DebbieDoesLife

Friday, April 18, 2008

Fears


I am not afraid to admit that I have certain fears. Obviously, admitting to them is NOT one of my phobias.

In my adult life I have often contemplated how fear has shaped my life. Most people fear failure. Not me. I fear success. I used to tell myself I couldn't work outside the home because I would be "too good at it" and then I would neglect my children/husband/home and be left in ruin.

Hubs: "So you are afraid you will be too successful?"
me: "pretty much."

Yesterday I was at an office building and had to use the escalator to go downstairs. This escalator was the Mt. Everest of all escalators. It was tracking at about 35 mph with a black ski slope incline. My stomach did a sickening flip-flop. I have a fear of escalators. This fear is somewhat justified because I did fall down one when I was about five. To this day, I don't like anyone to be too close behind me when I get on. I have to jump on with a style similar to playground jump roping (remember when we were given huge long jump ropes and 2 - 3 people at a time could jump?? Remember how we would hold our hands over our head getting the rhythm so we could "jump in"??)

Growing up, I had the run-of-the-mill childhood fears (the dark, boogers, snakes!). I remember a few fears distinctly. Someone gave me this doll that was supposed to walk. The freakishly scary, Barbie-on-steroids was like 2 1/2 feet tall! I got her for my birthday when I was four. I will never forget the first night I had her. I tried to go to bed - squeezed my little eyelids shut but, SHE was staring at me - from the corner of my room. I got up and dug out all the toys in my wooden, coffin-like toybox and placed her FACE DOWN. I had this idea that she would not be able to get out this way and I would be safe. It worked!

Another somewhat irrational fear that has dogged me from childhood is my inability to let any part of my body dangle off the bed. I envision someone or thing under my bed will be able to grab my careless appendage and pull me under. Not sure what would happen then but it must be awful because I can not let anything off the safety zone of the mattress.

Fear can save our lives or it can cripple mercilessly. I guess it would be controlling the fear, instead of the other way around that is key.

11 Comments:

  • Big dolls scare me, too. And I always sleep with the covers up over my next so as to deter vampires. Slept. Did I write sleep? I totally meant slept.

    By Anonymous Jess, at 4/18/2008 9:38 PM  

  • OMG that photo is SOooo scary!

    I had a fear of hanging appendages off the side of the bed as a teen too. I was afraid that whatever arm or leg it was would be cut off. I have no idea why. I even went through a small period of time falling asleep with my hands over my neck so no one would chop it off. Where the hell do we get these things as kids? I mean, how warped is THAT?
    P.S. Escalators make me nervous too!

    By Blogger Crazy MomCat, at 4/18/2008 11:14 PM  

  • Argh. I know what you mean. When I was a kid, I had a Cuddly Duddly (stuffed dog from a TV program) that was HUGE and looked at me all the time while I tried to sleep. *shudder*

    By Blogger B.E.C.K., at 4/19/2008 6:08 AM  

  • Dolls are creepy, especially Clown dolls. After seeing "Poltergeist" that was it for me and clown dolls.

    I fear the phone. I get very anxious if I have to call someone who is not expecting me to call. Don't know why.

    By Blogger J. Hi, at 4/19/2008 9:14 AM  

  • I had the same fears everyone has listed: dolls, limbs hanging off of beds, snakes!! I'm over most of the childish ones (except snakes), but I have replaced them with other wierd unexplainable fears. For awhile I was afraid someone would put something in my purse when I was in Target (and only Target) and then accuse me of shoplifting. WTF! I find the Hoover Dam to be the scariest place in North America. And two things that I was not afraid of when I was a child were sailing and flying, I am now afraid of both! I am a mess of neuroses. I should be on medication.

    By Anonymous Angie, at 4/20/2008 2:47 PM  

  • Debbie, I do the exact same thing with the bed. Every once in a while, my neck will hurt or whatever, and I'll want to put my arms straight out instead of fetus-style, and I just can't stand it. The second they're exposed, I'm all...shit's under the bed just waiting for me, I know it.

    Glad I'm not the only neurotic one.

    By Blogger Candy, at 4/21/2008 8:29 AM  

  • I am also scared of escalators...I was at the mall one day during a storm. The power went out while I was on the up escalator. I was stuck there for 5 hours!
    Terrifying!

    By Blogger cher, at 4/21/2008 9:31 AM  

  • A friend of mine was freaked out by her Teddy Rupskin doll when she was little. Then her brothers decided to aid her phobia by putting a Metallica tape in it's player. She was so terrified, she pulled its eyes out of its head so it couldn't "look" at her anymore.

    By Blogger Tink, at 4/21/2008 2:02 PM  

  • An eyeless Teddy Rumpkin bear? NOw that's scary.

    I'm afraid of getting lost. Get tense when I have to drive or travel alone in unfamiliar places. After living in Belgium for three years, this phobia has lessened considerably.

    Heights bother me, and I especially hate going up spiral staircases. The view down blows my mind.

    In general though, I've found my fears have lessened with age.

    By Anonymous V-Grrrl, at 4/21/2008 4:48 PM  

  • haha I hope Cher meant that she was stuck in an elevator not the stairs type (escalator) that you can walk up or down on. HAHA Made me chukle.

    Now that I have children I cant scream like a school girl ad run when I see a snake or some other huge creature that could kill me. I have to now calmly say "son go get the shovel" - bigluv

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4/22/2008 12:24 PM  

  • I didn't see any mention of zombies...

    By Anonymous Helmet, at 5/15/2008 3:44 PM  

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