Thursday, October 11, 2007

Spare the Rod, Please!

Recently, seen on a church marquee, "Parents and children should be on SPANKING terms."

This little zinger really made me pause. For one thing, I found it inappropriate that a church would post it on their large sign out front. Maybe they want the world to know just how fundamental they are...or archaic.

I do not agree with spanking.

I am raising three boys. If anyone would NEED to spank, I would think it would be me. But, here is where I have the problem with spanking (other than it is beating up someone littler than you are, which is the definition of a bully in my book) when you must resort to hitting your child, it means you have lost control. It means you have NOT done your job as a parent.

Let me explain - in my house, I never have HAD to spank. For one thing, it has never been in doubt who is in charge. My husband and I are the leaders in the household. Our children are NOT secondhand citizens by any means but they know their place in the home. They have been taught from day one to treat us and each other with respect. I have never had to spank because I never allowed a situation to deteriorate to the point that in order for me to feel in control I had to hit someone.

When my 20 year old was about 15, he came home from a friend's house. He commented that this friend treated his mother with a lot of disrespect. He talked down to her and yelled at her. Here was my son's comment to me, "I told him that he wouldn't last a day in my house."

Personally, I took that as a compliment. I am glad my kids know I would never ALLOW someone to act like that to me. So, you see, spanking simply wasn't an option or needed. And, for those of you who are interested, I was not spanked as a child by my parents either.

I am a Christian. But, I believe that the Bible was not meant to be taken literally. Spare the rod? A rod is what a shepherd uses to herd the sheep. He doesn't beat them with it. He prompts and guides his flock. You reap what you sow. I am enjoying my harvest.


  • That's really disturbing to me, that a church would advertise that.

    In theory, I agree with you 100 percent. With that said, I have had to spank and regretted it.

    Since you have 3 boys, what do you do when one gets totally out of control, mouthy, yelling and will not obey? I've tried taking away things, time outs, grounding, fining, giving chores. My 8-year-old just sometimes doesn't stop when he's really worked up. I really make him sound bad, and he's not, he just spirals downward when he gets really upset. Obviously, spanking does NOT help that either.

    By Blogger Crazy MomCat, at 10/11/2007 8:09 AM  

  • I have NOT walked a mile in your shoes so I do not judge. Also, my boys are all 4 years apart. I think it would be more challenging to have kids two years or less apart in age.

    I honestly don't remember a time that one of mine got that angry or out of control. All I can think is that I stopped it BEFORE it reached that point. I don't spank, but I can grab your upper arm or either side of your face in such a way that I GET YOUR ATTENTION. My kids knew then that whatever they were doing needed to stop immediately.

    There are different leadership styles. I do get angry and I have yelled lots of times. Formalized spanking is just not a part of my style and I have never seen people who used it have any more success than others.

    By Blogger DebbieDoesLife, at 10/11/2007 8:42 AM  

  • Such a well articulated post. I couldn't agree more, but I never could have said it as well as you. Because I grew up in a family and church that took corporal punishment to the extreme, so I could never consider using it on my child. When I see someone spanking a child in a store it makes me cringe. And they can say all they want that they are doing it with love, but I just can't see that.

    By Anonymous TB, at 10/11/2007 10:09 AM  

  • Sounds like you and your husband have done a good job of raising 3 very nice young men!

    By Blogger teahouse, at 10/11/2007 6:12 PM  

  • I love your biblical comment. I think a church near the one you saw should put up a paraphrased version of that.

    Thank you for putting up a post that let's me brag about our kids. We never spanked any of them (there are three). Frankly, I wouldn't know the procedure for spanking. I do have to admit to getting angry occasionally, and apparently that can be quite scary. Not Alec Baldwin scary--I would never threaten my kids--I'm just a big scary guy.
    We explain the difference between right and wrong when an issue comes up. They're smart enough to understand.

    They're absolutely wonderful kids.

    By Anonymous Tank, at 10/12/2007 8:51 AM  

  • I don't agree on the spanking ...partially. It's only effective for a little while and then you really need something else. My 4 year old doesn't respond as well to it now, but then all I have to do is float the idea out about spanking or timeout.

    I do think that kids need to learn respect.


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10/12/2007 3:58 PM  

  • I have a problem with spanking, too, and having a child with ADHD, I have been criticized by many people, including my family, for not spanking when he misbehaves, when that's the worst thing you can do when a child is out of control. At least in my opinion. Good post, and I'm not surprised by that church's sign, especially in this part of the country.

    By Anonymous trish, at 10/13/2007 7:44 AM  

  • Hear Hear!!!!
    A perfect post...

    By Blogger Pendullum, at 10/13/2007 12:25 PM  

  • My Mom spanked me. It didn't teach me to respect her. It taught me to fear her.

    By Blogger Tink, at 10/16/2007 7:50 AM  

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