Monday, April 28, 2008

An Open Letter...

Dear Miley/Hannah,

I heard that you are considering writing your autobiography. Interesting. Or would it be? How old are you? 15?

Since I have lived long enough to actually qualify for autobiographical status - may I please step in?

The Top Ten Reasons Why Mi-anna Should Not Write Her Life Story:

10. You have not lived long enough to write your memoirs. There is NO story.
9. Memoirs about your toddler years and the time you had diaper rash does not a book make.
8. Hannah Montana is NOT a real knew that, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU???
7. What's the most horrible thing to happen to you? Your period starting?
6. Again, the time you got one pimple, does not qualify as a learning example for others.
5. You are too normal acting to have a salacious story. Have you forgotten to wear underwear lately? Shaved your head? Didn't think so.
4. A story about how you are a complete creation by Disney and you can't even sing all that well? We might be able to go somewhere with that!
3. Has your daddy pimped you out? Bought you boobs and lips? Sold you to the highest bidder? No? Oh yeah, that's Jessica Simpson - now SHE'S got a book in the making!
2. No, dear, Robitussin for your cough does not qualify you as a drug addict.
1. The world doesn't need to be subjected to your "Achy Breaky Daddy" any more.

Please reconsider, Mi-anna. Wait until you at least get your driver's license then maybe you can write a chapter about the time you scraped the fender backing out of the garage. Now that will keep 'em on the edge of their seat. I feel a movie in the making....


  • she's a money making machine. If you look at this from the view of her target audience, they will swoop into stores, pouring over every word of what it's like to live their little 13 year old girl dream. From an adult standpoint, of course she's got nothing to say. Stories of meeting celebrities, touring, meeting fans, traveling, tutors, her "leaked photos",,,,,,,,all to be devoured by her fans. Which are all tween girls. Whoever is in charge of marketing her has come up with yet another way to rake in the dough. I just wonder when enough is enough. She's just a girl. Trying to grow up. My daughter has enough to think about, minus all the fame and responsibility at 14.

    By Blogger spellconjurer, at 4/28/2008 6:19 PM  

  • Sigh. Is this going to be like back when Drew Barrymore wrote "Little Girl Lost" when she was like, 17? I really hope not. Although she did turn out ok, thank goodness.

    By Blogger teahouse, at 4/28/2008 10:40 PM  

  • My thoughts exactly...

    And yes, she has been pimped out by Dad and Disney

    By Anonymous V-Grrr;, at 5/04/2008 9:08 AM  

  • Well...I'd agree about Drew Barrymore except she did live a pretty controversial life (and her forebears were famous, too) by the time she was 17. Still...

    But Miley Cyrus? No...there's absolutely nothing to read about here.

    By Anonymous apathy lounge, at 5/05/2008 9:54 PM  

  • Agreed, nothing to read here. Yawn. Just sing for me, girl--oops, I mean sing for my son and stop talking already.

    By Blogger J. Hi, at 5/06/2008 12:37 PM  



    J e f

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6/19/2008 4:22 AM  

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