Monday, July 30, 2007

The Paper Thong

God, is it really Monday already?? I have been crazy trying to keep up with work and then had guests for the weekend.

But, I have been besieged with requests for the paper thong story so here goes:

Whilst in Croatia, the husband was working for three days. I had to entertain myself somehow so decided to get a massage at the Wellness Center at the hotel. I signed up for a holistic massage - didn't really know what that meant but it sounded good.

I entered the spa area and the young woman showed me to the locker room, handed me a robe and plastic slippers and told me to change. I slipped out of my clothes and put on the ginormous robe (obviously it was a one size fits all - especially if you are at least 5'9" or so!) then shuffled in my plastic shoes back to the front. She showed me into a room with the prerequisite soft music, aromatherapy and dim lighting. She then holds her hand out and says, "Put this on."

I looked at the piece of tissue paper in her hand and then back at her. I couldn't identify what this thing even was. She dangled it open and stretched it out for me to properly see that it was a tissue paper thong.

"Uh, that's okay, I left my underwear on," I feebly protested.
She frowned, shaking her head, "No, you need to put this on!"
In the face of her Croatian dominance I did - after she left the room. Then I disrobed and jumped onto the massage table, covering myself with the towel.

She re-entered and began working on my back. For future reference, a holistic massage isn't designed to relax one or feel good. She worked muscles I didn't even know I had and my grunts of pain were obviously taken as a compliment to her efforts. Then she moved to my legs.
She flipped the towel back and I could tell a bit of my flossed derrierre was peeking out. Before I could do anything, she bent my leg at the knee and commanded that I relax (note: demanding I relax rarely does the trick). She then pulled my leg out to the side and began bouncing it. This whole time I am dying because there is a definite BREEZE hitting areas of me that don't normally feel a BREEZE.
After she had properly aired all of my parts, she then had me flip over. Of course, I am keeping the towel over the girls, modestly, but she just flips the towel down and begins working on my arms and chest. No, she didn't actually touch the girls, just all around them.
I kept telling myself that in America we are too uptight about nudity and to just relax and enjoy the massage. I am still trying to convince myself of that...
They really are much more accepting of nudity in Croatia and much of Europe. We went on a boat in the Adriatic Sea for two days - snorkeling! Yes, thats me!!
But, while out and about, we anchored in a swimming beach area. The hubs and I jumped out and snorkeling all the way up to the beach. That's when we realized that it was a nude beach.
The naked father and daughter (who was at least 10-12 years old!) playing football was yucky. I am sorry, but I will never be that comfortable with nudity. Several grandmas were making sure they had no tan lines and many men were stripped of their Speedos.
After awhile, we snorkeled at a more deserted area and my host was able to find and spear this octopus. They eat a lot of octopus in this part of the world. I had octopus salad once. It was okay, kinda chewy, tastes like chicken.


  • Like I promised, I am came over here and I am glad I did. You sound just like I would have been in that situation. Haha!

    I am a little thankful that America is not that comfortable with nudity like they are in Europe. I would be too embarrassed! :)

    Nice to meet you!

    By Blogger Chelle Y., at 7/30/2007 11:46 AM  

  • *Blink* I don't even know which issue to address! I bet that's a vacation you won't soon forget. :)

    By Blogger Tink, at 7/31/2007 1:20 PM  

  • That water you're snorkeling in looks incredible. I love water you can see through. Why aren't you wearing a bikini?
    Please do more posts about you getting a massage.
    If we had more nude beaches in America, I'm sure the average American's weight would drop significantly. Of course if we all went around naked, skinny dipping wouldn't be any fun.
    Speedos on a man just looks gay.
    Unless he's wearing them on his head.

    By Anonymous Tank, at 8/01/2007 9:58 AM  

  • Wow the water there looks beautiful! Very funny about the massage... I think we've all been there, thinking "how am I supposed to relax?" while a perfect stranger gets a little to close to 'the girls'!

    By Blogger Guilty Secret, at 8/03/2007 6:16 AM  

  • Wow, what beautiful water!!

    And I had to wear a paper thong like that the last time I went to a spa.

    By Blogger teahouse, at 8/07/2007 8:23 PM  

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