Letter to My Firstborn

I know you are 18 and a half now and you have jumped into your new life with both feet. You haven't looked back once. If you had, you would have seen me frantically waving and if you looked closely, a tear or two trickling down my cheek.

I'm thrilled and happy for you that college is treating you so well. You are making connections and finding your niche which makes me realize you will definately "make it." You have embraced your ROTC training and love it. I can hear the excitement in your voice when you call and I am happy.

I watched you during your senior year in h.s. and knew you were simply waiting. Fingers drumming on a hard surface type of waiting. So, I'm not really surprised that you have done all the things that you have already in college. ROTC is thrilled to have you - and why not? You are one of the "gifted and talented" ones! You are smart and definately leadership and officer material. Plus, you are 194 lbs. of muscle so you have the physique to back up your leadership. The Fraternity would be lucky to get you. You are funny, and personable and someone that anyone would want representing a great organization.

But, here's what I see when I look at you....I remember the morning after you were born. It had a been a long delivery and a long, tiring night. The next morning after the nurses bathed you, they brought you in to my room. I had just turned 22 years old. I was still not even used to anyone treating me like a grown up, yet alone, a mom. They put you on my stomach and I leaned you against my bent legs as I sat up in the bed. Then I peeled away the blanket to really look at you. You were PERFECT! Then you yawned. My heart was no longer my own.

I have spent the last 18 and a half years keeping you safe, trying to make you happy and teach you a little here and there. A life in the military goes completely against a mother's instincts and it is something I struggle with.

I miss you. You have always made me laugh, like a friend. But, you warned me that you wouldn't come home the first couple months of college. I thought you were joking. I was prepared for lots of laundry on the weekends. Then nothing. Each weekend you were busy with friends. I haven't done laundry once. I know I'm pitiful. But, I am a person who shows love by doing. I want to do your laundry so I can say I love you. When you left for college, you took something that you didn't even realize. A big chunk of my heart. You've owned it since that yawn but I am left trying to live without it.

So, here I am. Look I'm waving! No laundry....I love you!