Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Random Thoughts

Just watched Meg Ryan on Oprah. There needs to be a collagen intervention in that girl's life! Quack-Quack! In addition, she was trying to diss dear, sweet, hot and gorgeous, Dennis Quaid too. Uh, that would be a big NO! Even Meg-o's posture screamed "I have issues and I am not afraid to use them!"

And, her hair?? What hair product advertises "Makes your hair stringy and homeless looking"??

Road Rage. Not by me for a refreshing change. I just got to witness it. Thanks little Honda-Dude for sharing the bird with all of us whenever YOU were the JERK who refused to yield. You see when the sign tells you that your lane is ending, it is not your God given right to pull into ours. Put your damn signal on and ask permission. I was actually rooting for Ford Truck-Dude who held his ground. Honda-Dude went off into the ditch, steering with one hand, might I add since his other was sticking out the window.

Disturbing - While talking with my brother last night he was asking me if I knew about the surgery my aunt has to undergo. It seems that after giving birth to 9 children and advanced age, her parts are now literally falling out of her.

Brother:Did Mom tell you about this?
Me: Kinda
Brother: Mom was naming specific parts.
Me: Like what exactly?
Brother: Her vagina.
Me: Our Mom used THAT word right in front of you - No, to you??? That is so wrong!
Brother: Tell me about it. I was trying to eat dessert.



    Two days ago, I was merging from one freeway into the other. This means Me, and the DUMP TRUCK in front of me were going about 60. Now, from my left I see a SEMI zooming in. Is he going to SLOW? No. But Dump Truck tries to pull in anyway! I'm behind him like "AH!!!".

    So the Dump Truck slams on his brakes and the mean SEMI passes and then Dump Truck goes again- our lane is ENDING, people!! BUT! BUT!!! There is ANOTHER SEMI! He doesn't see us! I glanced back front and realized that the lane wasn't just ending- it was ENDING! As in, if I didn't move over in twenty feet, I was going off a bridge.

    Could I stop? NO. I'd either not make it or be rearended and still get pushed over. It was one of those "I'm goign to die, moments" and everything seemed so slow. I didn't hear the music, the kids, the road, nothing. Bizarre.

    That second truck realized he was about to kill me so he swung over and I was able to move. *oh brother*

    And Debbie, just before that, on a surface street, I had the same thing. I'M in the left lane. WHY WHY WHY do these assholes zoom down the closing lane and then try and shove in? I personally tailgate the guy in front of me and pretend I don't see the weiners trying to mooch in. What cracks me up is that those people get 'all upset' that they can't move over! LMAO. Uh huh.

    By Anonymous Sharla, at 3/01/2006 6:14 PM  

  • Wow. I'm not sure what you got back on that post about punctuation, but I hope I wasn't one of the people you are referring too. I have actually never read the book! Anyway, I have oodles of type-os even in my blog posts, so I would have no room to talk!

    Have a nice evening!

    By Blogger Crazy MomCat, at 3/01/2006 7:09 PM  

  • WHAT??? i assume that the 16 kids lady will also have that problem.

    By Anonymous sarcastic journalist, at 3/01/2006 7:10 PM  

  • 'Boooo' to road rage. I have it but that doesn't mean anyone else can. And that vagina thing . . I've actually heard a similar story.

    By Blogger Renee, at 3/01/2006 8:29 PM  

  • Oh your poor aunt. Having your vagina on the outside sounds horrifying. I can't imagine.

    By Anonymous TB, at 3/01/2006 9:04 PM  

  • Ugh, road rage. I once witnessed an angry driver yank another driver out of his car and beat him right there in the turning lane.

    (((your aunt))) That's awful. :(

    By Blogger mama_tulip, at 3/01/2006 9:18 PM  

  • Very very sorry about your aunt. It must be like how it feels right after birth, when you may as well be carrying your vagina around with you in a grocery cart. Can you imagine feeling like that all the time?

    (My grandma likes to send letters to my brothers and me about the decaying private parts of all her friends, whom we've never met. My oldest brother's last letter was discussing somebody-er-other's anus. Yes, anus.)

    By Blogger Mignon, at 3/01/2006 11:29 PM  

  • Dennis Quaid cheated on Meg during their marriage, so no wonder she has nothing nice to say about him anymore

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3/02/2006 12:22 AM  

  • On Meg -- Totally agree. Her lips were freakish, and it's hard to imagine someone would want their hair to look like they haven't washed it in days. Intervention. I kept waiting for Oprah to ask her if she was in rehab. Really, wouldn't you like to hear what's really going on in Oprah's brain when she has a guest like that. Though I agree I think Quaid cheated, so it's ok if she disses him.

    Road Rage -- Omigod! I hate drivers who plow out in fron of you, running a red light then have the nerve to honk their horn and be mad at you. Happens regularly here. Driver's training, Oklahoma. Driver's training.

    By Blogger CISSY, at 3/02/2006 12:46 AM  

  • Re: Meg Ryan. She never should have slept with stupid Russel Crowe. He poisoned her! And I hate the hair too.

    Allure Magazine actually had an article on how to get your hair to look crappy. I kid you not. The article outlined all the products to use to make your hair look dry, chunky, and damaged.

    As for Dennis Quaid, I am so with you on that one, grrrl friend. The Big Easy was absolutely one of the sexiest movies ever, and I love hearing Dennis Quaid sing. Great voice. He's had a long career, lots of great roles. He's under appreciated in the big scheme of things.

    By Anonymous V-Grrrl, at 3/02/2006 2:25 AM  

  • Oh wait--one more thing. I had a friend who had a prolapsed uterus when she was only 33. And yes, it was coming outside of her body. : 0

    Get this--she wanted a hysterectomy but the insurance company didn't want to pay for it, telling her she could wear a device like a diaphragm that would keep things from falling out. Luckily her doctor thought this was BS too and she got her surgery.

    Yeah, she'd had five kids....

    By Anonymous V-Grrrl, at 3/02/2006 2:29 AM  

  • After this post, I'm glad I only had one child! Your poor aunt!

    By Blogger The Gradual Gardener, at 3/02/2006 5:56 AM  

  • Why can't people just leave their natural lips alone? I don't understand it.

    I'm sorry for your aunt. You may want to tell your family about "cooter," if you think it might be easier for them to think of it that way--I mean, doesn't it sound like a cute little animal or something?

    By Blogger Arabella, at 3/02/2006 8:15 AM  

  • I don't know what it is about that generation. My mother would never actually use specific body part names (if they had anything to do with reproduction). She just always said "female trouble". Still, every conversation she has with any of us begins with a "Medical Moment" about all the people she knows who are sick/dying/dead. My MIL always shares with me (rather than Mr. Half) the intimate ailments of the great-grandmothers on that side. It's really stuff I'd rather not know.

    By Blogger wordgirl, at 3/02/2006 8:29 AM  

  • Omg, her uterus is falling out?! And what the hell does this mean? "It must be like how it feels right after birth, when you may as well be carrying your vagina around with you in a grocery cart."

    You guys are scaring me.

    By Blogger Tink, at 3/02/2006 8:46 AM  

  • Yeah, I didn't have enough bodily function mishaps to worry about in life. You had to go and bring up the inverted vagina syndrome.

    Now everytime I pull out a tampon I'm gonna worry.

    By Anonymous candy, at 3/02/2006 9:58 AM  

  • Good Lord I'm glad I read all these comments. I thought my mother was the only one who did that. I was just responding to an email today from my aunt regargding something mom had 'passed on'-- embellished mom style, of course. GEEZ. And one of my aunties had the uterus fall out- five kids. And my poor brother pushed too hard on a turd and pushed his lower intestine out!! Fiber, people, fiber!!

    By Anonymous Sharla, at 3/02/2006 9:59 AM  

  • My Mother-in-Laws innards fell out like that too. She had surgery and is just fine and dandy. As a matter of fact, in reference to the 'to much info' part of your blog.......she is always more then happy to share when my Father-in-Law "lights up her world"!! EWWWW!!!! Why? Why would she share that with me? Why would she think for one moment that I would wnat to know that??? WHY??? Next time she tries, I am sticking my fingers in my ears and la-la-la'ing.

    As for road of Tuesday, I now have two teenagers out there on the roads behind the wheel. That is one of the first things I teach them, "Just assume all the other drivers are complete idiotic butt-holes. Sad thing is, that is true.

    By Anonymous Carol, at 3/02/2006 12:23 PM  

  • Hey, as a guy I have enjoyed many Dennis Quaid movies including the one with Julia Roberts.

    By Blogger Dan, at 3/03/2006 10:23 PM  

  • Meg, well she knows what issues she has and she is not dealing very well with them.

    My SIL had to have her parts put back into place and she is only 30, but 5 kids in 7 years, can do that to a gal.

    By Blogger Ditsy Chick, at 3/08/2006 10:47 AM  

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