An Open Letter...

Dear Miley/Hannah,

I heard that you are considering writing your autobiography. Interesting. Or would it be? How old are you? 15?

Since I have lived long enough to actually qualify for autobiographical status - may I please step in?

The Top Ten Reasons Why Mi-anna Should Not Write Her Life Story:

10. You have not lived long enough to write your memoirs. There is NO story.
9. Memoirs about your toddler years and the time you had diaper rash does not a book make.
8. Hannah Montana is NOT a real person....you knew that, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU???
7. What's the most horrible thing to happen to you? Your period starting?
6. Again, the time you got one pimple, does not qualify as a learning example for others.
5. You are too normal acting to have a salacious story. Have you forgotten to wear underwear lately? Shaved your head? Didn't think so.
4. A story about how you are a complete creation by Disney and you can't even sing all that well? We might be able to go somewhere with that!
3. Has your daddy pimped you out? Bought you boobs and lips? Sold you to the highest bidder? No? Oh yeah, that's Jessica Simpson - now SHE'S got a book in the making!
2. No, dear, Robitussin for your cough does not qualify you as a drug addict.
1. The world doesn't need to be subjected to your "Achy Breaky Daddy" any more.

Please reconsider, Mi-anna. Wait until you at least get your driver's license then maybe you can write a chapter about the time you scraped the fender backing out of the garage. Now that will keep 'em on the edge of their seat. I feel a movie in the making....