Tuesday, June 13, 2006

A History of....something

I am always surprised when I can be shocked. I consider myself semi-worldly. I haven't "seen it all" but I've seen a lot. A movie the other night shocked me.

  • A History of Violence looked like a pretty suspenseful, good movie so the hubs and I rented it. I thought I remembered the reviews being okay. It was rated R, which I don't have a problem with. I don't like to watch horror movies but this looked like it had more story than that.

  • You would think the title refers to the main characters past life. I think it referred to the way he has sex with his wife.

    I guess the director decided that in order to establish that our character and his wife had a"close" relationship he needed to show them having sex. He has her come out in a cheerleader outfit and then they proceeded wrap themselves in a position that is known by a number. Yeah, that one, 96 inverted.

    Me: I'm glad we made the kids go upstairs. Hubs: (never takes eyes off screen) uh-huh.

    Then, in a later point in the movie, the wife is a little pissed at Viggo (main character) and they meet on the stairs. In the middle of the day. That's when it got violent.

    The couple had two kids. I know I have one more but if this was to ever happen in my life this is how it would go:

    Me: Uh, what about the kids?

    Hubs: Kids? What kids?

    Me: Get off! You're killing my back!

    In the movie, the couple had a little girl! I kept asking throughout the ouchie sex scene "Where's their little girl? Do they realize how they will traumatize her if she walks in on this?" I was surprised this movie was only rated R. I guess because we barely missed seeing Viggo's meat and potatoes that made it R.

    Yeah, I'm pretty fun to watch a movie with. Anyone else seen this???


    • This movie was quite possibly the worst movie I've ever seen. Besides the awful flow and the whole brother storyline thing, which was like, pathetic, the totally random "I'm angry at you but will fuck you in a very uncomfortable place in our house -- on our WOODEN STAIRCASE -- and then get up and walk away from you and keep up the silent treatment" was like, so screwed up.

      So. Screwed. Up.

      By Anonymous mamatulip, at 6/13/2006 8:05 AM  

    • I saw it a few weeks ago and thought the same thing during the sex scene on the stairs. I kept thinking, where's the kid, especially the teenage boy. Ed Harris was extremely weird looking in that movie with the one eye.

      By Blogger Trish, at 6/13/2006 8:42 AM  

    • Thanks for the review... I usually try to avoid movies with a lot of violence, so when they put it right in the title, that's a pretty clear sign the movie is not for me.

      By Anonymous TB, at 6/13/2006 9:41 AM  

    • I'm still laughing about Viggo's "meat and potatoes." Grrrl, you kill me!

      By Anonymous V-Grrrl, at 6/13/2006 10:01 AM  

    • Haven't seen it. Never heard the expression "meat and potatoes," but it's a good one. I think very few actors have the potatoes to show their meat and potatoes.

      By Blogger Arabella, at 6/13/2006 10:22 AM  

    • Yeah, the sex scenes were pretty nasty. I was amazed that this got such good reviews; I thought it was slow, boring, and pointlessly violent. Ugh.

      By Blogger Mrs. Harridan, at 6/13/2006 10:30 AM  

    • I haven't seen it, but now I know I WONT. The whole thing sounds like something a guy would make up. Probably one who's girlfriend is an online sim.

      By Blogger Tink, at 6/13/2006 10:41 AM  

    • Nope...but if there's a sex scene in it involving Viggo, I'm totally there.

      By Blogger wordgirl, at 6/13/2006 11:23 AM  

    • Yes I saw it, and posted a nasty review on NetFlix about it. Something about how I hadn't any desire to see Viggo's buttcrack or her full frontal. And yeah, my very first thought was "where are the kids?!!" + I fast forwarded through both scenes anyway. There was NO story in this movie whatsoever. IT SUCKED.

      By Anonymous Sharla, at 6/13/2006 11:45 AM  

    • I watched it on the plane on the way back from Blogfest - imagine me huddled over my little laptop screen trying to keep the rest of the passengers from seeing Viggo raping his wife on the wooden stairs. It seemed a little Tarantino-ish to me, with the almost flippant treatment of violence and the fairy-tale feeling to most of the story. But I have to agree, the plot was ridiculous, like they tried to make it half fable, half Sopranos, and whoever had the bright idea of casting William Hurt as a brutal gangster should definitely be panhandling now. Dude, he's the Accidental Tourist or the Deaf Teacher, not a poorly-accented Philly thug. Sheesh. Total thumbs down. Even Viggo was kind of ugly, and I luv my Viggo.

      By Blogger Mignon, at 6/13/2006 12:53 PM  

    • Never seen this but umm hope the little girl was sleeping!

      By Blogger mrsmogul, at 6/13/2006 3:11 PM  

    • Yikes... my boss said it was an interesting watch so I'm glad now to have read your reviews so I know to skip it.

      By Blogger Heather, at 6/13/2006 4:29 PM  

    • Hmmm…I had this on my Netflix list, but now I don't know. I'd heard it was really good.
      It's based on a graphic novel, which is a field I hope to get published in soon with my epic, "Trailer Park Geisha."

      By Anonymous tank, at 6/13/2006 9:18 PM  

    • hehehe...I saw it and those particular scenes did indeed make me squirm--and did they have to go on for soooooo long? But I had a larger problem with the drawn-out, unbelievable ending. Ah well...Hollywood. :)

      By Blogger Jess Riley, at 6/14/2006 10:23 AM  

    • Yeah, I can probably skip it.

      By Blogger aka Brandi, at 6/14/2006 6:58 PM  

    • Ugh, sounds like a movie I would hate. And did heather's BOSS really tell her about it? Euwww...

      By Blogger teahouse, at 6/15/2006 9:31 PM  

    • I did see it, in fact, we bought. I can send you a copy if you want one for your collection.

      I suppose the idea was to contract the loving husband from the man with the shady past.

      Yes, I watched the stair scene and kept saying, ow, oh, ouch....and the rug burn would have made it hard to sit for a couple of days...but, anytime I can see Viggo in any state of's a good day.

      Where were the kids anyway?

      By Blogger Ditsy Chick, at 6/19/2006 11:56 PM  

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