Stupid is as Stupid does

I do really stupid things sometimes. I mean really stupid. My suspicion is there is a rule book that all of you got and for some reason I didn't. Maybe while I was in line to be sent to earth, I couldn't wait and had to step out to run to the bathroom and dammit! I missed out on this book, "100 Things EveryOne Knows". If I ever meet the person who was in line next to me in heaven I am going to kick his/her butt. Because you know I asked them to grab me a copy if they got to the front of the line and I hadn't come back!! Oh and I WILL know YOU if I ever meet you here on earth!

What's frustrating is I can be brilliant when it comes to obscure things. Just the other night at book club someone mentioned Copernicus and how he is the one who said the earth revolved around the sun instead of the other way around. I spouted out, "Yes, we went from a geocentric system to a heliocentric!" There were lots of oohs and aahs.

The simple everyday things? They elude me sometimes. Just yesterday, it was cold when the youngest and I got home. I thought, "A lovely fire would be great!" So, I turned on the gas and then said, "Don't you kids at home try this!" and proceeded to scorch my eyebrows with the great ball of flame. And, no that wasn't the stupid thing.

The house started to smell funny. I had also turned up the heat so worried that there was maybe a gas leak??? After about 10 minutes I called the hubby at work.

me: Hey, it smells like gas in here. I turned up the heat and its working and the fire is burning so I don't know where the smell would be coming from.
Hubs: Did you open the damper?
me: What damper?
Hubs: In the fireplace. Honey, please tell me you opened that. The house is filling with carbon monoxide. Turn off the fireplace!

The next ten minutes was spent waving doors open and closed to try and push out the toxic fumes. I told the 9 year old what happened and he said, "Mom, I don't think I trust you anymore."

Yeah kid, me neither!

Then there was the time I washed the Suburban. I had driven through some kind of paint overspray and there were teensy tiny white spots on the car. I was washing it and had a brilliant idea. Instead of popping them off with my finger one by one, I would grab my kitchen scrubber sponge (I am sure this is covered in the "100 Things Everyone Else Knows" book) and use the scratchy side and pop those suckers right off. And, it worked. Along with scratching the paint off. I almost threw up when I walked back around to admire my handiwork.

Oh, there's more but we will save those for another day of self-flagellation.