Fears

I am not afraid to admit that I have certain fears. Obviously, admitting to them is NOT one of my phobias.

In my adult life I have often contemplated how fear has shaped my life. Most people fear failure. Not me. I fear success. I used to tell myself I couldn't work outside the home because I would be "too good at it" and then I would neglect my children/husband/home and be left in ruin.

Hubs: "So you are afraid you will be too successful?"

me: "pretty much."

Yesterday I was at an office building and had to use the escalator to go downstairs. This escalator was the Mt. Everest of all escalators. It was tracking at about 35 mph with a black ski slope incline. My stomach did a sickening flip-flop. I have a fear of escalators. This fear is somewhat justified because I did fall down one when I was about five. To this day, I don't like anyone to be too close behind me when I get on. I have to jump on with a style similar to playground jump roping (remember when we were given huge long jump ropes and 2 - 3 people at a time could jump?? Remember how we would hold our hands over our head getting the rhythm so we could "jump in"??)

Growing up, I had the run-of-the-mill childhood fears (the dark, boogers, snakes!). I remember a few fears distinctly. Someone gave me this doll that was supposed to walk. The freakishly scary, Barbie-on-steroids was like 2 1/2 feet tall! I got her for my birthday when I was four. I will never forget the first night I had her. I tried to go to bed - squeezed my little eyelids shut but, SHE was staring at me - from the corner of my room. I got up and dug out all the toys in my wooden, coffin-like toybox and placed her FACE DOWN. I had this idea that she would not be able to get out this way and I would be safe. It worked!

Another somewhat irrational fear that has dogged me from childhood is my inability to let any part of my body dangle off the bed. I envision someone or thing under my bed will be able to grab my careless appendage and pull me under. Not sure what would happen then but it must be awful because I can not let anything off the safety zone of the mattress.

Fear can save our lives or it can cripple mercilessly. I guess it would be controlling the fear, instead of the other way around that is key.