Funeral
A funeral for a 12 year old boy just seems wrong. Especially when he is cute, smart, athletic and from a wonderful family. Tragic is the only word that comes to mind.
When I picked up my son (who scarily mirrors the boy who died) from camp last Saturday, he cried for 20 minutes and kept saying, "Jonny was a good kid." I agreed and cried right along with him. Jonny WAS a good kid. They were all good kids. They just made a dumb choice and had a night of bad luck.
When they brought the mom into the funeral today she couldn't even walk on her own. She cried and sobbed for all to hear. As one friend put it, "She is a broken woman." This is a woman with Christian faith to fall back on and six other children.
I took lunch on Saturday to the other family of the boy who was actually driving and took the truck. They looked shell-shocked but were very sweet and grateful.
What scares me is this. I would be the mom today if something happened to one of my kids. I would be the one unable to walk, function, eat or anything. It frightens me. I have faith too but sometimes that isn't enough. At least at first. You can drive yourself crazy asking why.
Here's my theory. We are all drops in a big bucket. God sees the whole bucket. We don't. The little drops don't make sense when you can't see the big picture or the whole bucket. You've got to stop trying and that's where faith comes in. Things don't make sense when you look at them from where we are.
This has been a crappy, shitty summer. First, my oldest goes to basic training which means I don't see him for 3 months. Then his Biological Sperm Donor decides to show up in his life again. Then my Dad has a heart episode. Then my neighbor/friend has to have a triple bypass. Then the kids in my neighborhood and the whole stealing the truck thing AND now I just had a teacher from the middle school (in which I will be President of the PTO this year) died two days ago of an annurysm. She has taught there forever and one of her boys graduated with my oldest. I have worked with her on a several events because of this.
My heart is torn for so many people this summer. I am ready for this little black rain cloud to move on.
When I picked up my son (who scarily mirrors the boy who died) from camp last Saturday, he cried for 20 minutes and kept saying, "Jonny was a good kid." I agreed and cried right along with him. Jonny WAS a good kid. They were all good kids. They just made a dumb choice and had a night of bad luck.
When they brought the mom into the funeral today she couldn't even walk on her own. She cried and sobbed for all to hear. As one friend put it, "She is a broken woman." This is a woman with Christian faith to fall back on and six other children.
I took lunch on Saturday to the other family of the boy who was actually driving and took the truck. They looked shell-shocked but were very sweet and grateful.
What scares me is this. I would be the mom today if something happened to one of my kids. I would be the one unable to walk, function, eat or anything. It frightens me. I have faith too but sometimes that isn't enough. At least at first. You can drive yourself crazy asking why.
Here's my theory. We are all drops in a big bucket. God sees the whole bucket. We don't. The little drops don't make sense when you can't see the big picture or the whole bucket. You've got to stop trying and that's where faith comes in. Things don't make sense when you look at them from where we are.
This has been a crappy, shitty summer. First, my oldest goes to basic training which means I don't see him for 3 months. Then his Biological Sperm Donor decides to show up in his life again. Then my Dad has a heart episode. Then my neighbor/friend has to have a triple bypass. Then the kids in my neighborhood and the whole stealing the truck thing AND now I just had a teacher from the middle school (in which I will be President of the PTO this year) died two days ago of an annurysm. She has taught there forever and one of her boys graduated with my oldest. I have worked with her on a several events because of this.
My heart is torn for so many people this summer. I am ready for this little black rain cloud to move on.
posted by DebbieDoesLife at
7:47 PM
20 Comments:
I can't imagine the indesribable grief of burying my own child. I hope I never know. And must be worse for them, somehow, considering the circumstances. Gosh, I can't even type any more.
My thoughts and prayers are with their families.
Sorry you've had so much heartache on your plate this year Deb.
By
Type (little) a aka Michele, at 7/24/2006 8:20 PM
I think I am one of those people that would just kind of walk around looking like I was totally numb. And I'd sit there blankly at the funeral, too. That's the way I am- I cry later.
A couple of years ago it seemed that everything bad was happening at once. It's weird how that is- instead of one thing, and then something else a while later (after you've recovered).... oh no of course not- the whole crap bucket is dumped at once.
I liked the bucket analogie.
By
Anonymous, at 7/24/2006 9:39 PM
That black cloud seems to be sitting over our area or something, doesn't it? We've had 2 family deaths and some bad luck lately, though not as tragic as yours sounds. I hope things take a turn for the better for you and yours.
By
Crazy MomCat, at 7/24/2006 10:02 PM
I'm so sorry, Debbie. One tragedy is quite enough, but you've had more than your share. And for the record, I would be the sobbing mother...unable to walk or eat or speak. Then later, I would be the drunk one curled up in the closet. I'm sending a big hug your way.
By
Anonymous, at 7/24/2006 11:49 PM
Oh, so sorry. No time to rest or process what's happened when the waves keep rolling in and you feel unmoored.
It's wrenching. All any of us can do is treasure the good moments in our days.
By
Anonymous, at 7/25/2006 1:00 AM
Oh my gosh, Debbie. That is so horrible about those children. 1 wrong decision can make all the difference in the world. That poor mother, my heart breaks for her.
I hope you find strength, somehow, to get thru all this. I have a feeling you're very supportive to others going thru so many tragedies.
By
Anonymous, at 7/25/2006 4:49 AM
(((Debbie))) I'm sorry. That is too much. It's so hard to see those around us hurting. I, also, would be the mother unable to function...I just don't know how I'd go on after losing a child. I'd do it because I'd have to, but I'd never be the same.
By
Anonymous, at 7/25/2006 7:28 AM
Debbie-
I am so sorry you are having such a heart heavy summer. I really like your bucket theory and you sound like a very strong person to be able to wait to make sense of all the drops.
By
Babaloo, at 7/25/2006 9:23 AM
I am so, so sorry about all of these misfortunes.
Someone, somewhere once said that being a parent means forever having your heart walk around outside your body. I thought that was very profound.
By
Arabella, at 7/25/2006 10:52 AM
Oh my god. That is so horrible. I cannot imagine anything worse than losing a child.
By
Mommygoth, at 7/25/2006 11:14 AM
It's when so many tragedies happen so close together that I marvel at the strength we all have. If I had been the Mom whose kid died I would have never thought my heart could keep beating so long after I willed it to. My condolences to her and the rest of her family... And to you. I hope that cloud moves on soon too. ((HUGS))
By
Tink, at 7/25/2006 12:13 PM
I hope you have some joy in your summer soon. I can't imagine what these familes are going through. Bless you for bringing a meal and not avoiding them like the tragedy is contagious. The bad news always does seem to pile up all at once. I hope you can cheer yourself by spending a little time counting your blessings each day. I'm going to do it myself.
By
Annie, The Evil Queen, at 7/25/2006 12:59 PM
Sometimes things do seem to happen in overwhelming numbers and it can seem like far too much to handle. You are amazing for reaching out to others during your own time of sadness. What a special person you are. The world needs more people like you. Sending hugs and wishes for healing to you and the boys' families. Such tragedy seems unfathomable.
By
B.E.C.K., at 7/25/2006 5:30 PM
Sounds like you're just the ray of sunshine in all the dark clouds around you. I'm sure you'll be hugging your little ones close tonight.
By
Heather, at 7/25/2006 5:57 PM
That is so freaking horrible. I hope Middle Boy is okay. I agree with the drops in a bucket theory. I know it is hard for people to see the big picture, but I'm sure it is there.
I shall hug my two just a little tighter tonight.
By
Anonymous, at 7/25/2006 9:02 PM
Debbie, I'm really sorry about all your sadness. I wish I could be there to watch an idiotic movie and drink margaritas with you.
You know how I am about religion, I think, but I admire your perspective on tragedy. You have a much more open-minded view of the world while still maintaining your faith.
By
Mignon, at 7/26/2006 12:05 AM
So sorry about the sucky summer, Debbie. Hopefully it will turn around soon . .like any minute.
Hang in there!
By
Renee, at 7/26/2006 9:53 AM
I am so sorry to hear of all this sadness, Debbie; sending hugs and good thoughts your way. That black rain cloud can't stay forever...
By
Jess Riley, at 7/26/2006 9:29 PM
THat is just so sad. I can't even begin to imagine losing a child.
By
Unknown, at 7/27/2006 12:34 PM
Debbie, I know things have been crazy with everything you've got going on right now. I hope you're feeling a little better after your floating vacation.
Take care of yourself. Thinking of you.
By
Anonymous, at 7/31/2006 5:29 AM
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