Thursday, January 04, 2007

Stupid is as Stupid does

I do really stupid things sometimes. I mean really stupid. My suspicion is there is a rule book that all of you got and for some reason I didn't. Maybe while I was in line to be sent to earth, I couldn't wait and had to step out to run to the bathroom and dammit! I missed out on this book, "100 Things EveryOne Knows". If I ever meet the person who was in line next to me in heaven I am going to kick his/her butt. Because you know I asked them to grab me a copy if they got to the front of the line and I hadn't come back!! Oh and I WILL know YOU if I ever meet you here on earth!

What's frustrating is I can be brilliant when it comes to obscure things. Just the other night at book club someone mentioned Copernicus and how he is the one who said the earth revolved around the sun instead of the other way around. I spouted out, "Yes, we went from a geocentric system to a heliocentric!" There were lots of oohs and aahs.

The simple everyday things? They elude me sometimes. Just yesterday, it was cold when the youngest and I got home. I thought, "A lovely fire would be great!" So, I turned on the gas and then said, "Don't you kids at home try this!" and proceeded to scorch my eyebrows with the great ball of flame. And, no that wasn't the stupid thing.

The house started to smell funny. I had also turned up the heat so worried that there was maybe a gas leak??? After about 10 minutes I called the hubby at work.

me: Hey, it smells like gas in here. I turned up the heat and its working and the fire is burning so I don't know where the smell would be coming from.
Hubs: Did you open the damper?
me: What damper?
Hubs: In the fireplace. Honey, please tell me you opened that. The house is filling with carbon monoxide. Turn off the fireplace!

The next ten minutes was spent waving doors open and closed to try and push out the toxic fumes. I told the 9 year old what happened and he said, "Mom, I don't think I trust you anymore."

Yeah kid, me neither!

Then there was the time I washed the Suburban. I had driven through some kind of paint overspray and there were teensy tiny white spots on the car. I was washing it and had a brilliant idea. Instead of popping them off with my finger one by one, I would grab my kitchen scrubber sponge (I am sure this is covered in the "100 Things Everyone Else Knows" book) and use the scratchy side and pop those suckers right off. And, it worked. Along with scratching the paint off. I almost threw up when I walked back around to admire my handiwork.

Oh, there's more but we will save those for another day of self-flagellation.


  • I think we might be twins.

    By Blogger Wendy, at 1/04/2007 11:24 AM  

  • Debbie, this is me to a T. I do stupid things all the time and I always wonder if people see me as an exhausted stay-at-home mother to two deliciously sweet yet really spirited children or if they see me as a total fucking moron.

    Last night I smashed the coffee pot. Smashing the coffee pot, in this house, is like a drug dealer dumping a pound of snowy white cocaine down the toilet. I was DEVASTATED. So I set out today to get a new one. I hit the local thrift store, found one that I was sure would fit, came home and bleached it. I scrubbed the price sticker off of it, threw the recepit out and giggled with anticipation as I went to put the pot in and make a whole bunch of delicious coffee.

    It didn't fit. And I can't return it because A) I scrubbed the price sticker off of it and B) the recepit is sitting under a pile of yesterday's coffee grounds and eggshells.

    By Anonymous mamatulip, at 1/04/2007 12:42 PM  

  • I can top all of yours. I was deep in thought as I headed for the door out of my office this morning... and forgot to actually OPEN the door. I think my forehead saved me from breaking my nose.

    By Blogger Tink, at 1/04/2007 2:39 PM  

  • If I had to list all of the stupid things I've done lately...I would start crying before I was finished.

    By Anonymous wordigirl, at 1/04/2007 10:53 PM  

  • Hey, I'm glad you didn't burn down your beautiful new house!!

    By Blogger teahouse, at 1/04/2007 11:05 PM  

  • i didn't get the 100 things book either. i liked it better when my kids thought i knew everything! :)

    By Blogger acaligurl, at 1/04/2007 11:44 PM  

  • Did you not read my post about almost burning our house down with the bedroom fireplace? And go and check out today's post. I might have to declare 2007 my personal Year Of Stupidity.

    By Blogger Annie, The Evil Queen, at 1/05/2007 12:01 AM  

  • I'd say something about Blondes, but that is such a cliche.

    By Anonymous Tank, at 1/05/2007 8:41 AM  

  • Story of my life, Debbie, story of my life.

    By Blogger Renee, at 1/05/2007 11:31 AM  

  • Totally been there. Hey, and I'm glad you're not dead. ;^)

    By Blogger B.E.C.K., at 1/05/2007 7:35 PM  

  • You're not alone. Let's just say my computer and my hairdryer are now acquaintances.

    By Blogger Arabella, at 1/05/2007 8:06 PM  

  • Dude, I'm wicked smaht, and I always forget that damn damper thing AND I used the scratchy sink thingy to cleen the shiny plastic door of my black microwave. Which is now a hazy grey color from me scratching off all of the pretty black polished finish.

    By Blogger Mignon, at 1/06/2007 8:38 PM  

  • HAHAHAHA. I can so relate, blonde girl. I was drying my hair the other day and the hair dryer went out. I was so annoyed and had to pin up my hair to go to work, then I stopped and bought a new hair dryer, only to come home and see that other things were off, too. I had blown a breaker and the hair dryer is fine. DUH.

    By Blogger Trish, at 1/07/2007 10:41 AM  

  • LOL- I laughed out loud at the car incident that I almost snorted bad coffee out my nose.

    By Anonymous Sharla Dawn, at 1/07/2007 11:46 AM  

  • The gas thing happened to me once. Except, you know, I called the gas company and got to look like an idiot in person :)

    Oooh, all this talk of your house makes me tingly in my mommy bits again.

    By Anonymous sarcastic journalist, at 1/08/2007 10:44 AM  

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