Cats and Dogs? Or More?

Can we all agree that there are some major differences between men and women? I am talking about more than just penises and vaginas here.

Let me give you an example....this weekend we went on a retreat with our church in the Hill Country. It is gorgeous and all the way there I tell the hubs that all I want to do is go hiking. More than anything else, I want to go hiking. He was all okay, sounds great.

Saturday dawns cool and clear. So beautiful it just took your breath away. Once we finished with the keynote speaker and group photo, we were on our own to do whatever we wanted. We canoed down the river and kept talking about going on our hike. We even invited another friend along. All set right? We went to lunch with the plan still in place. Now we did not set a specific time or anything just some time after lunch.

Hubs and youngest son left lunch before me. I needed to go and change into my hiking shoes anyway so I went back to our room. I changed and then waited. And waited. And waited. After almost an hour, Hubs reenters the room all sweaty and blowing hard "Whoo! We just went on a super hike!"

Imagine my shock. Imagine my surprise. No, try harder really. I don't think you are imagining hard enough. Now imagine my pissedoffedness. "What do you mean you went on a hike?" At this point I am like a cat toying with the innocent mouse who is smiling and all happy like, not realizing that his fate is sealed. He and our youngest and the other friend went on the hike....without me. Me, who's idea it was to go on the hike in the first place! All the while I had been sitting and waiting for them. He says, "Are you mad?" Silly question, silly mouse. "Hell, yes I'm mad!! It was the one thing I wanted to do today!!" To that he replies, "I'll go again with you." To which I reply, "Please do not patronize me like I am some kind of child." Then he said something like, "then don't act like one." This mouse just doesn't realize the danger that he is in now does he??? There is a wise old saying, "if the momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

I left the house we were staying in and actually hid in the back garden with my book that I could no longer concentrate on and read. I fumed and fussed to myself. Then I got mad at myself. I feel like I have spent almost my entire life waiting on other people rather than doing what I want. Of course, I call it being a sacrificing, "good" mother. I considered going hiking by myself but then had visions of falling and breaking my ankle out in the woods, or being bit by a snake or getting lost.

I berated myself for not doing more with my life and just sitting on the sidelines. What am I so afraid of? Why do I wait for others before doing what I want? No one asks me to wait. When I crept back into the room, hubs was taking a nap. Obviously, he hadn't lost any sleep over the subject. Don't think too badly of him. He really didn't mean to hurt my feelings or ruin my day and I know that. Okay, I'm not totally letting him off the hook but still I blame myself more.

Luckily, another lady from church walked by me and said she wanted to go on a walk so we went hiking together. We had a wonderful hour and a half walk and even walked a labyrinth, visited and got to know each other. God had a plan and now in retrospect I am glad things worked out the way they did. Still, there is a lesson there. I want to stop putting my life on hold, thinking that makes me a better mother. It doesn't--it just makes me a pissed off martyr with nothing to show for it.