Wednesday, March 29, 2006

The Birds and Bees

No doubt, Spring has sprung in south Texas. The rain showers, the bluebonnets, the pollen. But, the bird sex is out of control. Yes, bird sex. I am surrounded.

Yesterday I was at a friend's house having lunch and she has two Love Birds. The male kept bending up and down and rubbing himself on his perch. My friend told me that he was beating off....uh, I mean pleasuring himself. Why doesn't he just have sex with his female companion? They are Love Birds. The answer was that unless they put a nest in there the female won't have sex with him.

Good girl! Hold out for the big house! Make him fork over a big diamond too!

Then this morning on our morning drive to school the ducks were fuc...I mean, getting busy. I almost had to take both hands off the wheel to cover the youngest's eyes. We pass by a pond and it would be fine if the ducks would keep it all over there but no, they prefer the drainage ditch right next to the road.

There were three males poking...I mean pestering this one female. She looked a little flustered and I can't say I blame her. These male ducks were acting just like

  • Has anyone ever seen a male bird's penis?

  • Click Here Then!!

  • Did you have any idea that you would be so curious about bird sex or body parts?? Hey, I think about things. Go ahead, call me a brainiac.


    • Wow. I mean... Wow. That's crazy! Learn something new everyday.

      By Blogger Tink, at 3/29/2006 9:44 AM  

    • I vote that you change your post title to "In the spring a young duck's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of species propagation..." ;^)

      Many years ago, a dear friend took me to the San Diego Zoo and SeaWorld, where we saw a male rhino mounting a female (the female decided she'd have none of it and walked out from under him leaving him to thud upon the dirt!), chimps mating, and a walrus with a verrrry long member pleasuring himself while floating on its back. A guy next to us videotaped that last one. Good times!

      By Blogger B.E.C.K., at 3/29/2006 10:20 AM  

    • I wonder how many searches there are each day for "duck penis"? I'm sure that's a very proud duck, but frankly, if mine was as long as my body, I believe I would be in for a lifetime of frustration…

      …and expensive tailoring.

      By Anonymous Tank, at 3/29/2006 10:24 AM  

    • Debbie, thank you for not letting me down. This is just the kind of subject matter and linkage that I have come to expect from you :o)

      And what I'd like to know is: why isn't the saying - "Hung like a duck"?

      By Anonymous TB, at 3/29/2006 10:48 AM  

    • Who knew that a duck's "dillywacker," or dare I say it, "wang" was so long (and oddly stringy ... looks like a hank of yarn!).

      By Blogger Mrs. Harridan, at 3/29/2006 11:04 AM  

    • Have you ever seen an elephant bulls'penis? OH MY GOD!!! It is HUGE and has a life of its own! It can bend and reach and move
      all around like a freakin' penis-arm. I was unable to look away...I wanted to look away but could not. Does that make me some sort of perve? I just couldn't help but think of the possibilities....if only my husband had such control!!

      By Anonymous Carol, at 3/29/2006 12:17 PM  

    • Oh my GAWD, thanks for the laugh, Debbie. TOO FUNNY!

      By Blogger Crazy MomCat, at 3/29/2006 1:11 PM  

    • That duck's "dong" looks pretty ineffective. Sorta like pushing a rope uphill...if you get my meaning.

      By Blogger wordgirl, at 3/29/2006 1:27 PM  

    • Funniest. Post. Ever.

      By Blogger mama_tulip, at 3/29/2006 1:32 PM  

    • I want to see the elephant bull penis.

      By Anonymous Sharla, at 3/29/2006 1:33 PM  

    • Yeah the birds around here are chirping on about sex every morning, waking us up. The other comments remind me of so many days at the zoo with monkies jerking off, and later a hippo's peenie flapping around. It's good to know I'm not alone, I thought I was the only one who had an uncanny knack to find animals jerking off at the zoo.

      By Blogger Heather, at 3/29/2006 1:47 PM  

    • We used to have a lovebird. Petey. He liked to hump my shoulder and regurgitate his rice krispies onto the top of my nose. When we found out this meant he thought I was his bitch, he found himself in a new home right quick. Good thing lovebirds aren't hung like ducks.

      By Blogger Mignon, at 3/29/2006 5:19 PM  

    • Dude, the male ducks gang bang the omega male duck by our office building.

      These two pigeons were bumping uglies in my in-law's backyard while we were visiting them. I had forgotten to post about that on my blog. Thank you for letting me share this on yours.

      By Blogger Melanhead, at 3/29/2006 9:37 PM  

    • We were at the Jacksonville Zoo in Florida and saw a chimp getting a blow job. NO LIE. (And no Michael Jackson wasn't involved).

      By Anonymous V-Grrrl, at 3/30/2006 4:48 AM  

    • Holy duck poo, that's hilarious! And a little sad. I envy you all the spare time you must have to notice that the birds are making whoopie.

      I had a topic in mind for this morning's post, but after reading your duck f*** post I'm feeling oddly deficient. Like, why bother?

      By Blogger Foo, at 3/30/2006 7:49 AM  

    • Strutting male pigeons are my favorite. They puff themselves up and make all these throaty sounds.

      By Blogger Arabella, at 3/30/2006 7:56 AM  

    • I used to breed love birds. I know all about bird boinkin'.

      "Beating off". That made me laugh.

      By Anonymous Y, at 3/30/2006 9:58 AM  

    • Whoah. That image is going to stay with me for much longer than I'd prefer.

      Well, I guess they don't call it "the birds and the bees" for nothing.

      I dare anyone to find and post a picture of a bee wang. I know there has to "bee" one out there somewhere. har har

      By Blogger Jess Riley, at 3/30/2006 10:54 AM  

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