A Minor Emergency

I will be away for a few days. My dad had an episode that the doctor's have labeled an arrthythmia. I know it isn't life threatening at this point, but it didn't have to be to freak me out.

Sorry, I haven't even been able to catch up with all my regular reads.

You Win If....

you answered San Diego! Yes, that is where I just spent the last five days. It was gorgeous. Of course, they were experiencing a "heat wave" but hello! I am from Houston. We spit upon your puny little heat wave!! It was like 0% humidity to us and perfect!

We did have fun. Went to Sea World, Legoland, Corvette's Diner, Orfila Winery in Escondido, Old Town, and Belmont Park. We dragged ourselves home exhausted but happy.

I want everyone to know that in the effort to provide my children the most fun possible, I took a bullet for them. Okay, it was more like a tidal wave. Let me expound.

The first show we went to at Sea World was the dolphin show. Great show, but my boys were extremely disappointed that we did not get wet. Not a drop. I am usually the person who gets in the pool but doesn't get her hair wet. "No! Don't get ruin my hair!" I wouldn't mind if I had good hair that could dry by itself. My hair is completely addicted to drugs, blow-dryers and flat irons, so I do not allow water (except in the shower where it belongs!) in any form near my hair. Usually.

"If we are going to get in the Soak Zone for the Shamu show then we have to haul booty!" I announced and we did. Shamu must have felt a personal responsibility to get me soaked to the bone too. He turned his big butt upside down even and using his tail dumped buckets of freezing, salty water all over me. The boys loved it though so if I looked like drowned rat the rest of the day thats okay.

The only little snafu was when we got home. Our plane didn't come in until 10:30pm and we were tired. The hubs had gone out to CA a day ahead of us for a conference so the two boys and I had used off-site airport parking for the vehicle. I picked a parking lot that we couldn't forget. They drive yellow buses with black spots all over them. We come out after grabbing our bags and jump on one of the shuttles. The driver asks me for my ticket. TICKET? I don't remember a ticket, except for the one I put on the dash of the car when I drove in. I searched my purse and the boys both said, "Remember, mom, the driver gave you one." No, mom, doesn't remember that but no panic. I remember exactly where I parked so we will be fine.

Pretty soon my hubby looks out the window and announces, "I think we are on the wrong bus." WRONG BUS??? How could that be? Well, come to find out this parking co. has TWO lots and we were headed to the wrong one. We got to drop off all of our shuttle-mates and then ride back around to the airport once again and get on a different shuttle. To my sweetie's credit, he never said a word. No blaming, no looks. Can't say I would have been as gracious.

We finally got to my car and drove to the exit to pay. The lady looks at my ticket that has been sitting on my dash in the sun for the last five days and the ink was bleached off! So, it took twice as long as we had to tell her when we arrived and what time etc.etc. Could I have made any more errors here??? Geez, you think I get out much? Oh well. Every now and then I go to extreme blondness and this was one of those times.

Summer Update

Sunday, Father's Day, we treated the resident Daddi-o in our house to breakfast out. The two younger boys made him cards with coupons to wash and vacuum his car and we got him a DVD/movie.

I had received from the oldest who is at Ft. Benning getting his butt kicked (and he has dropped 6 more pounds - I'm ready to go to boot camp just to lose weight!) a letter to his dad for Father's Day earlier in the week.

I admit I read it. It was addressed to me and then inside it said Happy Father's day and I went ahead and read it. He'd told me he was sending it. Shut-up! That's not what this post is about anyway. Its not snooping if you were going to get to see it anyway. Can we move on now? The letter thanked him for being such a great dad and said how we were both great parents. We have supported him and been great role models for all three kids. Then, here was the neat part. Grab your tissues now.

Backstory: Sometimes as C got older, he would come home from a friend's house and comment on how that family got along. Maybe they argued. Maybe the kids talked back to the parents. He would point out that we weren't like that and that we were "normal." I always thought that was a nice compliment.

Back to the letter: The letter said, "since I've been gone I have realized that our family was not normal or ordinary, we are extraordinary!" Cue tears.

New topic: Rachel Ray has her own talk show??? Where the hell is mine then?

I will be out for a few days as I am running around getting ready for a (as Polly Pocket says) a "sweet va-kay!" Packing for four instead of five (gads, I wish C was able to go with us!) and trying to think of every instance and item of clothing I may need. I won't tell you where we are going but I'll give you a hint, We will be keeping it classy!

A Very Fine Friday

For your viewing and listening pleasure on this fine Friday here is the undisputed Worst Music Video of all Time. If you can make it to the end of this thing, you should win something. Really.

Have a great weekend.

X-Ray Glasses

Last night were laying and watching t.v. The hubs is flipping thru the channels and skimmed past QVC, the shopping channel. The rings they were showing were pretty. I said so. He went back and we stared.

Him: Who buys this stuff off the t.v.?
Me: I don't know. I've never bought anything off the t.v. There was one night when I couldn't sleep and the infommerical for the Magic Bullet had me reaching for the phone...I HAVE ordered things from the back of comic books though.

Him: Like what?

So, I told him how I ordered the X-Ray glasses. Anyone remember those? The little ads were in the back of comic books and Boys Life. Along with ads about making money selling greeting cards door to door. The tiny ad even had a picture of someone's hand and the bones inside. The ad implied you could see right through people's clothes. And, BE THE LIFE OF THE PARTY. The ad even promises that you will be the most popular kid in school. My hubs of course, asked the big question, "So, did they really work?"

My answer: "If you mean, could I see people's nakedness? NO." Then I described how they really made things look. If you held up your hand it would be kind of dark with a light colored ring around the edges.

That's when my hubs, the scientist/engineer, said things about light, defraction, rays, and a halo effect.

Me: (with a wide-eyed horrified look) "Uh, that's kind of taking away the magic for me."
Hubs: "Sorry."
Me: "Next your going to say there's no Santa Claus, aren't you?"

A History of....something

I am always surprised when I can be shocked. I consider myself semi-worldly. I haven't "seen it all" but I've seen a lot. A movie the other night shocked me.

A History of Violence looked like a pretty suspenseful, good movie so the hubs and I rented it. I thought I remembered the reviews being okay. It was rated R, which I don't have a problem with. I don't like to watch horror movies but this looked like it had more story than that.

You would think the title refers to the main characters past life. I think it referred to the way he has sex with his wife.

I guess the director decided that in order to establish that our character and his wife had a"close" relationship he needed to show them having sex. He has her come out in a cheerleader outfit and then they proceeded wrap themselves in a position that is known by a number. Yeah, that one, 96 inverted.

Me: I'm glad we made the kids go upstairs. Hubs: (never takes eyes off screen) uh-huh.

Then, in a later point in the movie, the wife is a little pissed at Viggo (main character) and they meet on the stairs. In the middle of the day. That's when it got violent.

The couple had two kids. I know I have one more but if this was to ever happen in my life this is how it would go:

Me: Uh, what about the kids?

Hubs: Kids? What kids?

Me: Get off! You're killing my back!

In the movie, the couple had a little girl! I kept asking throughout the ouchie sex scene "Where's their little girl? Do they realize how they will traumatize her if she walks in on this?" I was surprised this movie was only rated R. I guess because we barely missed seeing Viggo's meat and potatoes that made it R.

Yeah, I'm pretty fun to watch a movie with. Anyone else seen this???

The Best Things in Life

I am a recovering plan-aholic. I love to plan. I plan everything.

When my oldest was about 5 or 6 I used to plan a pretend week of summer camp every year. We had a new baby so it was tough to go anywhere and back then there was not the plethora of things for kids to do like there is now. So, I would plan nature hikes(we went around the yard) camp fire marshmallow roasting (we used the cook top!) and camping (we set the tent up in the living room).

Last summer I planned an entire 9 day trip for four to Europe. No travel agent. Just me. We went through three countries by train, rental car, saw many, many sites from Belgium to Amsterdam to Southern Germany.

We are in a dinner club and once a year it is one couple's turn to host. I not only start planning months in advance but I even put my grocery list on a spreadsheet! I prepare a timeline for the actual evening!!

Yet, I will admit right here that some of my favorite days in life are the ones that were unplanned. A little surprise. An impromptu event. Which is why for all of my planning ways, I sometimes hesitate to schedule things that I don't have to. I like to leave room for a spontaneous idea. Yesterday was one of those.

A guy friend and I (I ran into him in the morning while riding my bike and we realized we were both invited to this same event) decided to go to a book signing and then afterwards we just didn't feel like going home yet. We went to a wine bar, sat outside and ordered a flight (a tasting of three similar wines - equals one glass) and had a very nice afternoon. We laughed a lot, talked, and both appreciated a day to be ourselves. Away from family, away from our usual routine.

One of my favorite days ever was last summer. It was a Saturday and the hubby had just finished the yard. I was feeling antsy but didn't know what I wanted to do. The beach was calling my name but it was already 11am. Wasn't that too late?? I mentioned it to the hubs and he said, "Let's go!" We called another family who immediately said, "Let's do it!" and we all threw together picnics and headed out for the 1 1/2 hour drive to the beach. We got there just as most people were packing up to head home. The sun began to get low in the horizon and I thought to myself, "if you'd told me when I woke up this morning that I would be on the beach this afternoon, I'd never believed you." It was a perfect day. I call these my "Jim Croce" days. Remember the song Time In A Bottle?

If I could save those kinds of unplanned yet wonderful days in a bottle, I would.

My Reality T.V.

I have an idea for a new reality t.v. show. Based on my recent experiences, the idea popped into my head. The market couldn't be saturated yet because I just watched a goofy show the other night called "So You Think You Can Dance?" on Fox. If that show can be on t.v. then there is room for mine.

Mine would be called "Make-up Mistakes" or maybe "Beauty Blunders"

Here's just a few of my own from this week alone:

Cheap Sunless Tanning Lotion?? They are all the same right? WRONG! Take a look at these gams.

Can you name the color that these legs are now?? If you said, Orange than you win!!

I put on some cheap, drug store self tanning stuff and by that evening I was the proud owner of orange streaky feet and legs.

Then, I fell victim to this product. But, maybe I'm wrong. You look and tell me if you see a difference.

I paid $36 for Lip Fusion. No needles but all the collagen to have plump, sexy lips!

Here's me before putting on Lip Fusion. The instructions say to wait 15 minutes.



Waiting, waiting, waiting (now, this part would make for some exciting t.v. Maybe they could show flashbacks and how my thin lips have hindered me all of my life. )


And, here's after.

Do you see the dramatic results??? No, I am not pouting them out like Mary Kate and Ashley to just make them look all duckie.

What? Like Meg Ryan?? Well, thank you. I think.

One Man's Trash...

First of all, can I just say I love my husband??? Come on, ya'll, you know I luvs my man. BUT (you knew there was a big but coming didn'cha?) my man puts the Pack in PackRat.

I cleaned a corner of our garage yesterday with the help of my two younger children. Oh, let me tell how thrilled they were to be pulled away from computers and television to come out and sweep cobwebs and dig through piles of crap.

Okay, it wasn't as bad as the picture I found on Google but it was bad. Let me give you a little background....the husband? He's an engineer. You would think this would make him all anal and clean, right?? Think again. He just looks that way.

My man loves to go to Home Depot and Lowe's and buy stuff. He doesn't even need to take it out of the bag to enjoy it. He likes to buy it and then sling the bag into the garage. You know, on top of the other bags. Can I just say that we probably own enough light switch plates to outfit an entire neighborhood??

Today I threw away 4 pair of sneakers. I actually kept three. These are nasty old running shoes that he has now dubbed "mowing shoes." But, how many pair of mowing shoes should one man own? I think 7 is too many. Even 3 may be cutting it close.

I threw in the trash a rusted tripod for a telescope. He will die when he finds out. When was the last time he ever used it? Well, not in this past decade and maybe not the one before either. Oh, yeah, I guess it would help to have a telescope to go with it.

Ask me how many footballs I found today. Go ahead....yeah, four! Even my middle son was a little surprised. Why go and look for something when you can just go and buy a new one!

You would think that upon seeing my clean section of garage he will be happy. I am not expecting any thank-you's or even a"great job, honey!" All he will be thinking about is all the "valuable" stuff I might have thrown away. I'm just glad tomorrow is trash pick up day!

Totally Random

They are now offering money for people to watch Soap Opera's. Saw a commercial for a contest last night. Who watches these anymore?? There was a day I didn't miss All My Children and General Hospital but that's been years ago. With cable now, I tune in to see What Not To Wear or Style Court. Come on, like I'm going to be watching some kind of fluff that my grandma referred to as her "stories."

New Style?
Taylor Hicks - gray hair.
Storm of XMen - gray hair
Rogue of XMen - gray swathe of hair
Me - I'll hang on to my dye. Thanks anyway.

I am in love with the song "Over My Head" by The Fray. Too lazy to give you links, sorry. My oldest introduced it to me b4 he left for basic. Now it is on the radio and I think of it as "our song."

Need a book to read this summer? I highly recommend "My Sister's Keeper" by Jodi Picoult. I read it in a day and a half because I couldn't put it down. I got the husband reading it now.

I've been thinking about going on a diet to lose 5 or 6 pounds. Just thinking about it. Thinking about it while I ate an extra roll last night after dinner. Thinking about it as I had angel food cake yesterday. I am going to Padre Island this weekend and of course would like to look way better in my suit but I think it might be too late now. Damn!

Here's a shout out to my B-List Blogger's! Have a great time ladies!! Have a drink on me and hopefully next year I will be joining you!