesture to the insecure.
    3. If your buddy cheats, it's a sign of weakness. You don't want to admit it out of shame for him, not loyalty.
    4. Guys don't care about handsome! What's handsome? Geez. And how do women feel about guys commenting about how good looking other women are.
    By the way, I think Parker Posey is gorgeous.
    5. Not only will a man drink a beer with a lime in it, there are some guys who will drink it with a shot glass of whiskey sitting in it.
    6. If he's not rooting for a team, he'll probably not watch. That's different.
    7. The weight distribution on a man makes it difficult to hold a position while bent at the waist. This is physiology, not gender culture.
    And who washes their hair in a freakin' sink?
    8. If I ever fart in the presence of your son, I will point him and say, "Come on, fess up. Be a man."

    I will not comment on your Woman Laws except to say that women are more complex than men, so I'm sure the have more laws.

    By Anonymous Tankmac, at 10/24/2008 10:08 AM  

  • Well...men lie about their height and women lie about their weight. So that's two new ones...sort of.

    Women can leave the house with hair up in a banana clip, but she MUST be wearing some kind of lipstick. Otherwise you look dead.

    No matter how messy the house is (and even if you live with four other men), the woman will always be judged for it. Don't ask me why.

    By Anonymous apathy lounge, at 10/28/2008 8:14 AM  

  • 9. Every man must allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals; law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal.

    10. No man shall every use a rolling backpack. If you can't carry the bag then you’re not a man.

    11. If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment about it.

    12. When your friend picks up a hot girl...however the hot girl has an ugly friend...it is only right that you operate as a wing man doing whatever it is you got to do to help your buddy have some time alone with the hot girl. As men we are obligated to sacrifice and pay it forward for each other knowing that the favor will one day be replayed.

    13. When toasting with beers you clank with the bottom.

    14. You poke it you own it.

    15. Every man is required to learn some form of Poker before he dies.

    16. Every man should watch sports center at least once a day, though multiple viewings are recommended so that one can hold his own in any debate on sports that may arise that day.

    17. in the court of Man Law the statement "I was Drunk" will have the same effect as an insanity plea (reduced punishment) in standard court provided the defendant's blood alcohol level exceeds .10.

    18. Grilling regardless of weather is always the first choice for cooking.

    19. Always accept beer from a stranger, but only if unopened/capped.

    20. No man shall ever, under any circumstance, share an umbrella with another man.

    21. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

    PS: Carol must live in San Francisco.

    By Anonymous Brad, at 10/28/2008 9:55 AM  

  • I bow in Brad's direction....He could write the book on Man Law!

    By Blogger DebbieDoesLife, at 10/28/2008 10:02 AM  

  • #6 made a lightbulb go off in my head for all those stupid football parties I attended for teams I could care less about, but all the dudes attending made me choose a side for...

    By Blogger Tink, at 10/28/2008 3:31 PM  

  • Amen to Apathy Lounge: No matter what the circumstances, a woman is always judged on the cleanliness of her house and her cooking.

    I'd add "No one is harder on a woman than another woman."

    By Anonymous V-Grrrl, at 10/29/2008 9:34 PM  

  • A woman never farts, she may 'toot' but would never admit to it!

    Women think that housework should be shared, but know there are some things like emptying the garbage that are totally a man's job!

    It's okay for a woman to hide the credit card bill and then have amnesia when it is found....which of course utilizes the "I can't remmeber" phrase!

    Women are allowed to put their cold feet anywhere on the hubs body, but he can't do the same.

    Women think that kissing should be a part of lovemaking! Men think kissing is only for dating!

    Women will clean the hair out of the hair brush, men never notice.

    By Blogger PEACE, at 11/03/2008 11:29 PM  

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