The Whipping Girl

Ever have one of those days where you feel like everyone is using you as their punching bag? Well, today has been mine. It all started first thing this morning before 8 am.

In my line of work, there is a certain order of things. We need design drawings in order to fabricate the piece needed for the job. The operating company will usually employ an engineering company to do those drawings. Then we are stuck waiting for the drawings....all while the clock ticks. When the work doesn't get done, company #1 tends to go right to us and complain that we haven't accomplished the said task. If you aren't careful you can get into a really fun game of finger pointing. I refuse to go that route. In order to avoid that certain low road today I had to do a lot of ....hmmm....bending over. Let's just say today has helped me become quite limber.

That's not the only fire I was fighting either. I am trying to bring in a bit of work that is different than our usual scope. Same type of work, just different design. The field I am in seems overly resistant to change. Maybe all fields are this way. It's frustrating to be locked into one avenue of experience and work. I know everyone wants guarantees and assurances that the job will be done when it is supposed to be done. The thing is all of my people HAVE that experience with this exact type of work, it's just my company name has not been associated with it before.

Okay, I have vented and I feel much better. I am opening up the floor to other frustrating work stories. Or funny ones.

Where I Gripe about Healthcare

I got a phone call from a friend of mine this morning. She is in the hospital. She thought her MS was acting up but knew that she had to go another 13 months before her insurance would pay for any treatment. She had to be treatment free from any MS related symptom in order to get coverage. So that has meant that she has been ignoring these symptoms (numbness on her left side, blurry vision, headaches). It got bad enough that she went into the doctor yesterday anyway. She found out she was having signs of a STROKE. She is 32 years old and healthy.

The bad news? She almost waited too long due to her stupid insurance. The good news? Her insurance will cover this. It's a crazy world when doctors no longer dictate treatment for a patient.

Took the youngest in for a routine physical this morning. I can do that because I have good insurance. My co-pay is only $15. Doesn't matter if we are having a routine physical or chemotherapy. Always costs the same.

The pediatrician wanted to check his blood work so we trudged down to the lab. There posted on the wall was a form for Newborn Screenings. Scrawled across in pen was the word "Exsample". Let's hope they are just conducting blood tests down there and not spelling tests. Yikes.

The Mounties!

I had to run through the mall the other day. While there I could not help but be impressed with the security guard. Okay, security might be a stretch... as well as, guard.

The female in discussion here had the requisite dark-colored, polyester, high rider pants with the pale blue stripe down the leg. Her white, short sleeve shirt was buttoned all the way up with some assorted bling here and there.

Here is what got me. This woman was 70 if she was a day. And, she weighed all of 102 pounds. Dripping wet. She had the dowager hump going on. Obviously, she suffered from a calcium deficiency. If I was a gangster I don't believe this "security guard" would inspire a desire to walk the line.

Her true crowning glory was the hat. The hat did any Canadian Mountie proud. Those brims could knock merchandise from shelves without even trying.

Who interviewed this woman for the job? This is a woman I could see handing out tasty samples at the grocery store, not working security at the mall. I did look back to make sure she wasn't packing heat. And, no I did not see a firearm on her hip (thank God!).

S0, I ask you....what is the point of having mall security? Is it simply to fill a position? Is it to truly provide security from teens with money at the mall? Or does this woman simply dress like this everyday as some sort of costume or security guard fantasy?

Golf - A Four Letter Word

While I was on sabbatical from blogging, I decided to buy golf clubs. I have always had a bit of an interest in chasing a little white ball with a stick but never had time before. Now in my job, I can golf and get paid while doing so!

What pushed me in do it was being asked to help at an industry tournament. I went to help with check in. Once we had all the golfers in their carts the club manager came out and asked who was driving the beverage cart. The company didn't know about this. Slowly I raised my hand. And, that was how I ended up being the "beer muffin". Not that it wasn't fun and I got to meet ever person out there playing (not to mention I could have made a ton of money in tips - but I did not accept the tips nor the tacky pick up lines) but I don't want to always be the beer girl.

So, how hard could this golf thing be? I have played tennis, I work out and as I approached this new sport, I thought to myself, "This should be simple" The ball isn't moving, you walk everywhere or ride in a cool golf cart, and I see old people doing it all the time. I figured in a couple weeks I would be the new Tiger or maybe I should say the new Angel Cabrera (he won the US Open yesterday). So, I jumped right in convinced it was a matter of just a few weeks...

Steps to golfing:

1. Spend a ton of money on a set of clubs.

2. Go to driving range and hit the ball pretty decent. Swing needs work. My hand/eye coordination kicks ass!

3. Take a golf lesson.

4. Now understand just how much I suck at this game.

5. Go to driving range and completely overthink the process. Can't hit the ball to save my own life!

6. Take another lesson. Aha! quite revealing to see oneself on video (after I stop critiquing weight, hair and outfit and just look at stance, head position and swing)

7. Practice, practice, practice.

8. This game is fucking hard. Damn.

Rest easy Tiger, Angel and Michelle - no threat here.

It's Friday...Already??

This week has flown by. Summer has arrived which where I live means a daily dousing of rain mixed with 90+ temps. Now that's lovely weather. Especially for my hair.

We saw the traveling Broadway show Spamalot this week. The best parts were the ones from the movie Monty Python and The Holy Grail. The rest of it was just okay. But, that type of humor is not really my favorite. I am not a "Three Stooges" kind of person. Actually, I find Monty Python to be kind of like Napoleon Dynamite. When you watch the actual movie you sit there thinking...."this is stupid" but then when you TELL someone else about it, you find yourself laughing your ass off.

I must report the useage of an "irregardless" this week. How can I get the message to the masses that this is NOT a word???

My parents are funny people. If you give them something they will act like it is the BEST THING ever. It's nice. More people should learn to be gift receivers like this.

My Dad: "I got the first box of fruit from the Fruit of the Month club you sent. Pears and cherries are my favorite fruits."

me: "Really?"

My Dad: "The cherries are amazing! They are practically the size of apples and are the best I have ever tasted!"

me: "Wow, that's great."

Of course, I have not actually witnessed these gargantuan cherries and they are probably just normal sized but it made me feel really good as the Gift Giver.

Happy Father's Day to everyone out there. I'm so grateful to still have mine.

Pink-ish

I kind of like Pink. Not the color. The singer. I like her attitude and darn it, her songs are downright catchy.

I listen to a pretty "mom-ish" radio station normally while in the car. They play top 40 pop stuff. It makes me feel trendy without all the rap and hip hop (not that I don't just LOVE "Whatch you no bout me? Whatch you know bout me? My lip gloss be popping! My lip gloss be cool" sorry...I digress)

But, the other day I actually tuned in enough to listen to the words to Pink's Song U & Ur Hand. I found myself taking a swift intake of breath. Shocking. This song is being played everywhere and its about mastu...okay, I can't even type it....rhymes with casturbation. I have never heard the d.j.'s say anything about the lyrics and must surmise that I am either A. the only person who has figured this out or B. I am the only person who has actually listened to the lyrics in this song. Maybe because of Pink's poor spelling in the title, no one has guessed what this song is talking about. (the whole creative spelling thing? don't get me started!)

Click below and take a listen. ***my link is not working but you can type in Pink U Ur hand in the search and pull it up on the YouTube site. My link below will take you to You tube***

Pink's Song

I can no longer listen to this song with my kids in the car.

Italia & more!

I spent most of the weekend planning our trip to Italy. I am never happier than when I am planning an event. It gets all my brain cells firing and the adrenaline hums through my system.

You see, this will be my third trip to Europe. The first was a work thing so they took care of all the sight-seeing, connections and transportation. The second was with the oldest and his friend and I planned EVERYTHING. Hotels, train schedules, sights etc.etc. Rick Steve's travel books are my bible!

Well, for the Italy part of our trip, I am again in the driver's seat. Which is just the way I like it. I am not a "group tour" kind of person. I like to be flexible and creative. The hubs and I like to move at our own pace, which is a fast one. I like to stay at small boutique hotels that maybe have 7-10 rooms. I am all set up in Venice, Florence and Rome. I want to ride a bike through Florence so plan to rent a couple.

The first part of our trip the hubs and I will be on our own. Then we will go to Croatia for work stuff. See the picture? That is Dubrovnik on the Dalmation Coast. I will be spending three days here. It gives me shivers just thinking about it.

This will be the most exotic locale I have ever visited. I am sure I will annoy you with tons of pictures afterwards.

I will never forget going to a friend's house and his dad got out his 10,000 slides of Colorado. This dad had never really said much before but low and behold! He managed to narrate each and every picture of each and every Aspen tree that happened to be growing that year. I will try not to be that way.

Friday Craziness

When my 10-year old says, "I like mixed drinks." I pause with eyebrows lifted and he finishes, "taste this, mom, it's coke, Dr. Pepper and Sprite all mixed together!" (thank goodness!)

I just watched "The Chronicles of Riddick" with Vin Diesel. I could be blind and just fall in love with this dude's VOICE. But, open your eyes and he is awe inspiring!

"It's been a long time since I smelled beautiful." from the Chronicles of Riddick.

Here is a question I have about most movies that deal with a violent future.

Why is it always so dirty? Do we lose the ability shower? Do we lose the formula for toothpaste and deodorant? Or is the fashion to have streaks of dirt on your forehead and arms?

"Put on a fresh pair of panties! We're gonna do this right!"

from the Chronicles of Riddick

I had a need to kill some time one day this week so I popped into my friendly Barnes & Noble to read up on Italy (yes, I AM GOING TO ITALY!!). While reading about What Not To Wear the book advised against wearing shorts due to the fact that many of the churches frown upon them. Here was the advice, "Borrow a nearby tablecloth for a skirt or kilt to cover your legs."

Now, that is advice that could get you out of many a jam.

"It's an animal thing." from the Chronicles of Riddick.

Lest you all think I am fickle, please know that Vin Diesel cannot ever replace my man Tommy Lee.

Happy Friday to ya'll!

The Banana Post

Stop reading now if the word penis or anything similar to that word bothers you. And, don't let the door hit ya on the ass on your way out!

Okay - now that its just you and me - You know what a deep thinker I am. And, sometimes I am discover a conundrum of ginormous preportions.

We all know that men think their penis's are the best thing in the whole wide world, right? We always hear certain phrases extolling their size "hung like a horse", "they call me tripod", or here is one I just heard today, "It was so awesome, I grew 10 inches taller and so did my dick!". Plus, they offer tubesteak like it is filet mignon. Certain by-products are even compared to pearl necklaces. Not to mention, the family jewels.

Well then, if this organ is of such virture why do they then use it as the ultimate insult? Why is someone who has been deemed stupid or a jerk referred to as a dickhead, a whanker, a cocksucker, a weinie, or a prick?? Does this make sense?

I will not rest until this question is answered...

The Watch

Recently for the big anniversary, I purchased a new watch for the hubs. I have long been a $10 Wal-mart watch person but someone I know - his nickname is Big Love (and thats a whole other story) has been harping, I mean preaching, I mean extolling the virtures of expensive, flashy, big name watches.

I started noticing watches. And, I must admit I began appreciating nicer watches. So, I emptied my piggy bank and went and bought the hubs THIS WATCH

The lady that sold it to me was....hmmm...shall we say, ditsy? Cara was very nice and knew her way somewhat around a Tag Heuer watch but still while flight-checking me on all the features she said something that almost made me pee in my pants.

Cara was telling me the depth in which the watch could be taken down in water. (note here: if my husband EVER wore this watch to go diving up to 600 meters, I would KILL him - he can wear his cheap ass Timex watch for that). Cara finished with a brilliant smile and said, "The watch is almost self-destructible!"

I looked at her to see if she caught her own error. But, alas, Cara just waited for me to say the magic words, "I'll take it!" Hmmm, either she made a verbal error or my poor hubby's arm could ALMOST be blown off at any moment.

So far, so good.