Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The Bachelor

Did anyone else watch the final episode of The Bachelor last night? Did you think that Travis had even one speck of chemistry with Sara from Tennessee??

I liked Sara (even though her motivations seemed a little premeditated "You are perfect for me! And my mother thinks so too") But I discovered that other than Moana's blow out at the dinner table with Travis's parents, (you can't even make up a reason why you like their son/brother?) I liked her even more. Can I just say for the record that I hate, no that's HATE the name Moana?

I have not been watching because normally I have a meeting on Monday nights. I STAYED HOME TO WATCH THE FINALE! I had been hearing how Moana was the devil incarnate but sure didn't see it last night. I did see a man who everytime put his mouth on Susan's didn't really kiss her. There was no tongue action at all. And she just kissed his upper lip or his lower lip everytime. When Travis kissed Moana, HE KISSED HER. And When he looked at Moana there was more of a sparkle.

Travis never told Sara that he loved her when he told her she was the one he was choosing. Maybe he is just as stiff as a board (not in a good way either - but maybe he is - Hell I don't know!) like that and unable to really touch someone but I wasn't buying it. He also gave her a ring on a chain. Like wtf? Hang it from your rearview mirror?

I am guessing he is a good boy. His parents did not like Moana - they liked the hometown girl and he is a pleaser. I suspect this is one more Bachelor marriage that won't ever happen.
This whole time I kept saying (even though I wasn't watching I kept up vicariously with radio and internet) that he would pick Sara from Tenn. and for once I wasn't happy that I was right.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Spur of the Moment

I will celebrate my anniversary this May. Fifteen years! It has not been hard either. You know how people say "Marriage is a lot of hard work" and I believe it is for some, but my hubby and I just naturally get along and it has been easy.

Here's my gripe about marriage and kids. The lack of spontaneity. I hate having to wait until 10pm or so to "get it on," "do the bone dance," "show my humps." Let me tell you, by 10pm and a long day with kids and work this is how sexy I usually sound - ZZZzzzzzzzzz.

Nooners were made for me. I am all about having the lights on and indulging in a little Afternoon Delight. When we were first married the hubby had a job that enabled him to leave for lunch AND we lived closer to the office so when he got the phone call, he was ready and able to please. He's still ready and able but unfortunately covered up in meetings and presentations and its a 30 minute commute.

We are all about "sneaking around" and believe me our kids used to think we were the most well-rested couple in America cuz we were always announcing "We are taking a nap - be quiet!" and sometimes we did sleep but I can see how for some couples this could be a problem. Luckily, we have ALWAYS had to sneak around. My hubby now has adopted my oldest. So, we have always had kids and always had to sneak around - you know, giving each other the look....letting a little guy know that he can play video games while mommy and daddy take a "shower" (no, not that kind of shower - clean up your dirty mind!).

It just seems like lately we've been busy on the weekends and not able to catch up on our "sleep." Busy with scouting, track meets, working on our house plans and gets in the way of romance. Luckily, this weekend while I was in the shower on Saturday after the hubby and I went for a run, he stepped in and "washed my back." We still got it.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Friday Funnies

I am at home with a sick child today. Fever, stomach ache - whatever is going around that everyone else has has finally come to visit at my house.

Keeping it light since today is Friday. I am not going to go on about how I sat at a track meet from 4:30 until 9:30 last night. My son (the sick one) ran the mile and a half (2400) and the mile (1600). So in that 5 hours only about 15 minutes of it was him actually doing something. And, I will not complain about how cold it was. Yes, my blood has gotten thin living down here in sub-tropical land but the wind was up last night and I had on two jackets and a blanket - kind of an Ann Taylor Homeless look going on.

On to the funnies:

My youngest (8) told me the other day that he wanted to be a...what are those guys who talk and are funny??

me: a comedian?
D: yeah. One of those. My whole class thinks I am really funny cuz I make up jokes all the time.
me: Lay one on me.
D: What do you call a guy who lives in the jungle?
me: I don't know.
D: Tarzan.
me: Oh! I get it (desperate chuckle approximating laughter).
D: Here's another one. Why are fish so smart?
me: Hmmmm, I don't know (but I did really KNOW!)
D: Cuz they are in schools all the time.

Well, forget college. Obviously, I have the next Seinfeld on my hands. Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

A Few of My Shining Moments

I'm sure that no one else but me has ever done something soooo dumb that you right away wondered has anyone else ever made this mistake? Am I the only person this stupid? I will come clean on a few of my prouder moments.

One time while trying to help the hubby out with mowing the yard (he always mows and never asks me too - I was doing it out of the selflessness of my good, but stupid heart), I was trying to get real close to his golf net. Its looks almost like a soccer goal but it catches the golf ball so he can practice his swing in the backyard. Being lazy I thought I could get really close without moving the net and BOOM! the lawnmower sucked that net up faster than Dick Cheney shoots his friends! I killed the motor and tried to breathe. Oh, shit, Oh shit, Oh shit! was all I remember coming out of my mouth. I mangled that net. There would be no hiding this numbnut of a mistake. Well, it took me about 3 days to fess up to it.

One day I decided to wash my yacht, I mean Suburban. As I washed I noticed that there were some little teensy flecks of white paint on my lovely charcoal gray paint job. If I used my thumbnail they would pop off but there were a bunch and that would take a long time. I must have driven through some kind of paint overspray. DING! The lightbulb went off! I knew what would do the trick EVEN FASTER! My kitchen scrubber sponge! And, boy did it ever! I really put some elbow grease into and was whizzing all down the side and around the back end. Taking a breather I decided to admire my handiwork. That's when I almost passed out. Oh, shit, Oh shit, Oh shit, was all I remember saying as I looked at the scratches all over my car - right through the clear coat! That one I couldn't even bring myself to admit verbally, I sent hubby an email and assured him that he could not get madder at me than I was. He called after he read the email and asked if I was still detailing cars and could he bring his!

Oh, there's loads more. I am a natural blonde, let me assure you. But, I'm sure that no one else HAS EVER done anything as stupid as me.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

When I Grow Up

I had one of those books my mom would update every year when I was in elementary school. It was called Blank's School Years and you filled your name in where the blank was. I am sure you can get them custom printed nowadays.

Every year we would fill out who my teacher was, my favorite subject (reading!), friend's name and a favorite memory. Then there would be a list to choose from that was "What I Want To Be When I Grow Up". The list consisted of Homemaker (yes, Wordgirl much to your chagrin!) Teacher, Nurse, Stewardess and what else I can't remember. Those four seemed to apply to girls and to me personally.

Who wouldn't want to be a stewardess? Fly the Friendly Skies! Stewardesses back then were sexy and very glamorous. You HAD to be tall, thin, pretty and look good in a jaunty cap. The tall, thin part was going to be a hurdle for me. I topped out at 5'3".

Now, you would think that I was all creative and wouldn't be stuck with just that list. Nooooo, not me. I thought I had to be one OF THOSE CAREERS. Homemaker never appealed to me. Especially, if I had to wear a dress everyday--and vacuum all the time. But, teacher! Hey, I was good at bossing people around and I liked to talk. That career seemed tailor made for me. Because of the limitations of the list I decided a teacher is what I HAD to be.

At 18, and a freshman in college, I still was not aware of any other career that I would be able to do so again, put down English Education as my major. The other bonus was the limited amount of math that major required - Whew!

I will admit here, because hey, this is my blog and totally personal and like no one will know, but I was shamefully unaware of other careers. When I met my hubby and he said he was an engineer, in my dim little mind I immediately thought "Drives A Train". Even though I KNOW some engineers don't drive the train. Maybe some have to sit in the caboose!

Long story short....I feel like I am still growing up and still making my way. When I was young I thought you reached a certain adult age and suddenly ALL OF THE ANSWERS BECAME CLEAR. Maybe I just need to get my eyes checked....

Monday, February 20, 2006

Catfight at the Olympics!

According to the t.v. ratings my family and two other people are watching the Winter Olympics in Torino, Italy. So, none of you probably saw what happened between Chad Hedrick (my homeboy from Texas!) and Shani Davis of Chicago.

They are both speed skaters. Chad already won gold in a Long Track event on the first night of the Olympics. Then there was a team event for the speed skaters and Shani Davis refused to participate. He wanted to save his energy for his single event in Speedskating. This didn't go over real big with the rest of the U.S. speed skaters. It kind of came out as ....selfish. Chad was skating in the same event the following day with Shani and he did it for the team.

Read this article Alone at the Top because it says it better than I can here. Let me just say - I don't like Shani Davis. Is he a great skater? Yes. Does he possess the Olympic spirit? Absolutely not.

The Olympics are all about pride in one's country and one's team. Shani Davis is NOT a team player. He is there for selfish reasons. He even gets a little nasty look when reporters ask him about being the first Black American to win a gold at the winter Olympics. Why does he get resentful? Because he isn't even a team player for his own race.

I would not want people making a big deal out of the color of my skin either but I still wouldn't get ugly about it. I would recognize it for what it is. A news story, but also there are young and old Black African Americans out there cheering for Shani because he was black and he was supposed to be representin'. Shani only represents Shani.

Well, I hope Shani enjoys his gold medal. He'll be the only one since he doesn't want to share anything with anybody.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Humane Society Drop Out

Coming home last night it was dark and getting late. I was on a road with no shoulder and where everyone drive at least 50-60 mph. As I whizzed by suddenly I saw two little eyes and right as I went by I realized it was a little dog.

He was brown and white and I would guess a Shih Tzu or mix of some sort. He was dirty and straggly looking. It looked like he was trying to cross and I was already passing him as I saw him. There was a line of cars behind me and no where safe to turn in and try and turn around.

In my head I went through the list of "why nots".

1. I already have three dogs. Cannot take in any more.
2. Already have a house full of kids, hubs and SIL. Cannot take in any more.
3. Even if I did stop could I safely get out of my car and try and catch this little guy? What if I get killed?
4. I'm really busy now with 4 different newsletters and cannot take in any more.

Well, I just got home from driving that way this morning and I saw him again. This time though he was laying, twisted on the side of the road. Never made it to the other side. Now he's just a tiny smudge of brown and white. His hair flutters a little as cars whoosh by. A vulture was already perched on the fence behind watching him. Waiting for him to rot a little I guess.

I cried as I drove just like I am crying now as I type. I feel terrible. I should have stopped. The poor little thing was probably dumped by some asshole. Of course, then he was passed on the road by shits like me who were too busy to take a moment or a day out of their own lives to help.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Totally Freaking Out!

I have been unable to sleep or sit down since the mail came yesterday. I got a letter from the agent I sent my query letter regarding my nonfiction book and HE WANTS TO SEE THE SAMPLE CHAPTERS AND PROPOSAL!!!!

Its a long way from that seat next to Oprah but at least its a step in the right direction.

Last night, amidst the tossing and turning I actually had a dream about a fellow blogger. I was at a convention (what kind?? Couldn't tell but it didn't look like Vegas and it was mainly women and not a bunch of insurance salesman in bad suits looking for hookers - not that I have ever had that dream either) and I knew I was meeting an agent who wanted to see my work. The agent was none other than our own TB of Soul Gardening. She was the agent that wanted to read my work and can I say she was just as cute in my dream as in her pictures!

When I woke up at 4 am I couldn't get back to sleep. My husband being the wonderful man that he is went running with me. We hit the pavement at 4:20 and put in 3 miles.

I have a friend editing my stuff right now (she has been published a few times and is a really good editor!) and I should have it back by tomorrow and then I can send it to the agent!!

Also, Congrats to my frequent commentor, constant supporter, and also very good editor, TLC. She is a hot, sexy grandma as of last night. Miss Emily is adorable!!

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

News You Can't Use

Just some things I notice, discover, or cock my head and go hmmmm, as I go about my day....

I can power walk faster than some people can jog.

Why would you come to the park to walk the track and eat a whole bag of popcorn while doing it? It might have something to do with the extra 100 lbs. you are carrying around. This is almost as bad as the people talking on their cell while they walk. I always want to ask if they are a doctor or somebody really, really important. I leave my phone in the car or at home while I exercise. Never once have my children called whilst bleeding out an artery or any other tragedy that would truly require my assistance or presence in less than 30 minutes.

Is anybody watching the Olympics? Why is this not as popular as it once was? When I was growing up, watching the Olympics and cheering on the home team was such a BFD.

What will happen when our obsession with looking younger passes? Will we all want to look old?

Did anyone else notice that when Dave Chappelle was on Oprah that he looked and acted like he was on something? He was totally random at times during the interview.

In January, an Anglican church vicar in Cambridge, England, commenced twice-monthly services for goths (with black garments and rock music) at his St. Edward King and Martyr church. Vicar Martin Ramshaw, 34, said he is a goth himself and reports that his dozen or so worshippers go straight from services to a goth nightclub. (He will soon issue goth T-shirts with Jesus speaking, "If the world hates you, remember, it hated me first.")

Sushi is the food of the gods. (thank you to the man I married for a lovely Valentine lunch!)

My youngest and I are reading "Charlotte's Web" together each night. Even though I have read this book at least 3 times, it still makes me want a baby pig that I can feed with a bottle.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006


Today is the retail industry's idea of romance. It's Tuesday so I can promise you it won't be all that romantic here at my house. Sure, we might do a little "wrestling" but it will be after the kids have been helped with homework, bathed, read to and put to bed.

Tonight I plan to make spaghetti and we will eat by candlelight and have our cherry 7 up in wine goblets. The boys love it when I do this. Makes it feel all special.

Valentine's Day has never been a big, big deal to me or to my husband. When I was growing up my dad always brought me and my mom a big heart shaped box - you know the ones with the plastic flowers and ribbon on them. They would be full of interesting shaped, cheap chocolates that you knew were hiding that nasty pink fluff stuff in them but you nibbled anyway, leaving little teeth marks behind. That was Valentine's Day to me.

When I got married, I was working out and in shape and my wonderful husband brought me lingerie the first year. Then after that he would give me a card and maybe work out clothes but no chocolate. About 4 years ago I was telling my dad over the phone about how Valentine's Day meant a box of chocolates and that hubby dear never brought them to me. That year my Dad sent me a box of Godiva Chocolates! With them was a note that said, "I wanted to make sure you got some chocolate on Valentine's this year!" Well, hubs got the message loud and clear....this morning waiting for me on my keyboard was a card and some Dove dark chocolates - my favorite.

Happy Valentines Day!!

Saturday, February 11, 2006

I've Always Been Suspicious

I have always thought that Ken is gay. Now with his new blue streaks and Euro look, I am even more suspicious. Plus, he never has really put the moves on Barbie and that Ho begs for it! What do you think?

Friday, February 10, 2006

It's No Wonder....

that I have not made it to the Olympics!


Obviously, my parents named me a stupid ol' boring name that has hindered me for life. I checked the 2006 Olympics official site and there isn't one Debbie that I could find.

I have always hated my name. It was popular when I was born (boy, that will give away my age quick!) but no one uses it anymore. Really, when is the last time you met anyone under the age of 30 named Debbie?

If I could choose a name it would be something cool. Like Randi or Sammi. Maybe the name Brea. I met a guy named Brea (Bray) and I just loved that name. Would you change your name if you could?

I'm Back

What a "vacation." No, I don't have a tan and I didn't read a book, collect shells or sight-see. Or didn't I?

Sightseeing: One night I took the youngest to meet his scout group at the local fire station. There is a reason they make posters of these guys! Two of them were hot, hot, hot. I was dying to yell fire just so they could come with their hoses and.....sorry, I'm a married woman and getting carried away.

Collecting: We are going to be building a house and breaking ground in the next few weeks, so I am digging through books trying to pick stone, brick, tile, light fixtures. There will only be about 10,000 decisions to make! Can't they just throw something together and then I will tell the builder whether or not I like it?? I am missing a gene or something when it comes to this stuff. My other two sil's can shop all day and spend tons of time thinking about stuff like this. Not me. I actually liked my first apartment when I used an empty box (with a tasteful bandana throw over it) as a nightstand.

Local Color: Stopped by one of my clients place of business. It is a rehab/assistant living community. It is always depressing to see these elderly people. Two women were sitting in the open area at a table with crayons and preschool looking coloring books. They were bent over intently coloring their little pictures of a puppy and a flower. The others always give me this look like "Get me out of here!" or "Take me with you - I don't know why I am here!" Every time I see things like that I retake my vow to have a date with the garden hose, car and the garage someday rather than live like that. Don't get me wrong -- this is a nice place with really nice people working there. I just don't want to get that old.

Souvenoirs: Ran down to what is known as Harwin. It is a street where tons of Asian people have shops - tons of jewelery, purses (knock-offs - instead of a Coach purse these have a G on them - I guess for Goach???), clothes, shoes. It is all cheap, cheap, cheap! Always fun to go and get some cheap Harwin crap.

Mailed a query letter off to an agent about my book. Keep your fingers, toes, legs and eyes crossed for good luck.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Just cuz I Know U R Worried....

Here I am on vacation. I knew everyone out there was so worried about me and felt the need to just check in. So, no Clickmom I don't believe this makes you "win". This isn't really a post. Its just me bragging about what I am doing whilst on "va-cay".

Monday - work out at the gym. Come home, sit on sofa and eat dark chocolate truffles. Discovered that after 6 of them they don't taste as good UNTIL after you drink a big glass of milk. Go get a pedicure. Have the following convo for the millionth time with the Asian Nail Lady.

ANL: You off work today?
me: uh, no. Not really.
ANL: You no work?
me: Well, out of my house.
ANL: You husband - he keep you?
me: I like to feel that I allow him to dedicate himself to his career by taking care of all things house and kids related and...
ANL: so you husband keep you?
me: uh, yeah.

Tuesday - read all my fav blogs. Email Wordgirl and badger her into writing a new post. I was tired of looking at the Texas sunset. That shit happens everyday where I live - I wanted something new! I don't care that she is busy doing charity painting on a table. I want something to read! Okay, put me down as the opening bid, Wordgirl, $50!!

Spent time dreaming about going to B-List Bloggers Convention in Savannah....who can I room with that won't snore? Or at least goes to sleep after me and has to listen to me snore?

Go to post office and mail query letter to agents that I met at a Writer's Conference in Sept for my nonfiction book idea. Yes, that is what I am working on this week. I met someone and we are coming up with this nonfiction how-to book. You'll die when I tell you what its about. How to catch a cheating spouse. I read it to my Writer's Group on Monday night and they all burst into applause and have assured me that my day on Oprah is right around the corner.

I am also busy working on a big presentation. The retirement community that I write and design their newsletter is one of four and I am going to present to the other three so I can quadruple my business!!

Back to work, I mean vacation. This is so not a post.

Monday, February 06, 2006

A Blogging Vacation....

I am taking the week off. I am busy with another writing project (more on that when I get back) and for once in my life I don't have anything to say.

I know, I know - how will you live? How will you go on without a daily dose of DebbieDoesLife??

I recommend any of the people listed in my favorites there to the right. They keep me going.

Have a great week!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Pet Peeves #338-#343

It was one of those days where I ran into one thing after another that drives me crazy. And, yes, I will admit, its not a very long drive....

#338 - REALLY bad breath. Do people with bad breath NOT know they have bad breath? When my mouth gets skanky, I know it. And, I use a mint or something. I do not lean in and talk even closer to someone to make sure the green fumes from my sewer mouth go up their nostrils. (this one made my previous pet peeves list too but it really deserves to be on the list twice!!)

#339 - What's the difference between a beauty mark and a mole? Uh, how about 20 long black hairs growing out of it! Try to take your eyes off of that and have some semblence of a conversation.

#340 - Really scary movies. When I was younger the movie When A Stranger Calls scared the pee-pee out of me then. I sure ain't gonna see it again now as a remake. I am sure there is gallons more blood now.

#341 - Poorly Behaved Parents. Yes, their children are awful too but I blame the parents. Do not get anyone else to do your dirty work, like dad or some other mom at the scout meeting. If you tell little Billy he needs to stop doing something than you make him stop doing it! The rest of us don't think its cute when you shrug your shoulders and your child continues to act like a raving lunatic.

#342 - Grocery store bag boys who don't even offer to take my groceries to my car. I'm not gonna let you but I would at least like to do the dance - "Would you like help to your car?" Me: "That's okay, thank you!"

#343 - The Super Bowl. It lasts like 5 hours. I know I will want to leave the party we are going to early and then I will feel bad cuz the game is not over yet. Hey, its a Sunday night. Give me a break!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Totally Random

Random thoughts, random acts....

Why do unhappy people feel the need to go into their work place and kill others, then kill themselves? Why can't they just commit suicide without dragging several other souls along? The recent postal killing spree made me remember the first one. It was 1986 and it was in my own home town. 14 people died that day. The day Patrick Sherril decided to make history.

Why is this phenomenon happening? What has changed in our society that makes people act out in such a violent way? And why are postal workers so damn unhappy?? Has no one studied this? Do zip codes drive you crazy? Is it the glue on the envelopes?

Two jobs I could never do:

Pedicurist (is that what they are called?)

I was in Wal-mart and being a super Wal-mart it of course has everything in the world a person could ever and never need. Groceries, clothes, gardening supplies, bank, McDonald's, hair salon, automotive shop, photography, opthamologist, monogramming, pharmacy AND a nail salon. There was a woman in there and just between you and me, this woman was BIG. And even from the distance I stood I can tell you she had some butt-ugly feet. Right away, I thought, Whoa! I could never touch those feet, let alone trim the nails, massage and clean the toe jam out from under those toes.

Look at this picture! Doesn't it look like something out of Lord of The Rings? The horse is wearing knight gear.

And my last thought....are turn signals optional on vehicles now? Am I the only one who buys a car with them these days? Well, then this is to the driver of the piece of shit van who just had to cross two lanes and practically take me out to get to KFC - can you stick your arm out the window or something next time? Is a piece of artery clogging fried chicken really worth it? Just wondering.