Thursday, October 23, 2008

Man Law

Lately, I have run into this term: Man Law. I believe it is a relatively new term in our society. My college son uses it. Guy friends I have use it. There is even a beer commercial that is utilizing this term.

Here are a few Man Laws that I have learned:

1. A guy can't date his friend's old girlfriend.
2. A guy doesn't hug with two arms. Instead use a more one armed side hug thing. This is to make everyone aware that you are full of heterosexual manliness.
3. If your buddy cheats on his wife, Man Law dictates that you deny knowing, ever knowing or even thinking you ever knew.
4. If a woman comments that guy #2 is handsome, Man Law says that guy #1 must act like he couldn't even pick the dude out in a line-up, let alone make the observation that guy #2 is nice looking.
5. Lemons, limes or fruit of any kind is ever allowed in a Man's beer.
6. When watching sports, a Man must always root for a team. He cannot be undecided.
7. A man cannot wash his hair in the sink. Seriously, have you EVER seen a man wash his hair in the sink?
8. (thank my son for this one) If a man farts and doesn't admit it, he might as well be a housewife.

In the interest of equal time, I tried to come up with Woman Laws. Here we go: (please feel free to add to my list)

1. A woman never reveals how many pairs of shoes she actually owns.
2. A woman never reveals to a man how much she actually paid for any of those shoes.
3. A woman never reveals how much she actually weighs. If someone has the gall to ask, then all rules are off and it is perfectly acceptable to shave off 5 - 10 lbs.
4. A woman may play the menstrual cycle/period/cramps card anytime she wants to avoid something like; cooking, cleaning, work, driving, showering or sex.
5. Woman law states that the answer "I don't remember" is perfectly acceptable to most questions asked by her family such as "Have you seen my shoes? hammer? glasses? keys? phone? books? etc. etc. even if you know the answer.

Gads, there must be more Woman Laws.....

Thursday, October 16, 2008

What's In Your Wallet?

This whole recession/depression thing has me a bit nervous. The words "frightened" and "scared" may not be too strong.

I refuse to look at our long term savings (401K etc.). I'm afraid I would throw myself out a window.

I have had two customers tell me projects are being put on hold until their investors see what's going to happen. The idea of losing my job is scary. For the usual reasons but this year is to be the most expensive for us EVER.

1. Two boys on our car insurance
2. Two boys with cell phones
3. The purchase of another vehicle
4. One more year of private school for youngest

All of this adds up to OUCH. My job certainly takes the sting out of it.

So, sometimes I let my imagination run away.....I envision lines for loaves of bread (I am pretty good at cutting in line), beans for dinner every night (fiber & protein - we will be healthier and lose weight!), panhandling (I have 3 dogs so plan to take them with me for the sympathy factor), and wearing a hat.

A hat? Well, when I think of the Great Depression I think of hats. People wore hats back then. When you see black and white photos during that period they all have hats, the men, the women, even the kids. Will hats make a comeback?

Monday, October 06, 2008

A for Average

Have you ever noticed that the people who receive recognition in our society are A. those who totally mess up and then turn themselves around or B. those who are ranked in the top 1% of whatever it is they excel.

I would like to say (for the record) that our society needs to start recognizing the Average Joe's and Jane's.

Let me give you a scenario. The names have been changed. Jack and Jill are brother and sister. Jack makes good grades, stays away from drugs, pays his own way through college and lives his life according to society's rules.

Jill drops out of high school, gets pregnant, gets involved with drugs, decides to be a lesbian for a while, gives up the rights to her two children, then finally pulls herself together.

The mother of these two would go on and on about how hard Jill had worked. She'd had a tough life and now had pulled it together. Jack is just expected to do the right thing without any recognition. Because he always has.

I see this a lot in schools too. Attention is showered upon the Gifted and Talented. Prizes are given out for perfect report cards. Awards are bestowed upon the best in Science or Math. Even the slackers or the kids with real learning disabilities have special classes to in order to make sure they keep up and graduate. In one of our schools if these kids raised their grade one level they received a prize.

But, what about the Average Student? The one who studies and works hard to get A's and B's? The kid who never raises his grade a level because he never lets it fall in the first place. The kids who don't demand lots of attention but come to class and behave themselves? Why don't schools make a little more effort to recognize the bulk of their student body?

Well, here's to you, Average American, Joe Sixpack (Winking!! Gads, that was irritating just typing it!!) I raise my average coffee/beer to you (think store brand, Miller Lite) and I salute you. Keep doing the right thing. Our society couldn't function without you.