Sunday, July 02, 2006

Independence Day

I'm back and my dad is doing fine. He will be going in for a whole cardiological work up but hopefully it will just be an irregular heartbeat which can be controlled. Thank you for all of the wonderful comments. I checked email at my brother's house one day and it made me all weepy seeing everyone's wonderful supportive comments.

This whole ordeal has made me stop and think. Independence Day has new meaning. Not in a patriotic way. More like, some day my parents will be gone and I will truly be on my own. Independent.

My parents have always been there as a safety net. My cocky attitude and self confidence has always been in part due to that if I fall there is always someone there to save me. My parents always and my husband for the past 15 years. The idea of living my life without that safety net of my parents is frightening. Panic instilling even.

I am not trying to say that my parents are perfect people. Trust me they are not. But, they have always been honest with my brothers and I and treated us with respect. It's nice. We are a family that really likes each other, besides loving each other and it makes family get togethers fun instead of like dental work with no anesthesia.

I love going "home" and having my parents wait on me. Worrying about what I want to eat or drink. Living in my wonderful household with three boys and a darling hubby, I don't get too much of that. That is a real treat. Plus, I am the only daughter. No, my dad has never called me princess or been mushy with me but he doesn't have to. I know he loves me by his actions. Unfailing support. The kind of "call him in the middle of the night and he will be there" support. Seriously, my dad is the type that if you call and need help his answer is "Are you sure that's all you need? I can do more."

Some day they will be gone. I dread that day. I hate seeing my parents age too. They were always the "grown-ups" and never needed any help. Its hard to see that change and to know that they will begin to rely more and more on us, their children.

So, that's where I am this holiday weekend. Thanks again for all the nice comments.


  • So glad that all is well.

    It's hard growing up, huh? And it's hilarious and weird that we're still "growing up" in our thirties, forties, etc.

    By Anonymous jess, at 7/02/2006 3:47 PM  

  • I'm glad your dad is OK. Try not to worry too much. I neglected to note in my comment yesterday that meds keep my heart arrhythmia under control.

    As Jess noted, we never stop needing our parents. My dad died 14 years ago, July 2, and my mom on September that same year. There really wasn't a silver lining in that whole horrible experience except that once they were gone I no longer could worry about them or wonder what my life would be like without them.

    By Anonymous V-Grrrl, at 7/03/2006 4:51 AM  

  • I understand perfectly. My parents just moved 20 minutes away from us after living 1000s of miles away for most of my adult life. I LOVE having them so close. I love our Sunday dinners together. But it makes me more acutely aware than ever that they are aging and won't be here forever. But I am trying to live in the present and enjoy watching my parents with my children. We've never had this kind of day in, day out relationship. It's very precious.

    By Anonymous tlc, at 7/03/2006 7:31 AM  

  • Debbie, I'm glad that the prognosis is good.

    My father will turn 66 on Wednesday, and I know he is very conscious of his aging since his own father died at 68. My father is in infinitely better health than his own father was, but the fact is that anything can happen. I feel fortunate to still have both my parents, and I dread losing either one of them. I may love my independence, but I love knowing that I have my mommy and daddy too.

    By Anonymous mothergoosemouse, at 7/03/2006 9:34 AM  

  • Glad he's doing OK. And you're not the only one who realizes that one day we'll all be "orphans". I came to that realization when my Dad died. It's good that you appreciate them now. (Who doesn't like being waited on?) :-)

    By Blogger Type (little) a, at 7/03/2006 10:51 AM  

  • I am so glad that your dad is well. It isn't until you get out into the real world and start learning about other peoples families that you realize how good you had it. I never realized how fortunate I was to have come from a loving, fun supportive, and accepting family. We all, love, like and enjoy being around each other....much more rare than one would assume. Recently, my 17 year old son told me how lucky he feels to have such a strong, happy family.....he is beginning to see the disfunction in his friends families.

    Our parents are treaures. I lost my dad way to early but was fortunate to have no regrets where he was stupid fights left unresolved or "I love you" left unsaid. My mom is my safety net and I feel comfort in knowing that she is there for me...I strive to be just like her when I 'grow up'!!

    By Anonymous Carol, at 7/03/2006 12:03 PM  

  • Debbie, I'm glad to hear that your dad is on the mend, and I can relate to what you wrote about the comfort of knowing your parents are there...and the fear of losing them. I think about this more and more as I get older. During my custody fight and ever since, my dad has been my strongest ally, and I don't know what I would have done without him. He also says, "Are you sure that's all you need? I can do more," when I ask him for help, and he's always calling me to see if I need anything. Both of my parents have had health trouble in the past couple of years, and I find myself worrying about losing them someday. Thanks for writing something that's close to my heart. Give your dad my best. :)

    By Blogger B.E.C.K., at 7/03/2006 2:15 PM  

  • I'm so glad he's OK! Sometimes I think about losing my Mom too. It's the most scary thought to me.

    But I also know that we're living a cycle. Your kids probably share similiar fears and THEIR kids will share that fear. Way leads to way and we have to love them while we have them.

    By Blogger Tink, at 7/03/2006 4:18 PM  

  • Glad all turned out well. I too am very close with my family and it sounds like our families are very much alike (only I have no brothers). I too am terrified of what will happen when they're gone and I don't think I'll be able to handle it. My mum has dodged so many bullets so far (cancer a few times, serious car accidents, and a recent benign breast tumour) it scares me to death to think of losing her. My dad is such a phenomenal guy I'd be lost without him.

    By Blogger Heather, at 7/03/2006 7:08 PM  

  • I'm glad to hear your dad's prognosis is good.

    One thing that I really realized when my mom died is how important family is, and I think about my father and what it will be like when he's gone a lot more than I did when she was alive. It sounds kind of cheesy, but I really do try to just enjoy the time I have with the people I love.

    By Anonymous mamatulip, at 7/03/2006 9:11 PM  

  • Yeah, I had a tough time last summer realizing that I actually feel safer driving now than having my dad drive.

    My whole life my dad drove us everywhere, I felt safe with him behind the wheel. But that's changing. He's older now, his eyesight is going, his reaction time is slowing.

    So I had to gently ask him to let me drive. It wasn't easy.

    By Blogger teahouse, at 7/03/2006 11:42 PM  

  • Once both parents are gone, you will still have your memories of them which will serves as a safety net. You may even dream about them.

    By Blogger Dan, at 7/05/2006 11:04 AM  

  • Debbie, this is the first time I've had a chance to visit your blog in awhile: I'm so sorry to hear about your dad! Wishing him a speedy recovery. Glad to read his prognosis is good. It is sad to acknowledge that one day we will all be orphans. But on the flip side, it can help us cherish our time with parents more after we do acknowledge this.

    By Blogger Jess Riley, at 7/05/2006 5:15 PM  

  • Debbie, sorry I missed your post about your dad, but so glad to hear that the emergency has passed. The man I consider my dad is actually my ex-step-dad, but he is my safety net too. He has terminal cancer, and I feel little sick imagining the day he will be gone. The net will be gone.

    By Blogger Mignon, at 7/06/2006 1:04 PM  

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