Tuesday, March 14, 2006

I am Thinking of Remarrying??

I swear I do not frequent porn sites. Ever. So why would I get this email?

Did you want Russian wife?
We have more than 1500 profiles of Russian ladies from Russia, Ukraina, Belarussia.
They want to meet you!
If you want get access to our database for only 49.99 today?
contact us by email*

you'll never get this email one more, sorry if you are not interesting it
eirikenzo jamal khong-me wun-jou jeanine chrispen traci farnhamlounette

Me think the English is not so good, yah? And, is that one person's name or 20?

The other day I got an email for this sex chair. Yes, the chair for when you are too lazy to hold yourself up but want to try some Kamasutra moves on your lady. I didn't even have to open that email, the picture of said chair was right there. It was a bench with a hole in it ( I will let you imagine what sticks through the hole). Two examples of some super fun positions were pictured. Let me just say, to use the chair you would have to be hung like a horse, and a Clydesdale at that!

Dear Mr. Internet:
Please stop sending me sex related emails.
Thank you,
P.S. Not interested in a Russian wife either.


  • Hah! I worked for the chair of sociology during my undergrad and he was doing research for a book about the Ukrainian diaspora and different waves of immigration to Canada from Ukraine. It was a great gig - my boss was super cool & but I could work in the air-conditioned library and computer lab and set my own hours

    Part of the research was the more recent waves of immigration, including postcommunist immigration. One research assignment was for me to research what mail order brides said about themselves on sites just like that (the free ones) and report back to my boss.

    So, on a hot summer day I sat in the big, crowded computer lab at school, ALL DAY looking at these sites, reading what scantily-clad women in Ukraine were saying about themselves to get themselves a ticket to the west. And, I was printing off volumes of these girls' profiles.

    At one point I noticed the guy sitting next to me (who happened to be drop.dead.gorgeous) peering over at my screen and giving me an odd look. I kinda froze, not sure what to do (I had been working up the courage to offer him a popsicle when I went on my break in a shameless attempt to ask him out).

    All I could do (did I mention he was hot?) was stammer "it's for a... uh, research project for my boss." He looked back at me, not sure of what to think this weirdo who just offered a lame-o excuse for looking for hours at scantily-clad women online who were desperately seeking to get out of Eastern Europe. I was humiliated. He just looked at me and said "cool" in a tone that said "not cool."

    Luckily, though, my boss stopped in to see me later in the day and asked for my research and I think he actually realized I wasn't some pervy chick but it was totally humiliating nonetheless.

    By Blogger Heather, at 3/14/2006 8:33 PM  

  • You're lucky you're only geting e-mails of this junk. I need to figure out how to activate the spam-be-gone in my blog - they are ruthless and will leave 449 comments on a posting!!!!

    By Blogger Melanhead, at 3/14/2006 10:07 PM  

  • Can you imagine the level of intelligence/integrity it would take to actually send for a wife from another country as if she were merely an heirloom tablecloth or a package of meat? Maybe guys like that think women who don't speak English won't notice what LOSERS they are until it's too late.

    By Blogger wordgirl, at 3/14/2006 10:11 PM  

  • I'll take the Russian wife--but only if she does laundry and cooks.

    Call it Big Love. ; )

    By Anonymous V-Grrrl, at 3/15/2006 7:05 AM  

  • Hey V-Grrrl, thats not a bad idea. Maybe I will order one and make her do all the housework and tell her that is how it is done here in America.

    By Blogger DebbieDoesLife, at 3/15/2006 7:08 AM  

  • What, no black-market Viagra solicitations?

    By Blogger Arabella, at 3/15/2006 9:23 AM  

  • LOL. I want a wife damn it. I'm sick of cooking and cleaning!

    By Blogger Tink, at 3/15/2006 10:52 AM  

  • "...sorry if you are not interesting..."

    I'm soooo going to say this to someone today. ;^)

    By Blogger B.E.C.K., at 3/15/2006 11:59 AM  

  • I think I would fear a Russian wife. I'm afraid she would take charge of my home and make me clean it. And that would be bad. Debbie, I'm sure that letter did the trick!

    (Heather - he sounded like a lame-o anyway. What guy wouldn't get a chubby seeing a woman checking out other scantily clad women? I'm glad you didn't waste the popsicle.)

    By Blogger Mignon, at 3/15/2006 11:59 AM  

  • A word of advice: Don't buy the chair. Believe me, it's overrated...Shoddy construction, fell apart the first time we... Oops, did I just type that? Sorry, I meant the first time my...Uh...FRIEND, yeah, the first time my FRIEND used it...

    By Blogger The Gradual Gardener, at 3/15/2006 1:45 PM  

  • "Sorry if you are not interesting."

    By Anonymous sarcastic journalist, at 3/15/2006 8:28 PM  

  • I would totally get a Russian wife if I could just have her live with me, pay her a small sum to help me keep the house clean, cook and do laundry and maybe have sex with my husband once in a while :o)

    By Anonymous TB, at 3/15/2006 8:29 PM  

  • Too Funny! All I ever get are the ones about erections. Man!

    By Blogger Renee, at 3/15/2006 8:51 PM  

  • LOL TB! I'm in total agreement.

    Every good woman needs a wife. Especially a strong sturdy one who can drink vodka.

    By Anonymous candy, at 3/15/2006 9:02 PM  

  • LMAO. "Sorry if you are not interesting" enough to want a Russian bride...

    By Blogger mama_tulip, at 3/16/2006 7:27 AM  

  • The spam we get at the office can be pretty bad, and it's seasonal. Before Christmas it's sexual, and what a surprise it's aimed at me a guy. Darn! I missed my chance to be as potent as Warren Beatty, or to have a five foot longer organ. In January the spam turned to investing. Now with the coming of Spring, it's sexual again. I guess you have to know your market!

    By Blogger Dan, at 3/17/2006 7:48 AM  

  • I would not mind a Russian wife either. She could do all the painting, cooking, cleaning and of course she would personally pick the vodka!

    Of course I would als have to order a Russian husband before the original Missus re-enacts the Pscho scene.

    By Blogger Dan, at 3/17/2006 7:51 AM  

  • I'm sorry but I don't think there's any escape from that crap. If you find one, please let me know!

    By Blogger Rude Cactus, at 3/17/2006 12:57 PM  

  • Does the Russian wife sleep with the hubs, cook, clean and watch the kids? I'll take her. In fact, I'll take two.

    Does the sex chair look anything like a birthing chair? You could kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

    By Blogger Ditsy Chick, at 3/23/2006 10:29 PM  

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