DebbieDoesLife

Twitter Will Take Us All to Hel...

2009-06-29T15:48:00.004-05:00

I guess from the title you can guess that I don't Twitter, Tweet or Twat. I have twiddled on an occasion and it did involve thumbs but no electronic device.

I do not see the need for Twitter. No real conversation or learning takes place. Do I care what Shaq or Ashton Kutcher had for breakfast? (the answer is NO). Do I need to know what my friends are doing every minute of the day? (again, NO) Do I really care if you are standing in line at Target? My concern is the constant interruption that takes place in our lives with cell phones, Facebook, Twitter, email etc. must be impacting us somehow.

We already prescribe lots drugs to people for Attention Deficit Disorder. Am I the only person to see a connection here? Yes, I know ADD has been around longer than Twitter but maybe there is a link or pattern with the evolvement of our technology. Most of technology is interruptive. Even the beeps on my microwave disrupts my thoughts. I think Twitter signals the end of Knowledge. It is the ultimate waste of time and energy. And, its the ultimate form of narcissm. Does anyone lose themselves in a book anymore? Does anyone really and truly focus on anything? I have my own struggles but I blame my children calling "Mom" 678 times a day for my ADD.

I read a book about an owl that a woman raised and tamed and something she said in it stood out to me. She was studying some owls that would come out at night and hoot and screech in some trees over a parking lot. She would go out to record their calls and monitor their behavior. She noticed almost every single person that passed her or parked there NEVER HEARD THE OWLS. They never even glanced up. According to her these owls were loud. I remember thinking "I hope I am never so out of touch with my surroundings that I wouldn't hear a bird singing or an owl." Many days I am dying to "unplug" and "go off the grid." No phone, no t.v., no email.....just a book and a beer and maybe a hammock.

There are plenty who will hate what I am saying and defend their darling Twitter. Well, I beg to disagree. You are entitled to Twitter, its a free country, but don't bring it around me. I may pull out my fly Swatter or my Swiffer and take out your Twitter.

*after I posted I found this on Brenda's site (thanks Brenda!)http://my-spot-on-earth.blogspot.com/

this is an article about the younger gen wishing their parents would stay out of their business aka the boomers are hogging and changing Facebook and Twitter. http://tech.msn.com/news/articlepcw.aspx?cp-documentid=19904693&GT1=40000

I Still Hate Facebook

2009-06-22T21:23:00.003-05:00

First of all, I am back on Facebook. I know, I know. I bitched, I moaned and I insulted, degraded, stomped with my stiletto the almighty Facebook. What can I say? Peer pressure.

I don't really spend time on it. I still think its pretty worthless communication. There are certain people that feel the need to tell everyone who will listen what they are doing....EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY. I am not one of them.

Tonight I was bored and had just sipped down two glasses of wine (a lovely pinot noir, since you asked) several people had begged to be my friend so I was confirming them and then I decided to look up an old boyfriend. Okay, maybe he was more than an old boyfriend. We dated two years, lived together for about 6 months. I guess you could say he was my first love. He was every parents nightmare and became mine by the end. No matter. He is still the guy that you kinda, sorta hope to run into one day, just to see him. Now we have Facebook. I got to see a picture of him all these years later....damn, he still looks good.

I didn't ask him to be my friend. No thank you. I did get to see his friend list. Its all women. All 94 of them. Many are from Columbia or Puerto Rico - WTF? Is he a gigolo now? Is he smuggling in immigrants?

The last I heard he was banned from a certain state for stealing a computer or something. His ex had called my parents home wanting to know if I would testify that he abused me - to which my mother told me she answered "No, Debbie was never abused."

My mother comes close to Harold's mother in the movie Harold and Maude (look it up and Netflix it). Rather than ask me if I was abused, she answered how she wanted. Okay, other than some major name calling (verbal abuse) and the time he broke most of my unicorns in my collection (unicorn abuse), no real abuse took place.

So how do I wrap this all up?

Facebook = still bad.
"Harold and Maude" = must see movie for everyone!
Old Boyfriends = only gotten worse!

A Rant about Bathrooms

2009-06-04T06:49:00.002-05:00

I spend my fair share of time in bathrooms. Don't get all squeemish on me - its a fact, you do too. Couple this with the amount of time I spend on the road for my job in sales. I have become an expert in the public bathroom. And, with that, I have my usual pet peeve list:

1. Bathrooms that get cute with the signage. You know, pictures of people instead of the usual "Men" or "Women" signs. I was in an asian restaurant one time that did this and there was hardly any difference in the pictures. Both depicted a figure wearing a robe with straight black hair - dancing. Dancing because they couldn't figure out which bathroom to go into???? I waited until someone came out and then based my decision on their previous decision. I have been walked in on by a man who made a hasty judgement call so my fear is justified.

2. Stalls that you can hardly turn around in. If I was a man I could walk straight in, stand there and do my biz, then just back out. Women don't get the option of standing or sitting. We have to walk in, turn around, sit down and then reverse. There are some bathrooms that you can hardly close the door without hitting your knees on it. I am a small person so I am not sure how a large person does it.

3. Bathrooms with "fake you out" soap dispensers. A lot of bathrooms will have a built in soap dispenser but they don't use it and place another on the counter. This results in a dry pump.

4. Bathrooms where I have to wave at everything. I don't mind waving at my soap dispenser, then the water and then the towel but anymore I am not sure if it is an old fashioned crank/handle/pump or not. So, I am waving wildly at everything in there.

5. Stalls that have 3" gaps around the door. Why bother even shutting the door? Or stalls where you have to lift the door to get the lock to fit.

6. While I deplore defacing public property, I do enjoy a bit of bathroom graffiti now and then, such as:

"Go home Mom, You're Drunk" or

"If you miss when you piss, be a sweety and wipe the seaty" or this oldy but a goody,

"Here I sit broken-hearted, I came to shit but only farted."

Nothing like little bathroom humor.

The Time has Come...

2009-06-02T19:25:00.005-05:00

I have been counting down the years, months, weeks and days for four years. Four years until I would go bonkers on the train to Crazy Town.

We got the oldest commissioned on a Friday and graduated from college on a Saturday. He is now a second lieutenant in the U.S. Army, Artillery division.

I was on the verge of tears the entire week of the event. Anything would cause them to start pouring. I don't even watch TLC's Jon and Kate plus 8 but I cried for them. I made the mistake of seeing the movie "Earth" that week. The daddy polar bear scene had me boo-hooing into my popcorn.

We all loaded into the car that day, preparing to make the hour long drive to the college campus. As the hubby drove, I thought of my eldest child and all the different people he had been as he grew and changed.

You see, when I think of Chris, I think of the different personalities he was at different ages. He was my always happy baby, despite chronic ear infections. I would take him in for a "well baby" check up, only to learn he had a horrific ear infection.

I remember the giggly two year old watching t.v. with me one night. Coors beer had a song and slogan that went "its the right beer now". Something about that made Chris giggle and he started singing, "Its the wight beer now!!" over and over, making he and I both hysterical with laughter.

I remember the little boy who dressed up as a Ninja Turtle almost daily so he could battle the evil Shredder.

I remember the elementary student who read more than 300 books to make the "Diamond Reading Club." He wanted to read the most but some girl (who obviously had no life) read over a thousand.

I remember the 16 year old, frustrated and on the verge of tears, as he tried to drive a stick shift for the first time. I made him take his shoes off so he could feel the clutch better (and it worked!) and we drove back and forth at the empty high school parking lot until he got it.

I have had him home now for one week. He is a man now and preparing to head off into a very bright future. Although I wish I could still have all my chicks under one roof, we will always have moments. Like yesterday, we all four (hubby was out of town on business) went to pick up my car at the dealership and then planned to go to dinner. We parked the "loaner" car and all traipsed into the showroom. I turned around and there they were, all three in line, from littlest to biggest, like a line of ducklings, following their momma. Me.

2009-05-08T12:52:00.002-05:00

I went on a field trip with the 5th grade the other day. We toured the Museum of Fine Arts. While a dozen boys were using the men's room, I waited and read some upcoming events. They show art house type films and one is called "Who Does She Think She Is?" the premise was listed as

"A woman still has to choose between what she loves and who she loves. What if she didn't?"

My son's teacher walked up behind me. We are pretty good friends and joke around a lot. I told her to read that and give me the answer to the question. She read it then looked at me with her brow furrowed, puzzled.

"She'd be a MAN." I answered, to which she burst out laughing and agreed.

I had my first child at age 22 and he is 22 now. I have been making the choice about who I love and what I love for a very long time. I couldn't take a demanding career. I already had one raising 3 boys. I couldn't take the job that involved travel. I was forced to travel to the pediatrician, the dentist and the grocery store.

My husband? When his job requires a trip to Singapore or London or wherever, there is no question about who will take care of the kids and the house. He just packs a bag and goes.

I have always envied his freedom. Though consciously, I knew I didn't really want it. I never wanted a nanny raising my kids. My husband has to ask me questions occasionally, like, "Does D like cheese on his burger?" I am proud that I know the answer. I also know that he wants the ketchup and mustard under the patty and the lettuce on top. And, yes, he likes cheese. Its a small thing and there is a lot more that goes into being a good mom, but it makes me realize I am really good at my job.

Happy Mother's Day to all this weekend.

To Live Long & Prosper

2009-05-04T09:06:00.005-05:00

No, I am not here to toot the horn of the new Star Trek movie (although I will be one of the first in line to see it - a young Spock!!)

There is an island off the coast of Greece where people routinely live into their 90's.

Icaria

is a beautiful, isolated place. A place where high powered business meetings don't exist. The term "hurry up!" probably isn't used much. There isn't a McDonald's.

The people live on the hillsides and don't even eat a lot of fish, due to pirates (damn pirates are every where these days!). They garden and walk every where. When they go to church, they walk. Visit a friend? Walk to their house. Another curious fact, the people drink herbal tea morning, noon and night. They have lower than usual rates of cancer and heart problems. Dementia doesn't even exist.

Is it one thing that makes the difference? The fresh fruits and vegetables? The air? The tea? I don't think so. I thinks it their whole way of life. Can we achieve that in our American society of hustle and bustle, work, work, work constantly, want more?

Interesting to also point out that we spent the weekend with friends at the lake. The husband is from England. He was talking about when he arrived in America that he was amazed at how competitive we are here in the U.S.

My comment was one of surprise but upon reflection it wasn't really surprising. I find myself always striving for more in everything. More money, more stuff, more health, more time...how does one achieve satisfaction with the status quo? I suppose this could be my new goal but I am afraid it will turn into another competitive thing for me. I dont' want it to be that but I would like to crank down the "volume" of my life a bit. I think I will have a cup of herbal tea now.

A DumbAss Deed I will own up to...

2009-03-02T10:14:00.003-06:00

Have you ever done something really stupid and afterwards wondered if everyone else in the world knows NOT to do "blank" and why didn't you? If you answer no, then I must have been given your share of "Dumbass Deeds." Go ahead, say thank you. You probably have no idea how much grief I have saved you.

Let me peel through the annals of my personal "Dumbass Deeds." Ah Ha! Here's a good one:

We were transferred to Louisiana when my youngest was about 3 and the older one was 8. The youngest wasn't even a glimmer in his daddy's eye yet.

We bought a house and it had wood floors. I had never had wood floors before. They were shiny and pretty. One day in a fit of cleaning (which only occur during a lunar eclipse) I decided that sweeping my wonderful wood floors would not be enough! I wanted to really clean them.

Hmmmm, think, think, think....I use furniture polish on my wood furniture and it gleams so it should make my wood floors look spectacular! I sprayed and polished and sprayed and polished all through the kitchen and living room. And, yes! My wood floors sparkled and shined. Just as I reached around to pat myself on the back, the 3 year old comes walking into the room in his stockinged feet. The second he hit the wood floors both feet went flying out from under him! OMG!! I scooped him up to check for lumps on his head. There was a hang time of about 5 seconds before he could gasp a breath and then howl. I comforted him and in walked in my husband (also only wearing socks) to see what all the fuss was about - WHAM! THUD! - He goes down, narrowly missing smacking his head on a corner cabinet.

Holy Shit! What did I do? I created the FLOORS OF DEATH! Of course, when I tell my husband what I think MIGHT be the problem with the floor, he looks at me like I am an idiot (really couldn't blame him at this point).

The real fun started as we tried to figure out how to De-death-a-size our floors...let's just say we wore hiking boots with ice climbing clamps in our house for quite a while after that.

Just Saying No

2009-02-22T17:41:00.002-06:00

I refuse to watch awards shows. Tonight is the Nirvana/Valhalla/MackDaddy of awards shows. The Oscars. I will not be watching. I didn't watch the Grammies or the Sags or the CMA's. None of them. Nada.

I hate these shows. These shows are not put on for you. They are not put on for me. Its so the glitterati of cinema/music/entertainment can preen over themselves and each other and have another excuse to have their pictures taken. Another reason to wear borrowed jewelry and have their lips plumped, tummies sucked, implants implanted.

My life has more meaning than worrying about what Brangelina are (is?) wearing to the red carpet event.

Hugh Jackson is the only thing worth watching tonight but that is merely because he is a yummy boy toy.

I think there are more important things in the world than watching people who make too much money stand around and give each other awards for making even more money. Go ahead, call me crazy.

2009-02-16T07:19:00.002-06:00

Last week I lost someone who touched my life deeply. The death was sudden - the doctors are thinking some type of wicked staph infection. I booked a flight and attended the funeral. This is how much this person meant to me.

When I was in ninth grade Mrs. J began teaching at my high school. She taught speech & drama, English and Creative Writing, so I had her every year. She was a flamboyant dresser and kept herself impeccably made up and coiffed. She looked just like Linda Evans on Dallas. Same platinum hair, lots of make up and a penchant for gold lame'.

I remember her first day of school when I thought, "this woman cannot be for real. She is too nice and how do you take someone seriously who wears a 5" wide belt and enough jewelry to outfit a store?" Then she gave out her HOME PHONE NUMBER so if we needed her help we could reach her any time. I shook my head thinking she was going to be prank-called viciously.

It didn't take long to realize that Mrs. J really was that nice. And her style was just that - not a joke but her style and she wore it well. She was a teacher who truly cared about what we thought and our futures. She included everyone in her productions, even those who SWORE they could NOT get up and speak in front of people (me!!).

She talked, cajoled, begged me to be in our production of "You Can't Take It With You" and I finally caved. I played the small part of Reba the maid. I ended up enjoying the surge of adrenalin and the applause.

"Debbie, you need to enter the speech tournament," Was her next BIG idea. I immediately balked, whined, pleaded to no avail. Mrs. J insisted that I would do great and she had the perfect piece for me. It was called a dramatic interpretation, 10 minutes long, completely memorized. I played two different people and could only move from the waist up. I had my doubts the entire time we were "supposed" to be rehearsing. I say "supposed" because my girlfriend and I would pair up and then we would each do our pieces in funny accents. This consistently caused us to dissolve into panty wetting, fits of laughter. I never once did the piece in front of anyone seriously. I did practice at home in front of the mirror. The idea of performing this piece in front of people I did not know, especially ones with the title Judge in front of them, made me bust out in a sweat.

The dreaded day came, as most do. We traveled to the large university on a big yellow school bus. We all dressed in our Sunday best. This was serious stuff. Luckily, only the judges and the other contestants of that category were allowed in to watch. I saw the others go and realized I was in WAY over my head. I got up and performed mine. It felt like I mumbled but I was relieved that I didn't forget any of it, so no gaffes like that. They posted the first cut after an hour or so and I made it to the next round. Obviously, some type of clerical error but I had to perform again.

My competition was really good. It was obvious they had practiced in a normal American accent and hadn't goofed off with their friends. I was sure I knew who got 1st and 2nd when it was time to go into the large auditorium for the awards presentation. When they got to my category, my stomach clenched. Mrs. J looked over at me with her big smile. I shook my head to convey to her to not get her hopes up. There was NO WAY I won anything. They called out 3rd place. Then 2nd place. It was a girl that I knew for sure had won. She was amazing and her performance had been excellent! I frowned and whispered this to my classmate next to me, and that's when I heard my name announced.

Yes, I got the first place trophy. I still have it to this day. It is displayed in my closet but I see it every day. I ended up getting a college degree in communications. I have given countless speeches and presentations professionally. There is no doubt that Mrs. J changed my life profoundly.

Mrs. J's funeral was like a reunion. I graduated with only 67 people so I even knew the people in classes on either side of mine. What occurred to me during the several presentations made by classmates was that I wasn't the only one who felt picked out and special by Mrs. J. She made everyone feel that way. The stories told were touching and funny. It was a wonderful tribute to an incredible lady.

I always thought I would be an English teacher. The only reason I changed majors was due to the pitiful amount they pay teachers. I am rethinking that now. I would like to know that I helped people and touched people's lives. Not sure what avenue I will take or when.

This poem by Robert Frost was in the funeral pamphlet:

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
so dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

Someday at my funeral service, I hope people remember me as someone who at least attempted to live her life achieving gold status.

The Meaning of Patriotism

2009-02-06T14:49:00.006-06:00

I try to stay away from inflammatory posts. I prefer pictures of puppies and kitties and if I could, I would dot my i's with little hearts. (there is probably a font out there....)

But sometimes I must speak up. This week I had enough.

Let's start with that windbag on the radio. Just so I don't get any crazies who google his name constantly, because they don't know what to do or think unless he tells them, I will give him a nickname. Crush Limback. Crush stated that he hoped our new President would fail. So everyone will vote him out in 4 years. I find this disrespectful and dishonorable. I implore the Republican community to turn away from this horrible person. If you want to grow and make your party stronger, it will not be by following this type of rhetoric.

I would hope they understand that Crush Limback is only interested in feathering Crush's own pockets. He says things like this to MAKE MONEY. That's his job - to make people listen. Of course, he is the radio version of a train wreck and people can't help but rubberneck because he is so incredibly obnoxious.

The next thing that happened was during my work day. I was meeting with a client and we were waiting for a co-worker to join us. This old man (he is in his mid-70's) turns to me and states, "so what do you think of our new President?"

I responded, (knowing where he was going because of his snarky tone) "we probably should not have this conversation."

He then says, "I don't care that he's black, I just don't like him being a Muslim."

I bit my tongue. This is my client. I should just shrug or nod and let it go. I bit down again, but to no avail, and I heard myself saying, "You know that's not true."

"Oh yes, it is. He has stated that if he has to choose, he will side with the Muslims!"

Now, I should have walked away. You should not go head to head with crazy people but I tried to explain where that rumor came from and that I did not believe that Pres. Obama had ever said anything to that effect.

Thankfully, we were interrupted. But, once again, I was faced with what I thought was a blatant disrespect and disregard for the office of President of the United States.

These type of people are the first ones to cry from the tallest mountain that they are patriots. Patriotism is devotion and loyalty to one's country. It also means supporting and defending one's country, not spreading rumors and lies about the leader of it.

Now I also believe in freedom of speech. If you don't agree with a person's actions or decisions then argue your point based on fact. I have been amazed in the last few months how "the other side" gets downright hostile if you disagree with them. I do not ask someone to defend their decision to vote for McCain/Palin. I may have asked "what do you like" because I was interested to hear their views. I didn't take it personally that they didn't see eye to eye with me.

What I find is that most of the nastiness aimed at Obama is not based in fact. It's racist, small-mindedness and sour grapes. I know that where I live is not the rest of the world. Believe me, if Texas was the rest of the world, Pres. Obama would have never even gotten close to the office he holds now.

Personally, I am pleased with what Pres. Obama is trying to do. He is inclusive and thoughtful. He is a devoted family man and honestly, just seems like a nice guy who does his homework and hangs around people who elevate him instead of dragging him down. But, what do I really like? He makes decisions based on what is best for the country, NOT based on his own ego. Has he promised us an easy ride? No. Has he promised free $$? No. In fact, he has admonished us to prepare to accept responsibility and to buckle down for a bumpy ride.

Talk about bumpy ride. The oldest has learned where he will be stationed upon graduation from college in May. He will do about 6 months of training in Oklahoma and then he will be in Germany for about 6 months. Then Afghanistan. Imagine the feeling of your stomach dropping out (much like a roller coaster) of your body. Yeah - that's pretty much what happens to me everytime I think about it. He's excited and I put on a good face in front of him. The clock is ticking. I am summoning up every bit of patriotism that I can muster.

A Boy & His Dogs

2009-01-28T17:25:00.005-06:00

The last two weeks have been spent dashing around to doctor appts, labs and medical centers. Boy #3 has had chronic congestion for the last couple of years (gets better in the summer) which leads to a nasty sinus infection here and there. The pediatrician labels it "allergies" and throws some antibiotics at the sinus problem. But no definitive diagnosis.

I finally decided to get tough on it and made an appt. with an allergist. #3 let it be known that every now and then his chest hurt when he ran around in cold air. The nurse made him run the hallway for 12 minutes (to the amazement of his older brother who has never seen younger one do so much exercise). Diagnosis? Asthma.

I was sent out for neck x-rays, blood work and a visit to pediatrician for immunizations. Then we went back for skin testing (faint scratches with a plastic doo-hickey). Yesterday it was allergy testing which involved sticking a needle under the skin (17 times!).

Diagnosis? Allergic to bermuda grass and dogs. Great. Basically, we would have to get rid of three members of the family AND not let #3 outside in our yard for the rest of his life.

#3 put on his best "Call of Duty 5" face and told the doctor, "Its just a snotty nose. I'm not getting rid of our dogs." He will soon be going weekly for allergy shots and downing a host of meds.

Could you get rid of this?

or this????

In Comes 2009

2009-01-11T18:45:00.003-06:00

Where did December and already half of January go?? I haven't even had time to make my usual list of ~~lies~~, resolutions. But, here goes....

1. I will try and be less critical/cynical of myself and others (yeah, like that's gonna happen).

2. I will try and not have Monday Morning Meltdowns (instead Friday Freakouts? Tuesday Tantrums?).

3. I will try and not be so good at arguing. Certain people take issue with that fact that I can think and talk faster than they can (which is MY fault??) so I will pretend to be slower witted.

4. I resolve to not get irritated in the check out line at the grocery store despite the checker having a crippling disease and glasses that refuse to sit on his nose, despite one sacker being all of 85 and possibly taxidermied, despite the other sacker having Down's Syndrome and despite the senior citizen customer in front of me only checking her coupons AFTER total has been hit, then getting out her own pen out of her purse (obviously made by Samsonite), then getting out her old fashioned checkbook and no shitting you, looking at the total at least three times before writing. I took so many deep breaths I almost passed out.

Just to start the new year off right, here's a little extra cheese. I captured this on Christmas morning of two of my dogs. They were pretending there was mistletoe above their heads.

The Christmas Parties

2008-12-08T18:22:00.006-06:00

Party, party, party. This time of year, I meet myself coming and going to Christmas parties. I don't even try to buy an outfit for each one. How many this year? Let's add them up:

1. Companies I work for = 2

2. Hubs company party = 1

3. Dinner Club party = 1

4. Neighborhood parties = 2

5. Husband's boss's party = 1

6. work associates parties = 2

I'm coming up with 9. I am only counting the ones I am actually going to, just in case you were wondering.

This Saturday night was the hubbies work party. It was held at a large hotel in downtown Houston. Its a large company. So large, there were 3 huge buffets, a casino, comedy clubs, acrobats, gospel singers and HUEY LEWIS AND THE NEWS!!

I hate taking pics with my phone but its all I had. Huey ended up walking over to my side of the stage, and he looked at me and smiled. HE LOOKED AT ME AND SMILED! Even the lady in front of me turned around and said, "He looked right at you!!"

That's because my hair looked like this:

How could Huey NOT have picked me out of the crowd with my ethereal crown of gossamer strands??? Besides, the man has YEARS on me people!! I am YOUNG in his eyes. I believe he is 58 years old.

He cannot carry a tune in a bucket but the man is a great entertainer. He was funny and involved the audience. He really seemed to be having a good time. We were all singing along to every tune. He was a hit machine in his time, and I knew them all.

This picture is from the bar as I went back for my 2nd (or was it 3rd??) cosmo. Must have been third cuz Huey only got better and better as the evening went on....And, I didn't even notice my stiletto heels mutilating my toes anymore! Vodka is a wonderful thing.

Ain't A Holiday Without A Brawl

2008-11-29T17:21:00.002-06:00

Thanksgiving was spent with my family in Oklahoma. My family is great but they can wear you out. The time is never spent just sitting.

We usually participate or organize our own Turkey Trot run, go to movies, go shopping, cook, and play endless games of Mexican Train (dominoes) and card game 31. Then there is the Annual Turkey Bowl football game. The game sometimes includes us girls but usually we poop out early and its just the boys. Big boys and little, old and young.

It was a sunny day with temps about 55. Cool but nice. My sil and I had already walked once around the block and would then stop to watch the game. This time the guys had split Dads aka "The Trashtalkers" against the boys. Everything seemed to be going smoothly until I hear yelling and the word"Fight!"

Much to my dismay, it is my own two boys who are going at it. The 16 year old was bleeding copiously from the nose and the 21 year old has got a strangle hold on him. The hubs is telling the older one to get off and the 16 year old is squealing. I begin yelling at the older one to stop. Okay, I am frantically yelling for him to "STOP! GET OFF OF HIM!!"

They separate. The younger one marches passed me pinching his nose, blood streaming down his arms. I yelled something at the older one about reigning in his testosterone. Then I followed the younger one to help stem the flow of blood. If there was an Olympic competition in nosebleeds this child would have already won a gold. When his nose bleeds, it gushes, pumps and pours.

Running into the kitchen, I grabbed paper towels and went back out. He was very upset and I asked what happened. I was told that Child #1 was a jerk. Yes, he can be and he outweighs this one by about 60 lbs. Then I was told that the older one was talkin' smack and blaming missed tackles on this one and he'd had enough.

About this time, the older one comes up and he is quite upset. He takes me off to tell me that he was just holding his brother because he didn't want to get punched. That's when I realized that the younger one had gone off on the older and I had yelled at the wrong kid. I apologized and explained that I didn't realize what had happened and simply reacted to a bigger kid hurting my other smaller, younger one.

You would think that with three boys we would have this happen all the time. But we don't. My boys are pretty far apart in age which has kept most physical fighting to a minimum. But, this middle child of mine has lost his temper before and we have had to literally pull him off of his brothers. Its happened all of twice in his lifetime. He has a slow fuse but once you get him there, then look out.

They both apologized to each other - I was hugged by each and the day went on. The brawl went unmentioned for the rest of the weekend although I did notice that the middle child gained a bit of street cred with his cousins. I believe the younger ones must have been forbidden to speak of the "incident."

Like I said, it ain't a holiday unless there's a good family fight.

Off the Top of My Head

2008-11-10T17:22:00.002-06:00

I am so behind on posting so will have to combine many thoughts/topics into one post. Hang on!

1. Congratulations to President-Elect Barack Obama!! What an exciting night Nov. 4th was! Someone (who happens to be a snarky Republican - not all are but this one sends out mass emails that are insulting to the black side of Obama) asked me if I celebrated. Well, as a matter of fact, a friend and I toasted his win with champagne.

2. Fav recent quote: "Her house was a moratorium to her daughter" (the word I think the woman meant to use was museum.)

3. Recently, during a pedicure, the woman next to me had such thick, scaly foot skin, they broke out what I swear was an industrial sized cheese grater and started shaving her feet. It was nasty. It was all I could do to keep my eyes glued onto my People mag!

4. If I had a daughter, I would never allow her to wear pants/shorts with the word "JUICY" on the rear. Parents! Step up and be in charge! Yes, that is a brand but have you ever heard of a double entendre? Look it up.

5. What drives me crazy? People who don't give good voicemail. Instead of a bit of detail such as the purpose of the call all they say is, "Hi its "blank", call me back." Or even better, the ones who call and don't leave a voicemail at all. It will show as a missed call on my cell but I usually don't return those calls figuring, it musn't have been that important, right? I have had people say, "I called you. How come you haven't returned my call?" Whatever.

6. Walking into the wrong bathroom. This seems to be a theme in my life right now. No, I have not walked into a men's room, but I did have a man come in while I was in a stall and he used the one next to me. How did I know? Well, the distance the "water" traveled was my first clue....oh, and he didn't shut the stall door. I have a friend who used the ladies room one time, not realizing it until he came out to wash his hands. Then another who did the same thing. Its an epidemic.

Man Law

2008-10-23T13:46:00.005-05:00

Lately, I have run into this term: Man Law. I believe it is a relatively new term in our society. My college son uses it. Guy friends I have use it. There is even a beer commercial that is utilizing this term.

Here are a few Man Laws that I have learned:

1. A guy can't date his friend's old girlfriend.
2. A guy doesn't hug with two arms. Instead use a more one armed side hug thing. This is to make everyone aware that you are full of heterosexual manliness.
3. If your buddy cheats on his wife, Man Law dictates that you deny knowing, ever knowing or even thinking you ever knew.
4. If a woman comments that guy #2 is handsome, Man Law says that guy #1 must act like he couldn't even pick the dude out in a line-up, let alone make the observation that guy #2 is nice looking.
5. Lemons, limes or fruit of any kind is ever allowed in a Man's beer.
6. When watching sports, a Man must always root for a team. He cannot be undecided.
7. A man cannot wash his hair in the sink. Seriously, have you EVER seen a man wash his hair in the sink?
8. (thank my son for this one) If a man farts and doesn't admit it, he might as well be a housewife.

In the interest of equal time, I tried to come up with Woman Laws. Here we go: (please feel free to add to my list)

1. A woman never reveals how many pairs of shoes she actually owns.
2. A woman never reveals to a man how much she actually paid for any of those shoes.
3. A woman never reveals how much she actually weighs. If someone has the gall to ask, then all rules are off and it is perfectly acceptable to shave off 5 - 10 lbs.
4. A woman may play the menstrual cycle/period/cramps card anytime she wants to avoid something like; cooking, cleaning, work, driving, showering or sex.
5. Woman law states that the answer "I don't remember" is perfectly acceptable to most questions asked by her family such as "Have you seen my shoes? hammer? glasses? keys? phone? books? etc. etc. even if you know the answer.

Gads, there must be more Woman Laws.....

What's In Your Wallet?

2008-10-16T18:14:00.002-05:00

This whole recession/depression thing has me a bit nervous. The words "frightened" and "scared" may not be too strong.

I refuse to look at our long term savings (401K etc.). I'm afraid I would throw myself out a window.

I have had two customers tell me projects are being put on hold until their investors see what's going to happen. The idea of losing my job is scary. For the usual reasons but this year is to be the most expensive for us EVER.

1. Two boys on our car insurance

2. Two boys with cell phones

3. The purchase of another vehicle

4. One more year of private school for youngest

All of this adds up to OUCH. My job certainly takes the sting out of it.

So, sometimes I let my imagination run away.....I envision lines for loaves of bread (I am pretty good at cutting in line), beans for dinner every night (fiber & protein - we will be healthier and lose weight!), panhandling (I have 3 dogs so plan to take them with me for the sympathy factor), and wearing a hat.

A hat? Well, when I think of the Great Depression I think of hats. People wore hats back then. When you see black and white photos during that period they all have hats, the men, the women, even the kids. Will hats make a comeback?

A for Average

2008-10-06T09:49:00.004-05:00

Have you ever noticed that the people who receive recognition in our society are A. those who totally mess up and then turn themselves around or B. those who are ranked in the top 1% of whatever it is they excel.

I would like to say (for the record) that our society needs to start recognizing the Average Joe's and Jane's.

Let me give you a scenario. The names have been changed. Jack and Jill are brother and sister. Jack makes good grades, stays away from drugs, pays his own way through college and lives his life according to society's rules.

Jill drops out of high school, gets pregnant, gets involved with drugs, decides to be a lesbian for a while, gives up the rights to her two children, then finally pulls herself together.

The mother of these two would go on and on about how hard Jill had worked. She'd had a tough life and now had pulled it together. Jack is just expected to do the right thing without any recognition. Because he always has.

I see this a lot in schools too. Attention is showered upon the Gifted and Talented. Prizes are given out for perfect report cards. Awards are bestowed upon the best in Science or Math. Even the slackers or the kids with real learning disabilities have special classes to in order to make sure they keep up and graduate. In one of our schools if these kids raised their grade one level they received a prize.

But, what about the Average Student? The one who studies and works hard to get A's and B's? The kid who never raises his grade a level because he never lets it fall in the first place. The kids who don't demand lots of attention but come to class and behave themselves? Why don't schools make a little more effort to recognize the bulk of their student body?

Well, here's to you, Average American, Joe Sixpack (Winking!! Gads, that was irritating just typing it!!) I raise my average coffee/beer to you (think store brand, Miller Lite) and I salute you. Keep doing the right thing. Our society couldn't function without you.

Hurricanes and What Not

2008-09-29T17:46:00.003-05:00

The past two weeks have been crazy. I discovered that I am much better on the preparing end of a hurricane then the aftermath. No power or water for 12 days makes this girl very cranky. You might be able to live without power but you can't without water (we are on our own well, elec powers the pump). I left for Big D (Dallas) up north of me two days after the storm hit. I have family there. I had somewhere to go to find electricity, food and shelter. I had options. Many in Houston and the surrounding areas did not.

Who knew that ice would become so valuable? Gasoline impossible to find? Grocery store shelves empty?

We were pretty lucky in my neighborhood - compared to Galveston. We lost about 12 - 14 trees just in my yard. None hit the house. The next day after the torrential rain finally stopped, the kids and I drove around. It was shocking. Huge, 80 ft. pines ripped out by the roots and laying on houses. Power lines yanked to the ground by aged oak trees. Cars crushed in driveways by fallen trees. We realized how lucky we were. Here's a pic of the hubs and the middle son using the chain saw (men and chainsaws - don't get me started!) That's my driveway and the street in front. A huge tree from across the road was actually blocking the road. It almost crushed my mailbox. Here's the thing to think about: I live 80 miles inland from Galveston. This was a cat 2 storm. I can promise you , I will never stay through anything any stronger.

We got the winds about 2:00am Saturday morning, the 13th, and lost power around 4:00am. There were gusts where I just squinched my eyes shut and waited for something to hit my house or the sound of breaking glass. Again, we were very lucky. My next door neighbor lost the tops of his chimneys. Bricks crashed through his roof. Water ruined his wood floors.

We threw out everything in our refrigerator and freezer. I hated throwing away perfectly good food but it would be ruined in days.

My son's teacher had a tree crash through her bedroom. Her house is unliveable at this point. Everyone around here has an "Ike" story. He will be remembered for many years.

Just this weekend the sound of generators stopped permeating the night. We don't own a generator but I have already written to Santa and requested one.

You ARE What You Eat

2008-09-10T06:46:00.004-05:00

I have created a diet that works. I know, I know. I should write a book and make millions of dollars but being the philanthropist that I am, I am giving away this information right here, right now.

The hubs has been under a tad bit of work stress for the last 8 months. He is a comfort eater. A stress eater. King of the Oreo.

He eats out a lot and his routine is to order either A. cheeseburger and fries or B. steak. My hubby is nothing if not a creature of habit.

Eight weeks ago he reached critical mass and asked for my help.

Super Diet Debbie came to the rescue. You know how much I love the BBC show "You Are What You Eat" so I applied many of Gillian's principles.

Here is what I asked him to do. For 8 weeks give up:

1. Red Meat

2. Yellow cheese (and most cheese but a sprinkle of lowfat mozzarella would be okay here and there)

3. No Fried Foods

4. No processed foods (nothing out of a box)

Add to his diet fish, chicken, fresh fruits and vegetables, seeds and beans.

He has always worked out, so yes, exercise is a part of the equation too. I have followed the same diet for the last 8 weeks too. I have never followed a diet for more than 2 days and yet, I managed to stay on this one the entire time.

We introduced ourselves to the fishy side of the menu. Snacked on trail mixes of pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds and yogurt for probiotics. The hubs felt a difference in two days and has steadily felt better, sleeps better and DRUMROLL PLEASE.......

as of this morning has lost 17.5 lbs in almost 8 weeks!!!

I have lost 4 myself and I am thrilled. I honestly believe this is a diet that we will maintain as a lifestyle. We plan to add back in lean cuts of beef but only a couple times per week.

And, if you are curious did I give up alcohol? Hell no. That's crazy talk.

Pet Peeves #643 - #647

2008-09-05T06:03:00.003-05:00

Gosh, its been a long time since I listed pet peeves. It isn't like things stopped bugging the crap out of me. We can call this one "The Political Edition."

#643 - The McCain/Palin ticket is now all about throwing the word change around. When Obama does it, its a bad word but all of sudden, its their buzz word. And, the word maverick. Last night I actually talked back to McCain on the t.v. and informed him that he is not Top Gun.

#644 - The right-wingers had a (as we say downsouth) "Hay Day" when Jamie Lynn Spears was discovered pregnant at 17. They blasted not only her mother but her whole family (yes, including Britney!) Now, that their offering up for V.P. has a preggers daughters - its suddenly the cool thing to do. McCain called her a "great mother" last night. How would he know? He just met her two days ago.

#645 - That this same woman would accept this position at this time. I am not saying she should be a stay at home mom (but she does have FIVE children, folks, she obviously HAS chosen motherhood as a vocation) but she accepted this position with a child who is pregnant, and an INFANT with Down's Syndrome. She accepted this position knowing full well how the media is and that her family's privacy would become nonexistant. She accepted this position knowing full well that it would take her completely away from her family at a time when they need her most. I do not approve of her choice. Don't even get me started on the political party she has been hanging out with for the last few years and tell me, was she wearing a freakin' flag pin?? Let's question HER patriotism.

#646 - People who smoke in their cars but keep their smokes out the window. I guess its so the smell of smoke doesn't get in the car?? or on them?? It looks stupid. I have seen these people with the window open two inches and them with their arm up keeping the cig out the crack. Oh, and these same people throw the butts out. Like there is a Butt Fairy who comes along and cleans up after them.

#647 - People who say they can't vote for Obama because he is Muslim. We all know that this is not true but what I have learned is that this is code for "I can't vote for him because he is black."

You Gotta Have Friends

2008-08-26T21:16:00.006-05:00

Do you believe that friendships are forever or that people come into our lives for a reason, a season or just to drive us crazy?

I'm in a transitional point in my life. Things are changing. I can't say that I like it. Not sure that I can do anything about it though.

Let me explain:

I view most friendships as reciprocal in some fashion. I give, you take (come on, you know I'm a giver!), then I take and you give. If you think about it, all friendships are based on this. It can be as simple as "that person makes me laugh" or "that person carpools with me to get the kids to school" or "I work with that person and enjoy them while I am there."

You notice I am purposefully leaving out family relationships. We don't get a choice in those. You are simply stuck with all that dysfunction. But, when the person is not related to you by blood or marriage, its a choice.

I meet so many people everyday that I really like. The problem is I can't be super great friends with all of them. Some of them live too far away so socializing would be tough (and nowadays, you have to rate friendships on how much gas $$ would that cost me?? The married people's version of "sponge-worthy")

What I hate is when you have been really close to someone and circumstances cause the friendship to drift. Maybe your kids aren't as good of friends as they used to be, or maybe one of you changes jobs so you no longer see this coworker/friend like you once did. Maybe they get divorced. You would think that a divorce wouldn't affect your one on one relationship BUT IT DOES.

When I look back, I had some great friendships that have drifted away now. High school, college, then the neighborhood playgroup. We worried about feeding our kids right, changing diapers, keeping our houses in some semblance of order, and not losing our sanity at this point in our lives. Then I went through the "sales" period, I like to call it. You know, when everyone began selling something from home - candles, jewelry, cooking paraphanelia - we all got together just to see each other and connect again.

Happily, I haven't drifted away from all my best buddies. There are certain ones who are my shelter in any storm - be it a raging hurricane, or just a blustery day. There are certain friends who are worth the effort. The friendship is no longer based on kids, work or anything else. Just a mutual liking and understanding. You know that they would BE THERE. No matter what. And, they love you even at your most unloveable. These are the types of friendships that make life rich and wonderful.

If I was a tree, my immediate family would be my roots. But, my friends? They are all those glorious, glossy, green leaves.

The Olympics

2008-08-19T05:58:00.003-05:00

In case you haven't noticed, the Olympics are going on in China. I admit, I am not a huge fan. I think its great and all that but honestly, I enjoyed watching American Gladiators far more than the Olympics.

Here are a few of my impressions.

1. Bob Costas: Dude, your hair looks like it only has visitation with your head. Is it too dark, is it sitting funny on his ears?? I can't figure it out but somethin' ain't right.

2. All Gymnasts earn a Gold for the "fake" hug. They finish a routine and then proceed to fake hug everyone on their way back to their chair.

3. Michael Phelps: He's a freak of nature. And, I say that with all the respect a non-swimmer can give.

4. Bela Karolyi. I can't understand a word this guy says as a commentator. We need an English intervention.

5. Dana Torres: You ROCK! She is making the 40's seem cool.

Another Hot & Sweaty Concert

2008-08-04T05:55:00.008-05:00

John Mayer Concert - 2008

How much did I the Mayer when I arrived (1 - 10) - 3.5

Number of beers drank - 5

Buckets of sweat issued by me: 4

Buckets of sweat issued by the Mayer - 54

Sleeve tattooes worn by the Mayer - 1

Shirts worn by the Mayer - 0

Underwear worn by the Mayer - 0

Hotness level of the Mayer (1-10) - 12

Number of times he made a really ugly face while singing - 20

Jennifer Aniston sightings - 0

How much do I like the Mayer now? - 9!

bonus trivia: my new ringtone is "Say (What You Need to Say)"

Gratitude Moments

2008-07-17T06:41:00.004-05:00

You know I am a lover of parties. Birthday parties, dinner parties, New Years Eve, even the occasional pity party.

I've been a little down lately so this morning while I was out for my morning run I thought about something a friend of mine recently talked about. She spoke of being grateful and giving thanks for every moment of everyday and finding the gratitude in EVERYTHING. Even not so great things. Especially the not so great things. Super hot day? Be grateful for the sunshine. Pouring rain? Be grateful for the plants.

I was about a 1/4 of the way into my run and noticed a blister on my heel was acting up - despite a band-aid, sock and different shoes. Darn! It stung with every step. How do I find a moment of gratitude in a painful blister?

Thoughts of my oldest son suddenly filled my mind. He is on a 10 day field training exercise while gone for a month (and I miss him terribly) at an ROTC Army Leadership course in Washington. He has been thru basic training and has done many a ruck hike (this means carrying your 50 lb ruck sack in full basic uniform and combat boots) that left his feet blistered, bleeding and sore. Once he had to do 12 miles in less than 3 hours. Suddenly, I was filled with gratitude for my teensy tiny blister. It made me realize a bit what he goes thru. And while I miss him so much, it made me feel a little closer to him even though he is 1500 miles away.

By the time I got home the blister had stopped hurting. I was grateful for that too.

The New Baby

2008-07-10T21:48:00.003-05:00

My firstborn brought me a dog. It was the dog that he went to the pound (against my wishes and advice "You are in college, you should not get a dog!") and picked out. He says he fell in love with her immediately. He named her Athena.

Being a good mom, I nagged, who will watch her when you go away for your ROTC training for a month this summer? What about when you move into the "No Dogs Allowed" apartment in August? I was told it was all taken care of. The girlfriend was "sharing" in the care and feeding of this youngster.

That's a great plan. Until you break up with the girlfriend. My parents were visiting and my mother being ever helpful (sarcasm inserted here) says "It could be worse, it could be a REAL baby." Thanks mom. My mother is the type that would say after your leg was cut off my a raging lawnmower, "Be thankful it wasn't BOTH legs."

Luckily, I love her (the dog - yes, my mother too!!). We call her Attie now and she is adorable. Here she is at her first dog party. What? Do you all not go to dog parties? Well, we do. Attie is the one on the right. Looking a wee bit shy about her party hat and wondering if it is going to cause her to have hat hair (no wait - that was me). My friend who is 10 was the hostess and there was a cake and even goodie bags for all the dogs.

What is Attie? Goodness knows. She is a mix of a mix of a mix but she is 100% sweet.

And God created the Weekend

2008-07-07T20:57:00.004-05:00

I am thankful that He did.

Its been a bitch of a week. Okay, not as bad as some but not as great as others. For one thing, I am in my summer doldrum period. Its freakishly hot and humid and just to top it off every afternoon a giant gusher of a thunderstorm dumps on us. Steam comes off the roads. Your sunglasses fog up when you go outside.

Its always this time of the summer that I wonder why I am not in the mountains somewhere or at least on a beach.

Back to my week and how I behaved like a total bee-otch (but I blame the humidity):

Monday I needed to go and have the gas guzzler's oil changed. I went to the Stealership, I mean, Dealership, since it is still under warranty. In fact, they sent me a lovely little coupon. One oil change and tire rotation for $39.95.

Little do they know they will lose money on me because I will raid their little snack bar blind. They have an awesome coffee machine that gives me endless cups of French Vanilla Lattes and frothy cappuccinos, donuts and even a soda machine to wash all that down with. I love to watch the morning news on the 50" big screen from my comfy leather chair in the lounge area, surrounded by Southern Living, Good Housekeeping and Real Simple magazines. I truly don't mind spending an hour in this place.

I happily trotted over to my special person/helper guy to let him write my ticket. I give him the coupon. He says, "you need the 30,000 mile check up blah, blah, blah, $399.95 and a free loaner car?" WTF???

"I wasn't planning on spending 10 times the amount of my coupon," my tone was edgy and dangerous. My children would have known immediately to get the hell out of my way. This naive man trudged on oblivous to the bitch he had disturbed.

After I handed him his head on a platter he finally got the message that I was spending $40 that day and not $400. It was his approach that hit me wrong. Instead of gently saying, "We recommend that you do blah, blah, blah," he just jumps in like "all the cool kids are spending $400 today so we know you want to." NO. I DON'T. Just move and give me my free frickin' coffee.

I went home and wondered when my appliance repair guy might show up. I won't name the national department store but it rhymes with Beers. I made an appointment on the internet on Sunday since my washer decided it liked filling but then didn't want to drain any water. And, this after one child has arrived home from lacrosse camp with a duffel bag full of sh...dirty, stinky, nasty clothes. These things are lethal weapons. In fact, instead of buying a gun, I may just hurl son's socks at bad guys.

I call the Beer's toll free line. To find out that no appointment was ever made. My internal bitch meter starts rising.

me:"So, I have wasted half a day for no appointment?"

customer service dude: "We can make an appointment right now. It will be $75 for a serviceman to come to your house, but you can purchase warranty insurance right now for $214.95!"

me: "You send him right along and if it looks like my bill is going to be over that amount then I will buy it."

C.S. dude: "no, ma'm, you have to buy it right now."

me: "so you are asking me to gamble? What if it doesn't cost that much?"

C.S. dude: "Ma'm, I don't make these decisions."

me: "Why don't you tell me right now how fast you can get someone out here and then I will decide if I want your rip off insurance!"

He told me someone could be out there the next morning. By noon, I called to find out THERE WAS NO APPT LISTED. I was furious. I called back and the C.S. person I got was named Apple (yes, there are two - its not just Gwenyth who liked that name). She is apologetic but tells me it will be Friday afternoon. I told her she could shove her appt. and then I called a local place and they told me it would be Friday. Sigh.

The really fun part started. I toted my laundry around the neighborhood to friends houses. The plus side? I got some quality visiting done. My neighbor sews draperies so she was thrilled to have the company while she sewed. My other friend's dogs were excited to see me since I petted them and brought treats.

Tomorrow is Friday and I am ready to get my washer back. Otherwise I will get very agitated (get it? Washer humor is completely underrated).

Not Sanctioned by Miss Post

2008-06-28T16:36:00.003-05:00

I haven't actually reached an age where I can truly say, "I think I've seen everything" but something happened this week that makes me want to spew that cliche.

My 15 year old son received an invitation in the mail. To A Baby Shower. FOR A GIRL IN HIS CLASS.

No - he doesn't know her that well (and certainly not THAT well, as in the biblical sense!) and he doesn't even consider her a friend.

I was simply stunned that anyone was celebrating this child being pregnant. I knew about the pregnancy months ago and was shocked like everyone else. She seems like a "good girl" and all that. Cute, outgoing, good family. This was an oops. A Juno moment.

I believe this type of situation should be handled delicately. We can all love that baby when it gets here and of course, it will be just as special and valued as any other child. But, whilst the daughter is preggers I don't think its appropriate for her to take the ultrasound shots to school. And, I don't think its appropriate to invite 9th grade boys (who think the whole thing is gross and disgusting - or at least the one who lives in my household does) to a baby shower.

In addition, much to Miss Emily Post's dismay, the shower is being hosted by THE MOTHER/SOON -TO- BE -GRANDMOTHER, which for those who are not up on all things etiquette is gauche. Please do not bombard me with comments about "how things are changing" because you see, I DON'T CARE. I don't care what anyone says about "men being in the delivery room blah, blah, blah." I think a baby shower for couples is great. Let's assume everyone is at least of voting age, if not drinking, shall we???? My son is not. Good grief! He can't even drive. He's not going to be thrilled to play shower games or ooh and aaah over burp rags and diaper genies.

I believe that our society has lost its sense of shame. And, I for one, find that a real shame.

Sweatin' to the Oldies

2008-06-23T06:11:00.004-05:00

We went to a concert last night. A "Classic Rock" concert a/k/a Older People Playing and Older People Listening to Old Music. This was an all afternoon music festival with 5 bands playing.

The bands were surprisingly good. By that, I mean, they still sounded recognizable. The surprise of the evening? Night Ranger. They did a great job. Styx brought the house out of their wheelchairs, I mean, to their feet and Boston was the kicker. The only reason I was there? To see Alan Parsons Project. They did not disappoint.

Here were a few of my observations:

1. A prevalence of earplugs. I was in a reserve box and didn't find the music THAT loud.

2. A prevalence of nerds....with $$$. I felt a bit of a statement was being made by some with their Rockport sandals and Tommy Bahama shirts - "I wasn't cool enough to go to a concert when I was in high school, but I can afford to buy cool now."

3. People bringing their kids. I did not begrudge the ones who brought 16-18 year olds but the ones who brought their 8 and 9 year olds? What the hell? Do you people not have any friends you could have invited along?

4. An astounding number of 50 year olds playing the air guitar. It was pretty funny but quite humiliating for the ones who brought their kids.

You can see by the picture that the dude in front of me was sporting the "do" of the day. Male Pattern Baldness.

A Hole You Pour $$ In

2008-06-18T09:21:00.002-05:00

We have become boat owners. We were novices and by some yardsticks, probably still are, but we tried to educate ourselves before purchasing.

Used? New? Size? Does it matter? (of course it does!)

Know-It-All types all had dire warnings such as the title of this post or, "The two best days in a boat owner's life is the day he buys and the day he sells!"

We were determined to NOT be those people. Because, of course, we were going to do it right. We were going to buy a GOOD boat. A dependable boat.

Last weekend we picked up the boat. We had two fabulous days on the lake. Tubing and wakeboarding. The boys loved it. We loved it. I love my boat. On the last day, the trouble started.

The engine would crank right over and start and it could idle out of the "no wake zone" area. The minute we would give it more gas the engine would start "dogging" out and there was no acceleration. We are taking the boat back to where we bought it and they are supposed to fix it. I am sure it isn't a big deal but big enough there was no tubing that day - Just several crushed hearts and sad faces.

Please tell me this isn't the way it is always going to be....

Faceless

2008-06-02T14:14:00.004-05:00

Well, I did it. I am now Faceless. I created a Facebook and now I have "deactivated" my Facebook. I know I will age myself by proclaiming that Facebook is drivel and boring. So, yes, now you know I am over the age of 24.

To be fair, of my grand total of 11 friends on Facebook more than half were older than 24 too. I am prepared for a backlash - a veritable shit storm of controversy. If Facebook is that important to you than I simply say, "I'm sorry." Sorry your life is not filled with uh, um....LIFE.

Seriously, though, why? Why Facebook? And, no, I don't have a MySpace, but thanks for asking.

What is the point of Facebook? No real communication goes on. Unless you count "Debbie just got poked by Carrie" as REAL communicating. The people who you end up "finding" and adding to your friends list? I wasn't looking for them in the first place.

I know the world is changing. Its summer and when I was growing up that meant I watched Mr. Rogers Neighborhood even when I was way too old because there was nothing else on! We actually would turn the t.v. off because there was NOTHING on for kids to watch.

Summer meant completing the chore list my mother would leave for us - clean horse stalls, water trees, mow yard, clean kitchen and my least favorite, weeding the vegetable garden. I cursed many a tomato under the hot, dry Oklahoma sun.

My kids move from t.v. to computer, to Xbox, to PSP. I leave a few chores like empty the dishwasher or bring your dirty clothes downstairs. Let's face it. We don't have the chores now like we used to. I don't have horses or a vegetable garden. I will accept a little blame as a minor control freak that I like things done a certain way, thus its easier to do it myself.

Facebook is a part of this generation. Now instead of riding your bike to your friends house and sneaking into the neighbors pool, kids just live from screen to screen. Friends are to be visited via Facebook or MySpace but not FACE-to-FACE.

I for one mourn the loss. Some of my greatest memories are of summers where my friends and I got sooooooo bored we made shit up. Like Boob Cream.

The boob cream got created because one of my girlfriends was still flat as a pancake while the rest of us were budding bumps proudly. We had this idea and told her that we used this special cream. Of course, the cream was just crap that we mixed together from the bathroom - lotion, soap, baby oil - but she believed it. Totally. I wish I only knew how long she faithfully rubbed the boob cream on.

Okay - I know its not the best use of a kids time but my point is - I rarely see my kids get THAT bored anymore. Some parents think that if their kid gets bored for one minute they will immediately take to using and dealing Crack but I think with that kind of boredom comes creativity.

Odds 'n' Ends

2008-05-25T13:48:00.004-05:00

Hope your holiday weekend is a good one.

I have learned a few things in the past couple of weeks that I thought were worth sharing.

1. When hosting a professional society luncheon, do not only offer fish. Some people don't like it. At all.

2. When speaking at a professional society luncheon learn how to handle a laser pointer. When you would like to emphasize a point along with your slide presentation do NOT jiggle and wave the laser pointer like a mad man. The audience must look away or risk the onset of a migraine. Or seizures.

3. Again, to food. When offering chicken as the professional society luncheon entree - it is unnecessary to cook the chicken for 6 hours or until it reaches the consistency of leather. I appreciate your need to irradicate the salmonella but there is a happy medium here. Find it.

4. When I am charged $35 for these professional society lunches it would be nice to have something edible. Consider Subway next time. It would be better then what I have eaten at the last three.

5. Someone at a large chain style bookstore, left her X-small black thong in the bathroom. Why? I could not peruse the books after that in quite the same way. I kept wondering what person around me was overtaken in the ladies room by the need to go commando. A thong novice? Did the feeling of a wedgie cause her to go over the edge?

7. Gas and food prices are making me seriously reconsider some of my driving and buying choices. I watched a guy at the store the other day buy $21 worth of bing cherries. I almost tapped him on the shoulder because I don't think he realized this. They were $9 a lb.! I love the cherries myself, but I will not pay that much. I bought 2 apples (instead of a usual 5 0r 6) just because I don't want them to go to waste. Have the higher prices made you make any changes yet?

Worth Clipping

2008-05-16T22:54:00.004-05:00

I have discovered something quite troubling. It has actually troubled me for a while. It was something best not spoken aloud or in public.

Collections. All people seem to have this trait in common. We all are collectors of something. Spoons, teacups, stamps, coins, guns....the list is limitless. My husband admitted to me while we were dating that he had a rare edition of Penthouse magazine. It was the first one to NOT have staples in the pin up poster. I'm quite sure my retirement $$ is sitting in my garage in his locker from college.

My children went through the Pokemon phenomenon. "Mom, this is a RARE card!" Again, the money spent on these cards could have easily paid for college. Where are they now? Chewed by the dog, sucked up by the vacuum and thrown in the bottom of the toybox. My children's sole definition of mint is what I give them during church to keep them awake.

I am sure there are more disturbing collections out there but there is one that has reared its ugly head several times in my life.

We have a group of friends who we have had dinner with every other month for over 8 years now. Many times we play games or have a theme. One night, years ago, the theme was a game. The game was to turn in ahead of time two things that no one would ever guess about you. There are 6 couples in this group. The time came to read aloud and try and guess who had submitted what and it was quite surprising.

I was the loudest gasp when this "truth" was read: "I used to have a collection of my own finger and toenails." OMG! Who would do that? Who would do that I am eating dinner with....or by???

A few more truths later and this was read: "I used to own a collection of my finger and toenails." WTF??? Two of my friends in this small group turned in the same answer!

I had never heard of this or EVER felt compelled to keep my clippings upon their removal. Since then, I have had this aberration occur at least 3 more times. Once was even by one of my own children! Upon clipping, he asked to keep them for "his collection."

No, no way, no how, was my firm response. I kept a lock of hair from each of my children from their first haircut. I do not care to scrapbook or memorialize toe jam. So, the big question - what is the weirdest thing you ever collected and/or did you have your own collection of clippings?

I will go first - I had an extensive collection of unicorns. Until some guy told me they were all phallic symbols.

Mother's Day

2008-05-09T16:35:00.004-05:00

This weekend is a high holy one. Mother's Day.

I have already mailed my mother her gift. I am thankful that I have a mother to send a gift. Of course, my mother is very lucky since she has a daughter. Over here in my house, the house of 3 boys and a man, no shopping has even started.

What do I want for Mother's Day you ask? I have simple tastes. I don't want flowers. Or chocolates. Or even jewelry.

I would love it if:

*my boys gave me a card with a note saying they would vacuum and wash my car.
*offer to spend the day with me - take in a movie or lunch and just HANG.
*make a pretend gift card for a "chef and clean up crew for the evening". I honestly wouldn't care if they fixed a frozen pizza - it is the thought that counts.
*Write me a letter.

I did come up with a plan for Mother's Day that sounds perfect (keep your fingers crossed for the weather to be nice) and that is a day at a state park, with our bikes, cooking out and just relaxing.

Honestly, the two guys below captured my household perfectly and this video says Happy Mother's Day better than I can.

An Open Letter...

2008-04-28T17:24:00.003-05:00

Dear Miley/Hannah,

I heard that you are considering writing your autobiography. Interesting. Or would it be? How old are you? 15?

Since I have lived long enough to actually qualify for autobiographical status - may I please step in?

The Top Ten Reasons Why Mi-anna Should Not Write Her Life Story:

10. You have not lived long enough to write your memoirs. There is NO story.
9. Memoirs about your toddler years and the time you had diaper rash does not a book make.
8. Hannah Montana is NOT a real person....you knew that, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU???
7. What's the most horrible thing to happen to you? Your period starting?
6. Again, the time you got one pimple, does not qualify as a learning example for others.
5. You are too normal acting to have a salacious story. Have you forgotten to wear underwear lately? Shaved your head? Didn't think so.
4. A story about how you are a complete creation by Disney and you can't even sing all that well? We might be able to go somewhere with that!
3. Has your daddy pimped you out? Bought you boobs and lips? Sold you to the highest bidder? No? Oh yeah, that's Jessica Simpson - now SHE'S got a book in the making!
2. No, dear, Robitussin for your cough does not qualify you as a drug addict.
1. The world doesn't need to be subjected to your "Achy Breaky Daddy" any more.

Please reconsider, Mi-anna. Wait until you at least get your driver's license then maybe you can write a chapter about the time you scraped the fender backing out of the garage. Now that will keep 'em on the edge of their seat. I feel a movie in the making....

Stayin' Classy

2008-04-22T19:08:00.003-05:00

You all know that I am quite the philanthropist. A true "Lover of the People" and because of this intense need to help others I must tell you about a t.v. show. Let's call it what it is - a warning.

The Real Housewives of New York City on BRAVO. I somehow got sucked into this show. Okay, it was storming and I was stupid enough to make cookies (sheet after sheet - it takes forever!) so for a little kitchen company and because the Dog Whisperer was on hiatus or something, I watched.

These have to be the most vapid, selfish, ignorant women in NYC. All of these women are convinced they are "classy" and of the "upper crust" of society. In fact, after a night at the opera, one of the women spent the following morning scouring the New York Times to see if she made "the society pages". Her husband kept telling their 4 year old, Francois (yes, thats what they named their kid AND they try and make him speak french!), that Mommy might be in the society pages.

A different woman (I refuse to learn their names) decided to have a dinner party. She carried her chihuahua around and fussed about seating arrangements (for 6 people....no, did you hear me? FOR 6 PEOPLE WE HAD TO HAVE SEATING ARRANGEMENTS??). Then when they did sit down for dinner they had a whole discussion about what being classy meant. One of the women said it was your ambience. I'm not sure she knows what the word ambience means. I am guessing at her use of this word because with her New York accent it was actually a little hard to tell what she was saying.

Sidebar: Here's my opinion of "class": If you must tell someone you are "classy," chances are you aren't. I hate the word classy. If you must have a discussion of a higher life station then please use a word like sophistication or maybe comment on someone's good taste.

There is nothing redeeming about this show. At least some reality shows are entertaining. I guess I watched a couple of them because I was waiting for something....the punchline? one of the women to be a serial killer?

Hasn't everyone (except for those who practice polygamy in weird sects - then you become reality entertainment on the news) in the world learned that if you are on a reality t.v. show, chances are you are NOT going to look good, smart or normal?? You have to weigh over 400 lbs, have tattoos on every inch of skin, give birth to a litter of children, be a midget, be willing to swap your wife, have bratty kids, live on an island, eat bugs or.....what? Have I left out anything?? If a reality show comes calling remember the words many of us grew up on....Just Say No.

Fears

2008-04-18T17:44:00.003-05:00

I am not afraid to admit that I have certain fears. Obviously, admitting to them is NOT one of my phobias.

In my adult life I have often contemplated how fear has shaped my life. Most people fear failure. Not me. I fear success. I used to tell myself I couldn't work outside the home because I would be "too good at it" and then I would neglect my children/husband/home and be left in ruin.

Hubs: "So you are afraid you will be too successful?"

me: "pretty much."

Yesterday I was at an office building and had to use the escalator to go downstairs. This escalator was the Mt. Everest of all escalators. It was tracking at about 35 mph with a black ski slope incline. My stomach did a sickening flip-flop. I have a fear of escalators. This fear is somewhat justified because I did fall down one when I was about five. To this day, I don't like anyone to be too close behind me when I get on. I have to jump on with a style similar to playground jump roping (remember when we were given huge long jump ropes and 2 - 3 people at a time could jump?? Remember how we would hold our hands over our head getting the rhythm so we could "jump in"??)

Growing up, I had the run-of-the-mill childhood fears (the dark, boogers, snakes!). I remember a few fears distinctly. Someone gave me this doll that was supposed to walk. The freakishly scary, Barbie-on-steroids was like 2 1/2 feet tall! I got her for my birthday when I was four. I will never forget the first night I had her. I tried to go to bed - squeezed my little eyelids shut but, SHE was staring at me - from the corner of my room. I got up and dug out all the toys in my wooden, coffin-like toybox and placed her FACE DOWN. I had this idea that she would not be able to get out this way and I would be safe. It worked!

Another somewhat irrational fear that has dogged me from childhood is my inability to let any part of my body dangle off the bed. I envision someone or thing under my bed will be able to grab my careless appendage and pull me under. Not sure what would happen then but it must be awful because I can not let anything off the safety zone of the mattress.

Fear can save our lives or it can cripple mercilessly. I guess it would be controlling the fear, instead of the other way around that is key.

Along Came Poly

2008-04-07T08:00:00.003-05:00

I remember when polyester made its big debut. I was still in elementary but I will purposely be vague on when that was....

My grandmother and my mother were estatic. No ironing! The bright colors didn't fade! It was so versatile! If you wanted a seam - just sew one in!

My grandmother liked to sew. I hesitate to call her a seamstress because that would imply she was a professional and was...well...good at it.

I suppose if I had to heat my iron up on my wood fired stove in order to get that certain crispness to my clothes, I would empathize with the rapture that polyester inspired in my grandmother. She began cranking out hot pink, turquoise blue, not-of-this-world green and burn-your-eyes-out yellow pants with matching vests. Let's just say that I was less then thrilled. I should have been grateful but, unfortunately, my fashion sense was already dialed up full blast. I knew that the clothes my grandmother was cranking out like moonshine from a still were a huge Fashion Don't.

I just didn't see how indestructible clothing could be viewed as great. Yes, I suppose it had it had its applications and probably I was wearing early Kevlar and didn't even know I was bullet-proof. But let me tell you another story about it:

About 10 years ago, my hometown of OKC was putting in a new major highway. It involved bulldozing around a lake. One day on the work site, a dirt mover came upon a car in the water. The car was from the 1960's. It was traced to a doctor who lived in town. The story was that his wife and daughter had left the house one icy, winter evening, never to be seen again. Although the doctor claimed that the marriage was good, he was always viewed with a little suspicion. Finally, he was cleared and people just assumed the the wife and daughter started a new life somewhere. Until their car rose from the water.

Their skeletons were intact inside the vehicle. They had been lying undiscovered in this watery grave for almost 30 years. The daughter's polyester outfit was LIKE BRAND NEW.

Moral of the story? I don't want my clothes to outlive me.

Adventures in BabySitting

2008-03-31T12:57:00.003-05:00

The hubby and I had an opportunity to have a romantic weekend while attending the wedding of a dear friend in New Orleans. A chance to be easy in the Big Easy! I was all over that - plus it would be wonderful to see this couple unite in marriage because they are perfect for each other.

I asked (begged, pleaded, then promised $$$) the oldest, College Boy, if he would come home and babysit his younger brothers.

On Friday as we made our drive to NOLA, college boy calls.

"I'm going to take the boys and go back up to my house (near college campus) on Saturday because its my roommates birthday and we are having a party for him."

Alarm bells begin sounding quietly in my mind. Frown lines begging for botox form on my brow.

"Is this going to be a Girls Gone Wild type of party?" I asked.
"No, mom!"
"You do realize that you are an example for your little brothers? And, how impressionable they are??" to which he assured me that yes, he took his role as the Keeper of the Children serious.

We arrived home on Sunday. I asked the youngest son how the trip to his brother's house was. He said it was fun and he played video games, oh and two girls got drunk. One had to sleep at the house and the other was driven home safely.

College boy then called. I told him what his little brother had told me and he assured me it was all good. Just some silly girls who showed up but they were taken care of, then he said that his 15 year old brother had "owned" at beer pong AND NEVER EVEN HAD TO DRINK because he was so good.

"Not that I would have let him drink more than a sip, mom!"

Good Lord, isn't THAT a relief?????? I believe this is when I blacked out.

Just Because....

2008-03-25T05:50:00.003-05:00

I've been in a foul mood lately. Sometimes I need something brainless and pretty.

Well, lookie what I found!

When I saw these ads in a magazine I had to wipe the drool off my chin several times. Not many people have that effect on me. All things Clooney of course, but thats about it.

I don't care that Victoria has to tell him when to breathe (no, love, not through your mouth!). If I had 10 minutes alone with him - it would not be to chat.

My Fellow Americans

2008-03-18T14:25:00.003-05:00

Call me naive. Call me ignorant. But, something I have discovered in the last few weeks has shocked me.

I have had several different people tell me that they voted for Hillary Clinton just so Barack Obama would NOT win.

They then would follow up with a dumbass comment like, "He's a Muslim, you know."

At this point, I feel like I should be like the comedian and "hand them their sign." The other day the comment was "he refused to say the pledge of allegiance!"

Both of these pieces of misinformation are easy enough to look up on the internet and see if they are true or not. THEY ARE NOT TRUE. Obama has never been a Muslim - he just happened to live in a largely Muslim country when he was young. And, the pledge incident was not the pledge. It was the playing of the National Anthem. One sings the national anthem - you don't necessarily put your hand over your heart.

I was shocked and well, frankly, disappointed in my fellow man to hear that people used their vote that way. I have had at least three people tell me they voted that way. These are all Republicans too. Republicans who do not want their man to have to run against Obama.

I'm really not a super political person. This just saddened me. Honestly, the people I have met, I believe their fear/dislike comes down to race. I thought we were way past that. I know I am certainly not color blind and my mind tends to sort by differences. Once I get to know someone and find they are kind and honest - I don't really care if they are purple. I don't see that anymore.

I find it quite insulting to a man who has graduated from Harvard, lives a good, honest life and is someone that I think if I ever met, I would like, still is being judged this way.

No News is Good News

2008-03-16T06:39:00.002-05:00

I am not a big morning television watcher. Mostly because I have three boys who when they were growing up always wanted to watch cartoons in the morning while they ate breakfast. I am usually too busy being super creative with peanut butter, grape jelly (and ONLY GRAPE) and bread anyway as I try to pack lunches. In between I am a short order cook slinging eggs, eggo waffles, cereal or whatever each child wants that day.

Lately though, my kids have not been turning on the t.v. so I thought, "Wow, I wonder what the big people watch in the mornings? I have always heard of The Today Show, The Morning Show and what about this Good Morning, America???"

So, feeling all grown up, I turned on a news show as I worked in the kitchen. The 10 year old was sitting at the table, eating his breakfast.

"Spitzer spends thousands of dollars on prostitutes! He paid for sex many times!!"

"Ten year old mauled by mountain lion!"

"Co-ed murdered! Found shot and dead in the street!!"

I look at him, he looks at me - both of us with eyes wide. Where's the remote????

The List

2008-03-09T16:22:00.002-05:00

The last two weeks have been...tumultuous. To say the least. It seems that everything in my life is falling into a Love it or Hate it kind of column.

Hate it: When the doors to Wal-mart are guarded by people seeking money. The other day I answered this question with a resounding and very irritated "No!" The question? "Would you like to help starving children?"

Yesterday, I got chased by a woman holding out a Girl Scout Cookie as I tried to leave the grocery store peacefully. I cannot stand this type of guerilla fund-raising.

Love it: I got to go skiing in Colorado with 7 other girlfriends. What a great weekend! The weather was perfect - sunny and nice, then it even snowed one day. I also discovered that Bailey's comes in little plastic "to go" bottles! They fit perfectly in one's pocket and provide a delicious bit of warmth!

Hate it: My company is closing its doors. Which means they obviously didn't think about me and how they were going to mess up my life. I LOVED my job. It was perfect. Unfortunately, due to things beyond my control, the business is now defunct.

Don't act like I can just go out and GET ANOTHER JOB. It's not that simple. I got to office from home, I set my own schedule and no one micromanaged me. See what I mean???? Those kind of jobs don't fall off the turnip truck everyday.

Love it: Starbucks Chai Tea Misto - Yum!

The Y's in My Life

2008-02-25T20:15:00.003-06:00

Boys are definately different than girls. I have been learning that for almost 21 years now. Some days the point gets driven home harder than others.

Today on the way home from lacrosse practice the 15 year old was discussing a friend's girlfriend and how the boy is "whipped" by her. As he described her I amazed him with being able to fill in with things like "I'll bet she doesn't have many girlfriends," and "is she trying to limit his time with his guy friends?" I then informed him girls like this usually view other girls as a threat and it comes from being insecure. Warming to my subject, since my two boys seemed enthralled by my almost limitless font of knowledge, I said, "It isn't wise to have only guy friends - they just aren't the same as girlfriends."

The older one chimed in with a big grin, "I know! Guys like to just let 'em rip really loud. My coach can rip 'em so loud and so nasty, it clears the circle at practice!" (just in case you are wondering - they are describing flatulence) He then added, "I love being a guy!" To which the younger one in the back seat seconded with a "me too!"

Number one son's birthday is tomorrow. He will be 21. Being the usual boys that they are, the younger two have done nothing as far as purchasing a gift or making a card. I went upstairs and asked #2 what he thought of getting #1 twenty-one different treat items and filling a basket. He nodded then said, "how about beers?" I gave my meanest motherly frown to curtail such thinking. That's when #3 came out of his bedroom. I told him of my incredible birthday idea. He nodded and said, "So, should we get him 21 beers?"

I give up.

Yes We Can!

2008-02-20T06:08:00.003-06:00

I did something last night. I went to the Barack Obama political rally in Houston. With over 16,000 of my friends.

Let me preface with this - I have been a card carrying Republican since I was 18. I am proudly conservative. But, in the last four years a bad taste has formed in my mouth. So, I have become a campaign groupie.

You see, the same friend that went with me last night, went with me to see John Edwards when he came to town about 6 months ago. We have decided that the older we get, we are tending to be a bit more liberal in our outlook. I liked John Edwards at his rally (once he stood up on his box and I could see his tiny cute self) but he lost me on the Universal Health Care and I knew I couldn't vote for him.

Barack Obama has caught my interest. I didn't think he had the charisma. He does. Trust me. I was in a completely packed venue last night that could not have been more excited and full of energy. But, do you know what was really exciting? We were a true cross section of America. There was every color, every age and from what I could tell by superficial standards, every economic level.

I like what the man has to say. He talks of changing Washington and I for one, think its needs some changing. The status quo is not working any longer.

Obama talks of health care, especially for all children. His plan to pay for it is better than any other I have heard. Let's face it, the Republican "No Child Left Behind" has left many battered and in the dust. My friend who was with me works in the public school system. She sees it everyday.

Obama talks of hope and I know I could use a little hope for my country right now.

Obama talks of pulling all troops out of Iraq by 2009. That was when the tears were stinging behind my eyes and I stood. And clapped. Hard. I am a mother. A mother of one who will be graduating from college in 15 months as a second lieutenent in the U.S. Army. When he was a toddler I held his hand to keep him safe. I provided shelter, proper nutrition, and a good education to bring him up the best way I knew how. Even though he will be 21 next week, I am still out there protecting him in the only way I know how. If a vote for Obama means he will not go to war in a country where we seem to have lost our way, then I have switched parties.

Maybe its time for a change.

My Own Little "Crash"

2008-02-16T07:26:00.004-06:00

I think people are racist without even realizing it. They think they aren't, but humans can't help themselves (see the movie "Crash" for confirmation of this). Like seeks like. That's just how our brains work so we cannot help a certain extent of our behavior.

But, sometimes it can be a little funny. Take my mother (please!)...

First, a little background. My parents are white and from the mid-west where at the time they were growing up, there was no other color to be found. Everyone was pale. My parents are 70 and 71 now, so have tended to grow up with certain ideas about other races but no real firsthand experience. I guess what I am asking is please forgive them. They know not what they do.

Here is our phone conversation the other day:

My Mom: "Your dad and I went to see two movies this week." (that is a big deal in itself)

Me: What movies?

My Mom: "Fools Gold" - which was cute and just o.k., and "Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins". That movie was so funny! We laughed and laughed! You know what? It made me wish I had a black friend."

Me: (in horror) "Mom! You can't say that! That's racist!"

My Mom: "No, it isn't! They are funny people!"

My parents are a lost cause. Don't even get me started on my dad and his rampages about the "homosexuals who are taking over the city council" in his town. The funny thing about that? My parents closest neighbors and friends are lesbians. They have these two women over for dinner all the time.

I suppose I am racist also, but I hope only in this - I do not like people who act like trash, but trash comes in all colors. I guess I am a full-fledged, card carrying, Britney Spears racist.

The Last Word

2008-02-09T06:55:00.000-06:00

If you could know how or when you were going to die, would you want to? My answer to that would be no, but I believe I know what would be my last word before I go to meet my Maker.

I had a car accident this week. It ended up being minor, but only by sheer luck. When one is traveling at the speed of 60 mph, it is extremely hard to come to a stop and things happen quickly. I was entering our beloved Beltway 8 here in Houston. While accelerating up to the rate (most people do 80 on the beltway - I usually do 65 - 70) I noticed the traffic in the right lane was going slower than 65 and prepared to go around them. Glancing in the side mirror - noted the lane was clear - when I glanced back in front they had all SLAMMED THEIR BRAKES ON! Knowing I could not stop in time, I turned to try and miss the truck in front of me, clipped his bumper and sent him flying across every lane of traffic. He came to a stop up against the center barrier, facing the opposite direction. The stability control in my Sequoia was amazing because I thought I was going to roll but didn't, instead I came to a stop at the next exit. Luckily, we were both okay.

I was talking on my phone when the accident happened. Not sure if the phone played into it - I was fully aware of what happened but this coworker/friend (he wishes to use an alias and thoughtfully provided one for me) "Dick Vixxxen", heard it all. When we spoke later in the day, Dick mentioned how he heard everything. I said, "you heard me screaming?" To which Dick replied, "yeah, the f word!"

Roll back the clock about 10 years: Minor accident - very good friend of mine in the car with me. After the police finished and we drove away, she informed me that when the girl hit me I yelled not only the F word but I decorated it with the word Mother in front.

Here is my concern. I don't really want either derivation to be my last word on earth. I need to start practicing some new ones. Maybe "BINGO!" or "DOMINO!" or what about "HALLELUJAH!" (that might prepare the Big Man Upstairs of my arrival whereupon I am sure to get my mouth washed out with soap!). Suggestions?

You Are What You Eat

2008-02-03T07:47:00.001-06:00

My latest fascination is with a show on the BBCA called "You Are What You Eat."

From here on out please read this post with a British accent.

The show is bloody brilliant! This dietician lady, Gillian, surprises fat people in the UK and then forces them to see what they eat in a week and then change their diets. (I am waiting for the sister show - "Orthodontics - Its not just for America!!")

One 18 year old girl only ate McDonald's hamburgers and chips (fries). Gillian made an entire sculpture of a person out of fatty, raw hamburger meat to shock this girl and her parents into changing all of their habits. The girl was 6 stones overweight (btw - a stone = 14 lbs.).

One father of three drank 12 pints of Guiness every day and ate ginormous portions of fatty, fried foods. After Gillian badgered him (and his enabling wife) he changed his wicked ways and dropped over 4 stones.

My favorite part of the show? When Gillian examines their "poo" (isn't that cute - instead of shit, poop, b.m., excrement or crap - she calls it poo! Don't you love the English and their cute words??) She makes the people poop into a pan and then covering their faces with masks, they take a look at it. She can diagnose if you are low in vitamin (and she says it vitamin with a short vowel sound on the i) B, zinc, fiber and so on. Looking at your own poo seems to be quite the wake up call.

Here at home, I am always trying to get my cheeseburger lovin' crew on board the eatin' healthy bandwagon. I seem to receive the most resistance in a surprising area. The husband. I can yak and yak about eating healthy and healthy choices while we are sitting in a restaurant, he will look right at me, nodding in agreement and then turn around and order the burger and fries.

I have threatened to send someone to look at his poo. Any volunteers?

Visiting Morbidville

2008-01-28T20:17:00.000-06:00

My mind lives in the land of Morbid. I have these dark thoughts. Often.

I am only going to tell you a few of my thoughts, lest I frighten you. I know they are scary because every now and then when I attempt to share with the hubs, he gets this look on his face like he is trying to remember the instructions to "How To Properly Buckle A Strait-Jacket" or "Three Easy Steps to Installing Your Spouse in a Looney Bin." Then I shut up.

Like today. I felt a small lump in my armpit. We all know that's where the lymph nodes are, right? There is a cancer called lymphosarcoma. Its terrible. Infiltrates the whole body. Well, by 3:00 today I was convinced that is what I had. I was already planning my trip to Atlantis in the Bahamas (snorkeling, dolphins, sand!) and then after the trip I would let the hubs in on my TRUE reason for our going.

Hubs gets home from work. He is changing clothes. I announce, "I have a painful lump under my arm. Its probably cancer." The look comes over his face. I then strip off my top to adequately show him said lump (yes, he made a few comments about checking my other, more obvious, lumps - the man NEVER takes me seriously!). That's when I remembered the time I went to the doctor - prepared for the Big C because of another small painful lump and found out it was an ingrown hair. I then told him about my plans for Atlantis to which he replied, "You actually planned all this?"

me: "Yes! What do you think about all day?"
Hubs: "Work."
me: "Is it my fault I can multi-task?"

There was the time I went to the doctor convinced I had cancer because my foot was killing me. The doc had hardly turned my foot over when he casually announces, "You have a plantar's wart." Yes, I was relieved it wasn't cancer but I was quite offended that he said I had a wart. I had never had a wart and (apologies now to all of you wart people) but only yucky people - toad huggers - got warts (I have seen the light and know this not to be true - because I have now officially suffered through a wart).

Then there was the time I was convinced I had arthritis. My walking days were numbered. A wheelchair was in my near future.

Doctor: "You have plantar's fasciitis. Stop running, change your shoes, rest."

I give out funeral arrangements to my friend's too. Is that morbid?

"Please play REO Speedwagon's "Time For Me to Fly" but explain to the throngs of people that the entire song isn't appropriate for the funeral."

"Don't let just anyone do my hair if there is an open casket. And, NO blue eyeshadow!"

And, a favorite of my mother's when I was growing up, "Hey mom, if I am ever decapitated you can identify me by the birth mark on my ankle."

Some call it morbid - I call it good planning.

Just Say It

2008-01-21T06:39:00.000-06:00

Song lyrics.

I tend to be an innocent when it comes to song lyrics. I go for the superficial and think they simply mean exactly what is there. So, imagine my dismay when years ago, someone told me that ZZ Top was NOT buying the girl a real pearl necklace!

Go to http://www.urbandictionary.com/ sometime when you are really bored and you can look up all kinds of stuff. I do believe it is all written by guys. For example, the pearl necklace reference. The writer of the definition waxes on how women love this. That it is the ultimate gift from a guy to a girl. Right. Go to the jewelry store and put some real money down instead, cheap bastard!

The latest one to shock my sensitive system is from the ubiquitous Crank That Soulja Boy song. Do you know what a Superman is according to the urban dictionary? I cannot even bring myself to tell you. Go look it up and come back. I'll wait.

What is really disgusting is that this song is being play EVERYWHERE. I have seen pro football players dancing during a game to it. I have seen 7 year old little girls bust a move at a birthday party to this song. The supersoaker the dude is singing about? He is not talking about a plastic toy gun!

And the song Umbrella by Rihanna. Guess what? She is NOT talking about rain gear. Personally, I don't know if I believe this or not, but when she offers for him to stand under her umbrella that is supposed to mean something else - you know, down there.

Now I am hyper-suspicious about all songs. I'm afraid to walk around singing anything out loud. What is Bubbly really?

What about Girlfriend by Avril? What kind of girlfriend??

So, what does Pop, Lock and Drop it really mean?

Do our kids know what these songs mean? I am afraid to even ask mine. I don't want to start a conversation I don't have a strong enough stomach to finish. Full blown paranoia is setting in.

Random....like my brain

2008-01-16T05:11:00.000-06:00

Since the holidays ended (for me around January 7th) I have been really busy with work. I don't get to be at my computer all day and so I am dreadfully behind on my blog reading. And, even though I have a Crackberry it is torture to try and use it to read blogs. Plus, I am trying to cut down on my Crackberrying and driving.

So, I am driving....and getting my car washed the other day.

There was a maroon mini van in front of me. After we drive through the car wash, I parked next to her van in order to use the vacuum. She is wearing a full-length mink to vacuum her car. WTF? It goes without saying that I was woefully underdressed. But, I must admit it was one of the coldest days we ever get in Houston and if your gonna bust out the mink in South Texas, then appropriate mink-wearing venue be damned!

I discovered a sign the other day that was an instant perk me up. I decided that anytime I needed a self-esteem boost, driving by here would do it.

"Plus Size Resale"

Need I say more? Other than, you can always find something to be thankful for!

Crow Pie, Crow Salad...

2008-01-08T17:06:00.000-06:00

Capture one plump crow

You would think that I would love the taste of crow by now since I have had to eat my words many times. It's never pleasant - the whole chewing and swallowing of one's own

words. It doesn't matter how big one's mouth is - its still a tough swallow.

Let me explain: In Texas, parents can opt to teach their own child to drive. It is a "Parent Taught Driver's Ed" and I have always disagreed with it. These are the same parents who are most likely rude drivers themselves. Nothing like passing on the habit of flipping someone the bird when they cut you off. These are probably the same parents who cannot tell their children "NO," yet, they are being entrusted with my safety and everyone elses on the road.

I have often expressed my disapproval of this type of Driver's Ed over the regular class taught. Loudly. Stridently. Vociferously. Maybe even obnoxiously. I love the true Driver's Ed class. They scare the piss out of the kids by showing them horrific accident scenes. They put them on simulators where they get to experience running over a little girl on a tricycle. Good stuff. You see, I want my boys to take this priviledge seriously.

Bring water to a boil then add crow with a dash of salt

Seems middle son, who has turned 15, is extremely busy with sports and school, making it difficult to fit in the traditional class. We started to realize that Parent Taught Driver's Ed may be our only alternative.

Now it must be said, that this child would be my ONE who will listen to us. He is very conscientious and safety conscious. He is a good boy. If I truly thought he would be an ass behind the wheel then I would not do it.

Boil until soft, then allow to cool before cramming down throat

And, my husband has agreed to be his Parent/Teacher. Together they will do very well. My husband is all about Following The Rules. This is the man who flips on his turn signal to turn into our driveway when no one is on our street! He has received one ticket EVER in his life and it was for doing 45 in a 35 (hardly, a speed demon). Together, I think they will make a competent, safe, well-learned team.

As for me, I am hoping that none of my friend's find out.

The Vows that Must Be Broken

2008-01-01T10:08:00.000-06:00

Happy 2008! I hope you rang in the New Year with someone you love and look forward to it with hope. Did you make any resolutions? I don't put a lot of stock in resolutions and feel they are empty vows made on Jan. 1st but end up being thrown to the wayside by Jan. 21st.

I think it was last year I vowed to stop cussing so much. Well, shit. That didn't happen. I am happy to report that I curse LESS. Just with more feeling.

Frustratingly enough, my mind automatically goes into resolution mode on December 31st. Maybe it is the perpetual optimist in me. Maybe its the siren call of the evil media "telling" me I must create these promises that I have no intention of keeping. So, I decided to make a few resolutions that I felt completely in my realm of keepable vows.

1. I resolve to always have plenty of toilet paper in my house. If this seems a little strange to you then you must know of my fear that one day I will open the cabinet to find I have run out of toilet paper. I don't know if as a small child something tragic befell me (a camping trip? Leaves??) All I know is I stock up on t.p. like a chipmunk storing nuts for winter.

2. I resolve to tell the people I love how great they are. I have existed in a world where I just thought my family and friends already KNEW I thought they were super. But after an incident recently, it was brought to my attention that they would like verbal confirmation of their specialness in my life. I can do that.

3. I will stop saying out loud that I have amazing hair. I grew up my whole life with horrible hair. Naturally frizzy, bushy, impossible to control hair. I lived with a "Pixie" haircut from 2nd through 5th grade! Then about two years ago, I discovered the miracle of chemically straightening it and have achieved the Shangri-la of hair. But enough, I am sure people are getting tired of it....oh good Lord! Who am I kidding? I have AMAZING hair!!!!

From my house to yours....Happy New Year!

Whoville

2007-12-27T15:51:00.001-06:00

Well, how was everyone's Christmas? Mine was good. I was getting a little worried that I wasn't going to get that feeling. You know, that "tingly-OMG-Christmas is almost here" feeling? It was as if the Grinch had visited my house and stolen Christmas.

The middle son and I both admitted last Friday that we didn't have it. It just didn't feel like Christmas. No magic. We had done all the requisite decorating, purchasing of the roast beast, oodles of presents, so many stocking stuffers they won't all fit, Christmas program attendance, lighting of the home etc. etc. etc. But, the feeling had not arrived.

Maybe it was due to the fact no one at my house believes in Santa anymore. Why is it that our whole goal as parents is to see that our children grow up, but when they do we are disappointed?

Then my parents came into town. On Sunday morning my mother went with me to church and helped me with my 4th grade Sunday School class. I am sure she got tired of me spouting off to anyone who would listen that "This is my mom!" (okay, she probably didn't get tired of it!). My mom is a very youngish 70 years of age but I know that our time is running out. Our time for "good times" is disappearing. Maybe we will have another 10 good years but I doubt it. How much longer will my 71 year old dad be able to make the 450 mile drive to my house? Our time together is gold to me. I don't have a sister and I don't have a daughter. My mother is my only female relationship that I have (other than friends) right now. I can always hope for a great daughter in law but there's no guarantee of that happening.

Our mother/daughter pedicures yesterday were sweeter when I know it could be 6 months before I see her again. My realization has made me a nicer person. I am a bit more patient with their quirks (which my brothers and I LOVE to belly laugh over - in fact I had my brother in tears doing an imitation of my mother just the other night!). But for all their idiosyncracies, they would give their lives for me and my brothers and honestly did their very best as parents...and they are mine. They are my safety net, my 24/7 cheer squad, my unconditional love. So, yes, Christmas arrived "It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes, or bags! " **

**from The Grinch.

The Poop Post

2007-12-18T07:00:00.000-06:00

Due to an extreme amount of Christmas overload (I am tired of feeling like I MUST wear red or green!! And, people asking me if I finished my shopping) I am posting about something totally different. I am sure you will appreciate this little respite from the crazy holidays. So, sit back - grab yourself something to eat or drink, or, er, maybe not....

This whole detox/colonic cleansing/crazy shit thing is something that for some reason caught my eye this week. So, I consulted my medical practitioner (the Internet!!) so I could see what this is all about.

There are recipes galore out there - drinks with lemons, cayenne pepper, maple syrup, fast for 1/3/10/40 days (wouldn't I be dead after 40 days??) eat only raw food, etc.etc. all meant to cleanse your body of toxins. But, this site caught my eye. Only click on it if you truly have a strong stomach. These images will remain burned onto your retina forever....seriously, don't say I didn't WARN YOU. Click Here

These are pictures of what came out of people during their cleansing. People took pictures of their POOP. My eyes needed an opthalmic cleansing after that.

Do any of you believe in this? Did you know your liver does the same thing every 36 hours? I don't know that a day of fasting and drinking lemon water isn't good for you every now and then but don't go spend a ton of money on this stuff. But, I would love to hear from someone who does. Notice I said HEAR (as in comment) Please do NOT send me photos of your poop.

My Dumbass Sighting

2007-12-10T07:14:00.001-06:00

The other day, while driving out of my neighborhood, a guy on a motorcycle was in front of me. I recognized him as one of the boys who used to live across from me (when I lived in my old house). He and his twin brother had dropped out of school a couple of years ago (he is maybe 19 now??) and would walk down the street with their charming pit bull to smoke all the time. Not sure what they were smoking but I can imagine...

Well, here I am following one of the boys on his motorcycle. When we hit the main road, he passed the van in front of him. Then I could see him stay in the left passing lane because there was some kind of big farm plowing machine thingy in the right lane and I knew he was planning to pass him too. I was preparing to make my left turn when I noticed something was weird about the kid. That's when I realized he was standing up on the motorcycle on one foot with the other back behind him! Performing the flying camel I believe. I gasped as I turned, realizing that he was going no less than 50 mph while attempting this homage to Evil Knieval.

Just as I turned, he lost control and I watched him do what looked like cartwheels across the road. He went one way and the bike went the other. Of course, by now I am screaming in my car because I just witnessed this horrific accident. Now, I have turned though and can no longer see him. My dilemma: I don't want to see a dead person. But, I am the only person who knows where this kid lives and so can give the address to mail his dumbass remains.

I turned around and went back. Miraculously, he was sitting up on the side of the road. The poor farmer guy was out of his big yellow vehicle and was concerned about the boy. I parked and got out. I asked the kid if I could go to his house and get someone. He said no one was home. He started dry heaving and while he did that I took note of the incredible road rash he now had on both arms. He'd had a leather jacket on but it had come completely off in the wreck. He asked for his phone so farmer and I started looking in the grass.

Farmer: "I don't know what happened."
Me: "Uh, he was STANDING UP ON THE BIKE!
Farmer: "You are kidding."
Me: "I wish."

We found the phone and pulled the motorcycle remains off the road. I believe the bike suffered more damage then the kid somehow. Then I told him I would take him home if he wanted. So, he got in my car muttering about how his grandpa was going to kill him.

That's when I told him that he was damn lucky to even be alive. And, that if I ever saw him on a motorcycle again, he'd better not be doing was I saw him doing AND he'd better put on a helmet!

Even in the short time we got to his house, he was groaning about his back hurting. I've thought about him over this past week and wondered how he is doing. I hope he realizes that he got a second chance. And, you know what? Not everyone gets that lucky.

Believe it or Not

2007-11-26T06:04:00.000-06:00

It's a crazy world we live in and I do believe, its getting crazier by the minute.

While listening to the radio the other day, I heard this story. It seems in Australia a Santa Claus company (one who provides mall Santas) decided that it was against company policy for their Santa's to say "Ho, Ho, Ho!" You see, the word "Ho" has become a dirty word in their minds. Synonymous with prostitutes. (Wouldn't Santa's profession trump the other Oldest Profession?) Their Santa's must say "Ha, Ha, Ha!" instead.

Well, if we are going to do that then the big man should go on a diet too. You know his cholesterol is through the roof. If it isn't healthy for small children to hear the word "Ho" then it sure can't be good to give them this example of a man who isn't watching his diet. And, while we are on it....you think that red nose is by accident? Obviously, Santa is a drinker. He needs to cut back on the sauce if he's going to be around the kiddos.

Well, and if we are going to be picky then let's score one for the Fashion Police. Santa's outfit is outdated and tacky. Downright fugly.

Really, if Santa had any smarts at all he would have already thought of all this and hired a cracker jack team of p.r. people, image consultants and managers. He would be all beefed up, dressed in designer duds, drinking wheat grass smoothies and just downright sexy.

Like this guy. Hey, now. He can come down my chimney anytime...

Things I Learned This Week

2007-11-15T05:54:00.000-06:00

It is Holiday Eve Week. Things are picking up speed as we blow right over Thanksgiving for Christmas. I heard Christmas music while at the grocery store LAST WEEKEND. Who will it take to end this trend of starting Christmas too early? Oprah? Can you hear me???

I learned a few things this week that I thought I would share.

1. Do not serve turkey, dressing, gravy and green beans at a luncheon the week before Thanksgiving. Why do menu planners do this? The schools do it to, like we all want to eat turkey everyday the last two weeks of November.

2. Do not use scatological humor when you are the keynote speaker. When I have a plate of food in front of me this joke is NOT appropriate - "I couldn't manage a fart while eating beans." Yes, I do believe the man was PAID to be the speaker.

3. I have friends I was not aware of and they are desperately trying to email me. My spam folder steals their emails and then I have to go every other week and clean out the 2,154 emails that have accumulated.
Why my system thinks I do not want to hear from Ethel Colon, Good Erection, Rocky Dickey (ouch!) and Brian DiCaprio (brother of Leonardo, obviously) I can't imagine.

4. Commercials for prescription drugs are out of control. There is one out right now for an inhaler and I do believe they have rushed this onto the market. Why? Because if you read at the bottom of the screen (the only reason I was able to was because we had DVR'd something) it says "We do not fully understand how XXXXX works". That's a little scary.

Pulp Non-Fiction

2007-11-12T21:16:00.000-06:00

We went to a party a couple of weekends ago. It was on a boat. A surprise party for a friend. Adults only.

We left the dock at 5 and didn't return until 9pm. There was a lot of alcohol involved. And a band.

One couple looked normal at first glance. As the evening wore on they got stranger and stranger. I recorded the weird woman dancing with another guy at the party. Not her husband. This guy was kind of different himself. But as one of my friend's leaned over and whispered, "It's bad when the crazy guy at the party doesn't want to dance with you!"

Really, he is not dancing. I think he is trying to escape.

It's dark and not great video. But the weirdness still manages to shine through....enjoy.

Totally Cool

2007-11-07T17:21:00.000-06:00

Things I used to think were totally rad, hot, COOL:

1. My Rally Sport Mini-Van. I actually thought that I looked pretty good in it. Must have been the mom hormones making me temporarily insane in the late 90's.

2. Big Hair. The 80's were totally my decade. (That is NOT me, but it could have been!! That girl has great mall bangs!!)

3. super skinny jeans. I used to wear these (a million years ago). I see people in them now and unless you are under 100 lbs. they do not look right. They make your feet look huge, and your butt look as big as Texas. (of course, not when I wore them!)

Very Scary Halloween

2007-11-01T20:20:00.000-05:00

Let me play out the conversation I had with college-age son this evening:

Chris: I think college girls' think Halloween means it's time to dress like a 'ho'.

Me: Oh no, not just in college. In our neighborhood last night I saw lots of junior high Pirate Ho's, Angel Ho's and Ho Ho's.

Chris: Well, my friend's girlfriend decided to go out dressed as a "Lingerie Model" and he was pissed.

Me: I can see why.

Chris: My girlfriend dressed as a "Sexy Librarian" but it was tasteful.

Me: I'm sure.

Chris: I'm just tired of girl's who dress like this and then get pissed when a guy touches them or is all over 'em.

Me: Kind of false advertising isn't it?

Chris: Yeah! It would be like me wearing a police officer's uniform and then when someone asked for help, telling them not to ask me, I'm just dressed like a cop. I think if you're gonna wear the uniform, be prepared to do the job.

Okay, that last line was priceless and I asked if I could use it. Chris said yes, but only if I quoted him (where does this boy get his sarcasm???).

"If you're gonna wear the uniform, be prepared to do the job."

This is not just for girls but boys who wear the super baggy, have to hold'em up, pants. Do you know where that trend comes from? Prisoners!! The prison uniforms would be so ill-fitting the dudes would have to hold them up!! Is this how you want your son or daughter to dress? Did you notice a definite sexy trend with Halloween this year?

"If you're gonna wear the uniform, then be prepared to do the job."

Aging

2007-10-24T20:14:00.000-05:00

This post might start out sounding sound like a review but this book really got me thinking.

Water for Elephants was an amazing book. I read it in about 2 1/2 days. It is a great story told in first person and revolves around life in the circus. That's all I will reveal other than the main character is now in a nursing home.

His life and how old he is now is what really gave me pause. This aging thing is not anything I am looking forward to at all.

While reading about his life (the treatment of him by nursing home staff, his daily routine and the pace) I would actually put the book down and stop to imagine. Imagine the difference in my life now and what it could be one day.

1. I never have enough time in the day vs. Watching the slow ticking clock and another identical day of meals in the dining room, naps and staring at a t.v. set

2. Independence vs. the inability to even drive a car

3. Mobility vs. wheelchair bound

4. Being treated with respect vs. being patronized by others

5. Freedom of choice vs. "This is what you get"

It struck me that one day this life I have now of rushing kids to and fro, cooking meals, attending meetings at school, dinner engagements, and work engagements, would all taper off one day. When it does, I want to make sure I have lots of memories in which to retreat.

What memories would you enjoy reliving? Yes, we all know the birth of children rank up there at the top, as do wedding days, but think beyond those...

Particularly vivid memories (I didn't say they were good or bad, just memories) are these:

* 7th grade: my friends and I decided to "Ding, Dong, Ditch" another friend's house. I will never forget that bitter taste of fear when while hiding next to her mailbox (behind a few trashbags) her parents' decided they would walk the street and really investigate these pesky kids who rang their doorbell. I just knew they could hear my heart pound and my heavy breathing. When they announced they were going back in for the flashlight, I ran like I had NEVER run before....

* Bike riding with my boys and husband through a downtown art park on a perfect Saturday. Then going to a diner and having burgers and malts for lunch.

* The day I surprised my boyfriend with a weekend at a fabulous hotel (bags were already packed and in the car) and he surprised me back by proposing....I said yes!

* Christmas when I was 16. There was a funny shaped gift under the tree to me from my dad. When I opened it, it was a garage door remote. He gave me his spot in the garage for the rest of the time I lived at home. No more icy windshields, no more warming up the car, no more running in the rain....actions speak louder than words and my dad screamed "I love you!" with that gesture.

Your turn....

Ostrich Days

2007-10-16T09:30:00.000-05:00

Has there ever been anything you have put off thinking about?

There is something in my life that scares me so much that I know I just cannot think about it yet. I know I am avoiding it to maintain my sanity but what scares me is when the time arrives...what will become of me?

I'm talking about my son. The one who is contracted to go into the Army after college graduation. So far, I have dealt with this situation by delaying the time I have to worry about it. It was three years away, then two years, now we are down to 18 months.

I've "joked" with people that I will be a mess when the day comes and he is deployed somewhere. I'm not joking. Yesterday something happened that I KNOW I am NOT joking.

I was reading about a new movie that is out. It is about a father and his soldier son who went to Iraq. Just reading about this movie reduced me to a puddle.

Part of me is petrified for him to be so far away from me and the other part is mourning the passing of his youth.

When I sit quietly, I can reconjure the little boy he was at two, or at four. I can remember his fat little hands or the way he squirmed on my lap. I can remember his funny words for things. His loud, belly laugh when tickled.

I remember the time when he was only 10 months old and he was so sick . I thought I was going to lose him. At the emergency room, as the doctor told me that IF the meningitis wasn't fatal then he could be deaf or blind, I was making deals with God inside my head to switch our places. Take me instead! I remember thinking, I didn't even know this little baby less than a year before but now couldn't imagine life without him.

Right now to get through every day I compartmentalize my brain. I slam certain cerebral doors shut. Rooms I am not ready to see yet, let alone enter.

Spare the Rod, Please!

2007-10-11T06:00:00.001-05:00

Recently, seen on a church marquee, "Parents and children should be on SPANKING terms."

This little zinger really made me pause. For one thing, I found it inappropriate that a church would post it on their large sign out front. Maybe they want the world to know just how fundamental they are...or archaic.

I do not agree with spanking.

I am raising three boys. If anyone would NEED to spank, I would think it would be me. But, here is where I have the problem with spanking (other than it is beating up someone littler than you are, which is the definition of a bully in my book) when you must resort to hitting your child, it means you have lost control. It means you have NOT done your job as a parent.

Let me explain - in my house, I never have HAD to spank. For one thing, it has never been in doubt who is in charge. My husband and I are the leaders in the household. Our children are NOT secondhand citizens by any means but they know their place in the home. They have been taught from day one to treat us and each other with respect. I have never had to spank because I never allowed a situation to deteriorate to the point that in order for me to feel in control I had to hit someone.

When my 20 year old was about 15, he came home from a friend's house. He commented that this friend treated his mother with a lot of disrespect. He talked down to her and yelled at her. Here was my son's comment to me, "I told him that he wouldn't last a day in my house."

Personally, I took that as a compliment. I am glad my kids know I would never ALLOW someone to act like that to me. So, you see, spanking simply wasn't an option or needed. And, for those of you who are interested, I was not spanked as a child by my parents either.

I am a Christian. But, I believe that the Bible was not meant to be taken literally. Spare the rod? A rod is what a shepherd uses to herd the sheep. He doesn't beat them with it. He prompts and guides his flock. You reap what you sow. I am enjoying my harvest.

Orientation

2007-10-03T07:00:00.000-05:00

Nothing quite like realizing you forgot to put anti-perspirant/deodorant on in the morning...at lunch time....with a car load of clients.

On a totally different note:

I got into a conversation with my college-age and high school age sons recently. They were discussing all of the lesbians in their schools. This lifestyle choice has become quite prevalent in their generation. My 9th grader has seen girls kiss each other in the hallway at his school. But, even my boys said, it is more like the girl's just "try it because its there."

To use my fav phrase, "Back in the day", I DO NOT remember this being a valid option to get your groove on. I didn't even find out what "gay" was until I was in like 8th grade! (I know, I know, small town, Oklahoma....) But here is my point, I don't remember thinking that any girls (or guys - okay, there was one and I think he probably did turn out to be gay but I don't think he was acting on it in high school) were getting their groove on in the locker room. There was no "girl-on-girl" action in my school.

What is your take on this? Did this go on openly at your school? Of course, it may depend on your age I guess but my point is this: has this become something to experiment with just because it is openly known and discussed in our society today? I'm not judging it unless I am from a parental point of view that I don't think teenagers should be having sex with anybody, male or female, until they are old enough to handle the responsibility and emotions that go along with it.

Driver's Ed

2007-09-26T19:37:00.000-05:00

"Back in the day" when I was 15 1/2, ready to drive, with learner's permit in hand, WHAT I was going to drive was secondary. I didn't care what it was or looked like, just as long as it had wheels and a motor, I was thrilled.

Son #2 is getting close to 15. He is smelling Driver's Ed in his near future and can't wait to achieve the level of independence that driving brings one.

Thinking I would make his little Freshman day I said, "maybe we will keep my Trailblazer and you could drive it."

#2 Son: Are you serious? (this was said with an incredulous tone. Not incredulous like How Could I Be So Lucky but incredulous, Why The F*** Would I Want To Drive This Car)

Me: Well, I was. (this said slow and drawn out...)

#2 Son: I don't like your car. (this was half whispered/half muttered.

People! My Chevy Trailblazer is a 2005, red/burgundy LT model. Do you know what I had to drive when I turned 16?? A 1967 Chevy Pickup!! That thing was BUTT ugly but I didn't care! It afforded me driving priviledges! Independence! Mobility! (besides the middle console was huge and great for stashing beer).

I don't understand the attitude that I owe him a sexy, sports car. For one thing, I love my boys too much to put them into a sports car of any kind when they turn 16. This is a good kid. I don't mean to blacken his name but its a problem I have seen in his generation.

All I know is that when I was his age, my parents even mentioning that I could drive AT ALL, even if it was my mother's station wagon, was enough for me to throw myself on the ground and worship them.

Is gratitude dead in this generation? Because entitlement seems alive and well.

A Post About Nothing

2007-09-19T20:27:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I like (need, want, have) to escape my house and regular life. I love to hike or bike but I especially love the beach. The sound of the water, the firm sand of Galveston under my toes, and a sunny breezy day is sheer bliss in my book. Galveston is no Hawaii or south Florida but it has water and sand which is good enough for me.

Last weekend I told the hubs (always a good sport) that I needed an afternoon at the beach. So, we went.

Oh, and we took Bruno. My big doggie loves the beach as much as I do. He is convinced that he will capture one of the many sea birds flying overhead. I don't know that he has realized that he is not going to wear them out. There are many birds, and only one Bruno. He is exhausted by the end of it.

Can you tell that by keeping him on the leash I am stopping him from catching a bird right at this moment??

Things Seen This Week

2007-09-13T17:04:00.000-05:00

This was quite the week for spotting characters. You know the type - people that you cannot believe are for real! Two of them had me itching to grab my cell phone and take a picture but good manners precluded that action.

1. Walking into a department store I spotted a lady of about 65 - 70 years of age. She was bleached blonde, wearing a cowboy hat, boots, vest and super tight jeans that had big letters across her butt spelling "Cowgirl!" - like anyone wouldn't have already figured out what her dream was just by the rest of her get up. She had applied her blue eye shadow and lip stick with a heavy duty paint roller. Think walking cartoon character and you'll get the picture. I was dying to stop her and ask where the costume party was being held. She mosied on into the store and did her shopping in a leisurely fashion as if nothing was awry. I kept expecting her to lasso something...

2. I walked into a nice Mexican restaurant to buy a gift certificate. The lady who was the hostess had boufant hair and was in her mid-50's. Kind of grandmotherly looking. She had applied her Super Frosted Pale Pink lipstick and outlined it with (I am not shittin' you) black eyeliner. I couldn't take my eyes off her mouth! It was freakish! I kept trying to drag my eyes back up to hers but it was impossible.

3. Had some guys doing some work in my backyard this week. One guy had the WORST pants in the world. He might as well as not been wearing them at all. The amount of crack that I saw is illegal in most states. Crack is whack.

I'm just glad tomorrow is Friday.

A Day to Remember

2007-09-11T06:27:00.000-05:00

I will never forget this day six years ago. Can it be six years already? The wound still seems too fresh.

I will never forget hearing on the radio as I dropped kids at school that a plane had hit the world trade center. My mind envisioned a small, prop type of plane. But I thought it strange and as soon as I got home I turned on the news. The pictures there and what followed was stunning and horrific. I remember thinking that our world was possibly ending. It did for many that day.

I am from Oklahoma and had already lived through the OKC bombing. We never thought anything could be worse than that.

I will take a moment and reflect on today. I will say a prayer for the families. I will say a prayer for our world and all the people in it.

The New Year

2007-09-04T21:25:00.000-05:00

The joys of a new school year.

* Trying to get kids to go to bed at a reasonable hour.
* Waking them up at an unreasonable one.
* Trying to find a spiral notebook with all of the "right" accoutrements!
* Open house

Tonight was Open House at the high school. The husband and I got to walk the schedule of our child. It always bring back memories of my school days. Mainly, how frickin' hard it is to get to class with only 5 minutes in between! Especially, when I run into people I haven't seen in forever and we MUST catch up!!

Teachers can still be dorks. First hour teacher. He made us recite what he makes the kids recite EVERY DAY. It was something about integrity, blah, blah, blah and ended with "I will have a great day!" When I was in 9th grade this would not have MADE me have a great day and it certainly does not work now.

It came home to me though that my sons are horrible story tellers. I had not heard that the first hour teacher was so retentive or that the English teacher was an Amazon, or that the coach has a port wine stain on his face the size of a coaster. I know that when I was in school I would have come home and described these things to my mother, not to make fun, but so that my mother would have a "picture" of my day at school.

The Open House was good though since we did discover the son had a 50 term literary paper due the next day. The teacher gave them plenty of time (1 week) to get it done. She explained that she had really griped at them that day and over 50% had not even started and planned to do it that night of Open House. So, I texted my son. And, much to my dismay he was in the 50% who had not started until last night. He tried to go down the "she didn't give us much time!" but I had been to Open House and could not be fooled!

Pet Peeves #423 - #427

2007-08-22T21:55:00.000-05:00

It's that time again...

#423 Don't mistake my "how are you?" for "how are you?" - When I am checking out at the dollar store or whizzing through my grocery store. I don't need an entire rundown of your ailments/problems/details. It is not appropriate. Especially when I don't know you. Dear Lady who works at Ross: I think you are super-duper. But, today when 6 people were behind me in line I did not need you to be so worried that the duck statue I purchased for the guest room would make it home with his neck in one piece. It was five frickin' ninty-nine. And, the ensuing story of the swan's and their babies? Totally not needed.

#424 Racial Slurs: Person who I took to lunch today? When I am waiting on a person driving a van to turn, and ask aloud if she needs a red carpet - I would have said it regardless of her sex, race or creed (what is a creed anyway??) or color. You did not need to throw in at this point, "Orientals." All that did was place the word "Idiot" in my head - about you.

#425 Fake cereal. Why is the Krispy Rice cereal over $1 cheaper than Rice Krispies?? Why??? They all snap, crackle and pop. They all make pefectly acceptable rice krispy treats. Are elves union?

#426 Breast cancer. Breast cancer sucks. I have a friend who is waiting on a second opinion and most likely a biopsy. She is emerging from a yucky divorce and rediscovering life just to discover the possibility of cancer.

#427 - Situations I do not know how to handle: Please help all-knowing and wise internet. Recently, we had friends come to stay and they brought their dog. Said dog seemed okay but upon their leaving the following day, I found several places where said dog "visited" and left presents. Like, poopage and pee-age (on my carpet). I believe these same friends plan to return in about a month. Do I mention the few incidentals they left behind (from their dog's behind) and ask for the dog not to come with them? Or, do I just keep my mouth shut and try to keep an eye on the offender? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I don't want the owner to feel terrible (okay, maybe a little but that was only the duration of the cleaning up period).

Tis the Season

2007-08-20T06:27:00.000-05:00

This is the time of year when you can feel the magic! The air just tingles with it! The T.V. media won't shut-up about it. Hurricane season!!

There is a very symmetrical and well-formed storm named Dean who is churning his way to a vacation in Cancun. But, according to my Doppler/Viper enhanced weatherman, Houston is in the CONE OF UNCERTAINTY. (this is the area of possibilities that this storm could hit, maybe, but only on days ending in E or a month with an R in it - kidding)

It began on Friday - these hurricane updates for an event that will not take place for over a week. We are already being whipped into panic mode because the CONE OF UNCERTAINTY shows there is a snowballs chance in hell this thing could turn north.

My parents called on Friday asking if we were evacuating. What??? Uh, no. Thanks Mr. Weatherman for scaring my parents to death. My parents who live for weather events and the weather channel. My mother who has 20-20 Hindsight and always "had a feeling something like this was going to happen."

By the end of the week, if I have had to hear the phrase CONE OF UNCERTAINTY many more times, I will have already killed myself. H-Dean will have one less Houstonian to worry about.

The Defining Moment

2007-08-14T18:20:00.001-05:00

When you look back at your life, have you ever had a defining moment? I don't know that you recognize them when you are in the midst of one. It is in retrospect, you realize that that one event changed everything?

I will tell you a story...

When I was 16 I began working for a veterinarian. "Kay" was the same age as I was and began working there around the same time. She went to a different high school and was a little shy but after a little time, we really hit it off. We became pretty close. Like, spend the night close. Tell each other our deepest secrets kind of close.

She had a different home life than I did. Her parents were divorced and she never really got to know her real dad. Her mom had remarried a doctor, so they were very well off, but her mother had a child with this man and that child seemed to grab all of the mother's attention. To put it mildly, Kay and her mother DID NOT get along very well.

For one thing, her mother would exercise the power of "no" simply to do so. No reason given, just "No, you can't go with your friends tonight." Then, when Kay turned 16 they bought her the ultimate of vehicles, a Pontiac Firebird. This was the mecca of cars, pure nirvana with raised white letters.

The summer of our senior year, as thoughts of college, dorm life and older boys! went through our heads, Kay spent the night with me. We stayed up late, laughed and talked a lot and for some reason, I took pictures of her. She posed with my dog Muffy and did a few other silly poses. I don't know why I did it. I mean, this was the day when you had to drive all the way to a FOTOMAT! Pictures took effort and negatives! and money!

The next day I worked the early shift and then waited for Kay to arrive to pick up the afternoon shift. We always liked to overlap each other so we could talk. Kay didn't arrive early. There were a few clouds in the sky so I told our lab tech (who was like a mom to us teens) "I'll bet Kay's mom said she couldn't drive because it might rain (Her mother used this excuse all of the time - it made Kay ballistic! I mean who in their right mind buys their kid an awesome sports car and then won't let them drive it but every other day not ending in Y??)

I tried to call Kay's personal phone line (imagine back before the days of cell phones). No answer. My pulse is quickening at this point. My antenna is wiggling, goosebumps bumping and radar on high alert. Something is wrong and all of my senses know it. Another 30 minutes goes by...

Our lab tech used to work at our local hospital. She says, "You know, I'll call my friend who works at the hospital and just check and make sure they haven't had any accidents come in." I wait nervously. I watch her face as she is on the phone and I know the signs of distress. Something has happened.

She gets off the phone and gives me that look. That look of "I have bad news and am getting ready to knock your world off its axis."

"They have a girl in the E.R. My friend says its Kay. She tried to kill herself."

I was prepared for a car accident but this? I find my knees buckling and I slide to the floor in shock and horror. "How? What happened?" I ask her.

"She shot herself. They still have a heartbeat and are working on her but it doesn't look good."

I ended up getting to the hospital, talking to police detectives (who were all hung up on the calendar notation 38-Special - which I had to explain was a CONCERT not a suicide directive). But, long story short - this incident fucked with my head big time. The entire rest of the summer was a blur.

I ended up going to college but finding no point in it and dropping out after 18 months. The sense of betrayal took me years to get over. Why didn't she share this plan with me? She spent the night with me the night before! You don't go and dig your step-dad's 357 magnum out of the closet, stand in front of your dresser table mirror, place the gun under your ear towards the rear of your head (where all vital organs are located - not in the more popular movie version temporal lobes) without planning a little beforehand. How could she not call me before and say "Hey, I am miserable and thinking about ending it all?" I would have talked her out of it.

The rest is as they say "history." I did go back and finish college but it took me years to figure out why I didn't finish the first time around. It wasn't until just a couple of years ago that I figured out what a pivotal point this incident played in my life.

What is Cheating?

2007-08-08T10:15:00.000-05:00

What constitutes cheating? I am not talking about in school but in marriage. What qualifies as an infidelity?

I have a friend who met someone. Then struck up a text/email/phone relationship. According to my source, nothing physical has happened. Plenty of discussion about attraction has though. There is no doubt that these two people are attracted to each other but if they haven't touched is it wrong? Could it just be a harmless flirtation that will eventually burn itself out?

So, would you consider this cheating? Yet?

Personally, I can appreciate a handsome man and I don't feel that just looking is in any way cheating on my husband. When we married I did not pluck out his eyes with a hot poker so I know he notices an especially hot girl when he sees one.

But, I am interested to know what the internet thinks about the first scenario.

The Paper Thong

2007-07-30T07:12:00.000-05:00

God, is it really Monday already?? I have been crazy trying to keep up with work and then had guests for the weekend.

But, I have been besieged with requests for the paper thong story so here goes:

Whilst in Croatia, the husband was working for three days. I had to entertain myself somehow so decided to get a massage at the Wellness Center at the hotel. I signed up for a holistic massage - didn't really know what that meant but it sounded good.

I entered the spa area and the young woman showed me to the locker room, handed me a robe and plastic slippers and told me to change. I slipped out of my clothes and put on the ginormous robe (obviously it was a one size fits all - especially if you are at least 5'9" or so!) then shuffled in my plastic shoes back to the front. She showed me into a room with the prerequisite soft music, aromatherapy and dim lighting. She then holds her hand out and says, "Put this on."

I looked at the piece of tissue paper in her hand and then back at her. I couldn't identify what this thing even was. She dangled it open and stretched it out for me to properly see that it was a tissue paper thong.

"Uh, that's okay, I left my underwear on," I feebly protested.

She frowned, shaking her head, "No, you need to put this on!"

In the face of her Croatian dominance I did - after she left the room. Then I disrobed and jumped onto the massage table, covering myself with the towel.

She re-entered and began working on my back. For future reference, a holistic massage isn't designed to relax one or feel good. She worked muscles I didn't even know I had and my grunts of pain were obviously taken as a compliment to her efforts. Then she moved to my legs.

She flipped the towel back and I could tell a bit of my flossed derrierre was peeking out. Before I could do anything, she bent my leg at the knee and commanded that I relax (note: demanding I relax rarely does the trick). She then pulled my leg out to the side and began bouncing it. This whole time I am dying because there is a definite BREEZE hitting areas of me that don't normally feel a BREEZE.

After she had properly aired all of my parts, she then had me flip over. Of course, I am keeping the towel over the girls, modestly, but she just flips the towel down and begins working on my arms and chest. No, she didn't actually touch the girls, just all around them.

I kept telling myself that in America we are too uptight about nudity and to just relax and enjoy the massage. I am still trying to convince myself of that...

They really are much more accepting of nudity in Croatia and much of Europe. We went on a boat in the Adriatic Sea for two days - snorkeling! Yes, thats me!!

But, while out and about, we anchored in a swimming beach area. The hubs and I jumped out and snorkeling all the way up to the beach. That's when we realized that it was a nude beach.

The naked father and daughter (who was at least 10-12 years old!) playing football was yucky. I am sorry, but I will never be that comfortable with nudity. Several grandmas were making sure they had no tan lines and many men were stripped of their Speedos.

After awhile, we snorkeled at a more deserted area and my host was able to find and spear this octopus. They eat a lot of octopus in this part of the world. I had octopus salad once. It was okay, kinda chewy, tastes like chicken.

Back to Reality

2007-07-19T06:38:00.000-05:00

I kept threatening to never return home. Why leave Paradise??

But, the hubs dragged me home by the hair and here I am thoroughly and pitifully jet-lagged. I could barely stay up until 8:30 last night (my body clock is 7 hours ahead) and then woke up and could not get back to sleep at 2:30 this morning.

Since I am brain dead - I will leave you with some photos.

The hubs in Rome next to the Colliseum.

Walking the wall in Dubrovnik, Croatia. Okay, I guess I am taking a break. There were a lot of stairs and my legs were aching the next day. But, look at the incredible water of the Adriatic!

As soon as I recover, I will tell you the tales of octopus hunting, wearing a paper thong and nude beaches!

Prego!

2007-07-10T15:44:00.000-05:00

Ciao all! Ooops, let me adjust my new fat roll over my pants. The food in Italia is so amazing I have gained I am sure 10 lbs.

Quick update: More to follow...

Venice was amazing by personal water taxi. The guy we hired took us through the Grand Canal and then once we hit the Lido area of open water really opened it up and we sped through while standing up on the back of the boat. It totally felt like I was in a The Italian Job or a James Bond movie. What would be my name if I was a Bond girl? Debbie Does Venice? Chickie Canal? Oh, I don't know! It was a blast and the perfect way to see Venice!

Florence was hot and crowded and next time I will travel to the Tuscany countryside. Rome was also hot and crowded but the Trevi Fountain was impressive as was the Sistine Chapel. Our personal favorite was the Colleseum, which got voted in as a New Seven Wonders of the World WHILE I WAS THERE!!!!

We are now touring Croatia where so far I know they love fish. I had about 5 different kinds at dinner. I don't have anything against fish but I am from the south were we love things that go oink and moo.

Gratzi and Arrivedecci!

Ramblin' Fever

2007-07-01T08:05:00.000-05:00

Last night I went to see one of my all time favorite country music legends. I have literally loved his music since I was about 17 years old but I have never seen him live. There was a time a few years ago, I thought about buying tickets but then I was afraid that I would be disappointed because he would be OLD.

Well, since this is my summer of fulfilling items on my life list (remember, I am the bra and panties phenom and traveling to far away places!) I decided that we should just do it.

Merle came to the local race track. I begged, I mean asked two other couples to go. Both of the menfolk LOVE that Hag too. We figured we would all get there a little early and watch some horse racing.

We got there about the 8th race. Once I had a beer in one hand, I grabbed a racing form with the other. All the men were asking each other "who you gonna go with?". My husband, knowing me better than anyone else, came and asked me for my pointers. I told him which two would be "good money."

He bet on them both. I let him decide the order and how (win, place, show, exacta etc.). They loaded the horses (and these were quarter horses, might I add, can't help you with Thoroughbreds) then they were off and my two finished 1st and 2nd. Our friends now look at me like I have changed right in front of their eyes.

"Did I not mention that I grew up racing quarter horses and my dad and I hung out at the various tracks with our trainer?" I told them wide-eyed and innocent. My dad is a true horseman and knew a good piece of horse flesh. And, how to pick the ponies at the track.

After that the guys all did whatever I told them. I picked two horses in the next 5 races and everytime my horses were in the money. I was even shocking myself with my accuracy. There was a guy sitting at a table next to us studying racing forms and making notes. You could tell he was serious about it and another friendly (read drunk here) couple that had attached themselves to our party were asking him for tips. He said the #1 horse, I leaned back and said, "#3 is my favorite, and the #1 would be my second). In that race the order was 6, 3 and 1.

After I shoved all our winnings into my purse we headed towards the infield stage for Merle. It was 11:00pm by now and I was getting a little worried about Merle. Good Lord, the man is over 70! You know he needs his sleep....and maybe Metamucil.

Have no fear, when he hit the stage, he was all Merle. He's got so many hits he couldn't do them all but he did Big City and Okie from Muskogee which were crowd favorites.

He didn't do two of my personal favorites Misery and Gin and Sing Me Back Home which was a bummer but I couldn't stay mad at him. He is still a hell of an entertainer who loves what he does.

The Whipping Girl

2007-06-27T15:05:00.001-05:00

Ever have one of those days where you feel like everyone is using you as their punching bag? Well, today has been mine. It all started first thing this morning before 8 am.

In my line of work, there is a certain order of things. We need design drawings in order to fabricate the piece needed for the job. The operating company will usually employ an engineering company to do those drawings. Then we are stuck waiting for the drawings....all while the clock ticks. When the work doesn't get done, company #1 tends to go right to us and complain that we haven't accomplished the said task. If you aren't careful you can get into a really fun game of finger pointing. I refuse to go that route. In order to avoid that certain low road today I had to do a lot of ....hmmm....bending over. Let's just say today has helped me become quite limber.

That's not the only fire I was fighting either. I am trying to bring in a bit of work that is different than our usual scope. Same type of work, just different design. The field I am in seems overly resistant to change. Maybe all fields are this way. It's frustrating to be locked into one avenue of experience and work. I know everyone wants guarantees and assurances that the job will be done when it is supposed to be done. The thing is all of my people HAVE that experience with this exact type of work, it's just my company name has not been associated with it before.

Okay, I have vented and I feel much better. I am opening up the floor to other frustrating work stories. Or funny ones.

Where I Gripe about Healthcare

2007-06-25T11:50:00.000-05:00

I got a phone call from a friend of mine this morning. She is in the hospital. She thought her MS was acting up but knew that she had to go another 13 months before her insurance would pay for any treatment. She had to be treatment free from any MS related symptom in order to get coverage. So that has meant that she has been ignoring these symptoms (numbness on her left side, blurry vision, headaches). It got bad enough that she went into the doctor yesterday anyway. She found out she was having signs of a STROKE. She is 32 years old and healthy.

The bad news? She almost waited too long due to her stupid insurance. The good news? Her insurance will cover this. It's a crazy world when doctors no longer dictate treatment for a patient.

Took the youngest in for a routine physical this morning. I can do that because I have good insurance. My co-pay is only $15. Doesn't matter if we are having a routine physical or chemotherapy. Always costs the same.

The pediatrician wanted to check his blood work so we trudged down to the lab. There posted on the wall was a form for Newborn Screenings. Scrawled across in pen was the word "Exsample". Let's hope they are just conducting blood tests down there and not spelling tests. Yikes.

The Mounties!

2007-06-21T19:51:00.000-05:00

I had to run through the mall the other day. While there I could not help but be impressed with the security guard. Okay, security might be a stretch... as well as, guard.

The female in discussion here had the requisite dark-colored, polyester, high rider pants with the pale blue stripe down the leg. Her white, short sleeve shirt was buttoned all the way up with some assorted bling here and there.

Here is what got me. This woman was 70 if she was a day. And, she weighed all of 102 pounds. Dripping wet. She had the dowager hump going on. Obviously, she suffered from a calcium deficiency. If I was a gangster I don't believe this "security guard" would inspire a desire to walk the line.

Her true crowning glory was the hat. The hat did any Canadian Mountie proud. Those brims could knock merchandise from shelves without even trying.

Who interviewed this woman for the job? This is a woman I could see handing out tasty samples at the grocery store, not working security at the mall. I did look back to make sure she wasn't packing heat. And, no I did not see a firearm on her hip (thank God!).

S0, I ask you....what is the point of having mall security? Is it simply to fill a position? Is it to truly provide security from teens with money at the mall? Or does this woman simply dress like this everyday as some sort of costume or security guard fantasy?

Golf - A Four Letter Word

2007-06-18T06:12:00.001-05:00

While I was on sabbatical from blogging, I decided to buy golf clubs. I have always had a bit of an interest in chasing a little white ball with a stick but never had time before. Now in my job, I can golf and get paid while doing so!

What pushed me in do it was being asked to help at an industry tournament. I went to help with check in. Once we had all the golfers in their carts the club manager came out and asked who was driving the beverage cart. The company didn't know about this. Slowly I raised my hand. And, that was how I ended up being the "beer muffin". Not that it wasn't fun and I got to meet ever person out there playing (not to mention I could have made a ton of money in tips - but I did not accept the tips nor the tacky pick up lines) but I don't want to always be the beer girl.

So, how hard could this golf thing be? I have played tennis, I work out and as I approached this new sport, I thought to myself, "This should be simple" The ball isn't moving, you walk everywhere or ride in a cool golf cart, and I see old people doing it all the time. I figured in a couple weeks I would be the new Tiger or maybe I should say the new Angel Cabrera (he won the US Open yesterday). So, I jumped right in convinced it was a matter of just a few weeks...

Steps to golfing:

1. Spend a ton of money on a set of clubs.

2. Go to driving range and hit the ball pretty decent. Swing needs work. My hand/eye coordination kicks ass!

3. Take a golf lesson.

4. Now understand just how much I suck at this game.

5. Go to driving range and completely overthink the process. Can't hit the ball to save my own life!

6. Take another lesson. Aha! quite revealing to see oneself on video (after I stop critiquing weight, hair and outfit and just look at stance, head position and swing)

7. Practice, practice, practice.

8. This game is fucking hard. Damn.

Rest easy Tiger, Angel and Michelle - no threat here.

It's Friday...Already??

2007-06-15T06:28:00.000-05:00

This week has flown by. Summer has arrived which where I live means a daily dousing of rain mixed with 90+ temps. Now that's lovely weather. Especially for my hair.

We saw the traveling Broadway show Spamalot this week. The best parts were the ones from the movie Monty Python and The Holy Grail. The rest of it was just okay. But, that type of humor is not really my favorite. I am not a "Three Stooges" kind of person. Actually, I find Monty Python to be kind of like Napoleon Dynamite. When you watch the actual movie you sit there thinking...."this is stupid" but then when you TELL someone else about it, you find yourself laughing your ass off.

I must report the useage of an "irregardless" this week. How can I get the message to the masses that this is NOT a word???

My parents are funny people. If you give them something they will act like it is the BEST THING ever. It's nice. More people should learn to be gift receivers like this.

My Dad: "I got the first box of fruit from the Fruit of the Month club you sent. Pears and cherries are my favorite fruits."

me: "Really?"

My Dad: "The cherries are amazing! They are practically the size of apples and are the best I have ever tasted!"

me: "Wow, that's great."

Of course, I have not actually witnessed these gargantuan cherries and they are probably just normal sized but it made me feel really good as the Gift Giver.

Happy Father's Day to everyone out there. I'm so grateful to still have mine.

Pink-ish

2007-06-12T17:04:00.000-05:00

I kind of like Pink. Not the color. The singer. I like her attitude and darn it, her songs are downright catchy.

I listen to a pretty "mom-ish" radio station normally while in the car. They play top 40 pop stuff. It makes me feel trendy without all the rap and hip hop (not that I don't just LOVE "Whatch you no bout me? Whatch you know bout me? My lip gloss be popping! My lip gloss be cool" sorry...I digress)

But, the other day I actually tuned in enough to listen to the words to Pink's Song U & Ur Hand. I found myself taking a swift intake of breath. Shocking. This song is being played everywhere and its about mastu...okay, I can't even type it....rhymes with casturbation. I have never heard the d.j.'s say anything about the lyrics and must surmise that I am either A. the only person who has figured this out or B. I am the only person who has actually listened to the lyrics in this song. Maybe because of Pink's poor spelling in the title, no one has guessed what this song is talking about. (the whole creative spelling thing? don't get me started!)

Click below and take a listen. ***my link is not working but you can type in Pink U Ur hand in the search and pull it up on the YouTube site. My link below will take you to You tube***

Pink's Song

I can no longer listen to this song with my kids in the car.

Italia & more!

2007-06-11T08:37:00.000-05:00

I spent most of the weekend planning our trip to Italy. I am never happier than when I am planning an event. It gets all my brain cells firing and the adrenaline hums through my system.

You see, this will be my third trip to Europe. The first was a work thing so they took care of all the sight-seeing, connections and transportation. The second was with the oldest and his friend and I planned EVERYTHING. Hotels, train schedules, sights etc.etc. Rick Steve's travel books are my bible!

Well, for the Italy part of our trip, I am again in the driver's seat. Which is just the way I like it. I am not a "group tour" kind of person. I like to be flexible and creative. The hubs and I like to move at our own pace, which is a fast one. I like to stay at small boutique hotels that maybe have 7-10 rooms. I am all set up in Venice, Florence and Rome. I want to ride a bike through Florence so plan to rent a couple.

The first part of our trip the hubs and I will be on our own. Then we will go to Croatia for work stuff. See the picture? That is Dubrovnik on the Dalmation Coast. I will be spending three days here. It gives me shivers just thinking about it.

This will be the most exotic locale I have ever visited. I am sure I will annoy you with tons of pictures afterwards.

I will never forget going to a friend's house and his dad got out his 10,000 slides of Colorado. This dad had never really said much before but low and behold! He managed to narrate each and every picture of each and every Aspen tree that happened to be growing that year. I will try not to be that way.

Friday Craziness

2007-06-07T20:52:00.000-05:00

When my 10-year old says, "I like mixed drinks." I pause with eyebrows lifted and he finishes, "taste this, mom, it's coke, Dr. Pepper and Sprite all mixed together!" (thank goodness!)

I just watched "The Chronicles of Riddick" with Vin Diesel. I could be blind and just fall in love with this dude's VOICE. But, open your eyes and he is awe inspiring!

"It's been a long time since I smelled beautiful." from the Chronicles of Riddick.

Here is a question I have about most movies that deal with a violent future.

Why is it always so dirty? Do we lose the ability shower? Do we lose the formula for toothpaste and deodorant? Or is the fashion to have streaks of dirt on your forehead and arms?

"Put on a fresh pair of panties! We're gonna do this right!"

from the Chronicles of Riddick

I had a need to kill some time one day this week so I popped into my friendly Barnes & Noble to read up on Italy (yes, I AM GOING TO ITALY!!). While reading about What Not To Wear the book advised against wearing shorts due to the fact that many of the churches frown upon them. Here was the advice, "Borrow a nearby tablecloth for a skirt or kilt to cover your legs."

Now, that is advice that could get you out of many a jam.

"It's an animal thing." from the Chronicles of Riddick.

Lest you all think I am fickle, please know that Vin Diesel cannot ever replace my man Tommy Lee.

Happy Friday to ya'll!

The Banana Post

2007-06-05T16:20:00.000-05:00

Stop reading now if the word penis or anything similar to that word bothers you. And, don't let the door hit ya on the ass on your way out!

Okay - now that its just you and me - You know what a deep thinker I am. And, sometimes I am discover a conundrum of ginormous preportions.

We all know that men think their penis's are the best thing in the whole wide world, right? We always hear certain phrases extolling their size "hung like a horse", "they call me tripod", or here is one I just heard today, "It was so awesome, I grew 10 inches taller and so did my dick!". Plus, they offer tubesteak like it is filet mignon. Certain by-products are even compared to pearl necklaces. Not to mention, the family jewels.

Well then, if this organ is of such virture why do they then use it as the ultimate insult? Why is someone who has been deemed stupid or a jerk referred to as a dickhead, a whanker, a cocksucker, a weinie, or a prick?? Does this make sense?

I will not rest until this question is answered...

The Watch

2007-06-02T15:02:00.000-05:00

Recently for the big anniversary, I purchased a new watch for the hubs. I have long been a $10 Wal-mart watch person but someone I know - his nickname is Big Love (and thats a whole other story) has been harping, I mean preaching, I mean extolling the virtures of expensive, flashy, big name watches.

I started noticing watches. And, I must admit I began appreciating nicer watches. So, I emptied my piggy bank and went and bought the hubs THIS WATCH

The lady that sold it to me was....hmmm...shall we say, ditsy? Cara was very nice and knew her way somewhat around a Tag Heuer watch but still while flight-checking me on all the features she said something that almost made me pee in my pants.

Cara was telling me the depth in which the watch could be taken down in water. (note here: if my husband EVER wore this watch to go diving up to 600 meters, I would KILL him - he can wear his cheap ass Timex watch for that). Cara finished with a brilliant smile and said, "The watch is almost self-destructible!"

I looked at her to see if she caught her own error. But, alas, Cara just waited for me to say the magic words, "I'll take it!" Hmmm, either she made a verbal error or my poor hubby's arm could ALMOST be blown off at any moment.

So far, so good.

MADS

2007-05-30T20:01:00.000-05:00

What is MADS?? Mothers Against Drunk Swimmers - read on to understand

Day Two of the Romantic Weekend:

The hubs and I decided to try and find a New York Style Pizza by the Slice place we had seen in the aforementioned beach town (sorry to interrupt this program but legally I must inform you that you should NOT take directions to anywhere from me). I recommended making a right out of hotel. Did I mention that we were on foot? Did I mention it was bright and sunny and I have 0% pigment in my skin?

After about 35 minutes of walking, we walked ourselves into a store that sold melanoma-NO! (also known as sun screen) and applied liberally.

"Hmmmm, I thought it was this way" was said many times in additonal 25 minutes of walking. At this point, defeat was admitted and we turned around to walk the same hour back to our hotel. We ate a beachside style hamburger, instead of a NY style slab of pizza. Once we made it back to the hotel the swim up bar was screaming my name and we ran down to the pool.

Sipping sensibly on our margaritas we watched a family that we had noticed the day before. Perfect and nuclear - one mom, one dad, one boy, one girl. Then I noticed that the mom came and sat down on the edge of the pool, in her clothes. I knew her butt was going to have a ginormous wet spot on it when she stood back and up and made a mental note of "Hmmm, that's weird". Then I realized I had seen the dad griping at the waitress because she was out of Malibu Rum.

Something about this family kept making the hubs and I stare like visitors to the zoo. The family had finally gotten their stuff altogether and were ready to leave the pool area. That's when I realize that the mom CANNOT STAND UP. She was drunk, wasted, shit-faced, plowed, bombed, you know, three sheets to the wind. The son (age 12?) is trying to help her up and she cannot do it. Then when she does finally get up, we all got the pleasure of seeing her now totally wet ass. I do not even know these people and I was incredibly embarassed.

The hubs says that he saw the dad argueing with the waitress about the lack of Malibu Rum and the girl told him "You drank the whole bottle!". The mom had to sit down again on a chair while the boy and girl waited. Finally the family made their way out of the pool area.

I hope these people ordered room service and did not climb into the family van in search of dinner. I can't even imagine the permanent damage done to these kids. It was obviously NOT the first time they'd had to help mom and dad back to their room.

Oh and we went back in our car to clock our mileage. We walked a little over 5 miles that day. The pizza place? It was the opposite direction, not even an 1/8 of a mile!

Even I was Aghast!

2007-05-28T14:01:00.001-05:00

Since it was our anniversary and since we have a child old enough to be "in charge," the hubs and I headed to the beach for a romantic weekend. I made reservations at a very nice hotel that had a great pool with a swim up bar. We spent Saturday poolside, sipping on margaritas, in between calling the boys and saying things like, "have you let the dogs outside?", and "well, he wouldn't cry if you wouldn't yell at him," and "wake your brothers up and make them take care of you."

On the advice of the hotel concierge, we decided to visit an upscale nightclub called "21" on Saturday night. Being the old farts that we are, we arrived about 8:15pm and the place was practically empty. It was very nice, tables around the outside of the dance floor but also some interesting upholstered chairs and sofas in the middle of the room and a stage for the band. The place began to fill up quickly and we were happy to have grabbed a couple of the nicer chairs.

A foursome showed up and took the sofa and two chairs in front of us. The two ladies were black and made Venus and Serena Williams look like normal sized people. (I am only giving you skin color so you can truly picture the evening along with me)The two men they were with were white. The ladies had on what looked to be wedding rings. I assumed they were married to the two men, who also sported wedding rings. The two girls sat in the middle and the men on either side.

In the meantime, another group of partiers (all white and who had obviously started quite early and were getting way past drunk!) accosted, I mean, befriended us. Peggy and Angie were the most outgoing in the group and were quite chatty.

Then the band started. One of the amazon girls got up and danced a slow dance with the other girl's "husband" and I was a little startled at how close together they danced and where they placed their hands on each other. If one of my friends danced with my husband like that we would be exchanging some words like "Hey Bitch, get your hands off my man's ass!"

The other group, Peggy and Angie especially, kept asking me and the hubs to dance, so we did. Then Peggy grabbed the remaining black girl and made her come up. Well, the two of them started dancing and really the term "dirty dancing" doesn't EVEN cover what was happening on that dance floor. They caressed each other's lady lumps and bumped each other in their **whisper** privates!!!

The hubs and I were dancing nearby. Okay, I may have reduced my movements down to a slight sway as I went into shock. As we went back to our seat there was another couple who had sat close to us and I couldn't stop myself but said to them, "I am just a mom of three kids who is in a little over her head out there!" They busted out laughing and said the look on my face was hilarious when I was on the dance floor watching the girl on girl contortions.

The two amazon girls then switched male "friends" and proceeded to rub, lay their legs over and caress the opposite guy they each came in with. The hubs informed me that he was pretty sure these were "Rental Girlfriends". You know... workin' girls.

16 Big Ones

2007-05-24T07:51:00.001-05:00

Sixteen years of paying bills, cleaning up after kids, doing laundry, moving state to state, a little bickering here and there...

Sixteen years of great sex, friendship, laughter, and watching our kids turn out to be awesome people...

Happy Anniversary to me and the hubs. I wouldn't change a thing if I could. Guess what he gave me this morning? A homemade coupon for 7 sets of matching bras and panties. It's one of my life goals - all together now yell "Check that one off the life list, Debbie!"

Not As I Do

2007-05-21T05:45:00.000-05:00

There is a certain style of parenting out there that I can't stand. It is like the world's longest fingernails on the world's largest chalkboard for me.

Certain people come to parenting with a, uh....history. A past. Maybe they used to do drugs. Maybe they drank like camels. Maybe they were a wee bit on the easy side (and I don't mean easy going personality). Sometimes when these type of people become parents they turn into Uber-Parents.

"Oh, I KNOW what goes on out there so I am going to make sure Little Timmy doesn't do any of that. So, we threaten him with a fate worse than death every other day that he had better not be smokin' crack." Little Timmy could be four, hanging with his friends at the local Christian preschool.

Seriously, I am thinking of a certain individual right now that acts like this. Her child is 13 and not exactly in THAT group of kids. He is a nerd. There is no nice way to say this but he is. He doesn't get invited to boy-girl parties. He is a late bloomer who still could pass for a 5th grader. I doubt this kid is offered much by popular minded middle-schoolers, let alone drugs.

Put your "it happens to everyone" arguements away. That will be for a different post. The one entitled, "But my child doesn't look old enough or isn't popular enough to be this bad". We will cover that topic one day but not today. I can assure you this particular kids only addiction is video games and nacho cheese Doritoes.

My point is I find this type of parenting insulting to the child. I have never treated my children as if they WILL be bad because I did certain thing (and trust me I did! We shall save the car stealing, drinking and drugs for another post too!!). I have always treated them as if they WILL do the RIGHT thing and are smart and good. I think its ridiculous to hyper-parent just because YOU did something wrong. It does not predispose your kid to wrong doings.

Congratulations to TypeLittlea, Tink and Renee at FroggieMom for winning the CD's. I am in a hurry or I would put links here (sorry).

Hello?? Anyone home??

2007-05-17T17:48:00.000-05:00

After much begging and pleading (okay, I might be exaggerating just a tad) I have decided to come out of retirement. I am holding a contest but read on for more on that...

I know I talked about starting a new blog and maybe I did for all you know. Yeah, that's right, that's what I did and it's where I talk about crazy, monkey sex, wild drinking binges and nights filled with Ecstasy, more orgies....okay, well, you get the idea.

I have been busy working and trying to maintain my "Heatherishness" which isn't easy you know. In between the hard work of making phone calls and taking people to lunch, there are the mandatory pedicures, manicures, and shopping for clothes. There is also the tough job of updating my witty conversation in which to stun the customers which entails keeping up with all things topical like, American Idol, Lost, what country Brangelina and Madonna have adopted a child from today and what kind of sweet treat is Katie Holmes Cruise buying the set crew on her new movie. (note to anyone from the set crew reading this: check the candy for notes. I think this is how she is trying to secretly send messages to rescue her from "His Craziness" Tom).

Okay, here's the contest. The first three people to comment will win a mix CD of my favorite songs from my MP3 player. Please send me your email address so I can contact you and mail your CD - if you are the lucky winner!

Leave the Light On

2007-03-05T05:53:00.000-06:00

I believe we blog for a reason.

What was mine? I have always loved to write. Never thought I was overly gifted as a writer but that never stopped me from trying. Writing is a skill that does improve with lots and lots of practice.

But, I started to blog as an outlet. I was at a point in my life where my life was changing and I needed to write and I needed to know other people to get me through. You did.

Blogging was a life preserver that I grabbed onto and didn't let go for almost two years. My oldest was graduating and leaving home for college. This change in my circumstances made me question who I was and where was I going. It's like arriving at an undiscovered spot in the jungle and looking around to try and figure out - Okay, how to I survive here?

My husband's career was and is great and he is enjoying it and the other two kids are certainly not babies anymore. I needed to find me again. My identity as a wife and mother simply was not enough anymore. So, not only did I not recognize the terrain in my new jungle but I didn't recognize the person in the mirror anymore.

My fellow blogging friends are all at different places in their life. Some are newly married, unmarried, pregnant with their first babies or dealing with school age kids and not so new marriages. Some are divorced and discovering a new life on their own. This wonderful mixture gave me balance - usually a good laugh and sometimes a tear or two. Most importantly, it gave me a hand up and out of the darkness. Prozac? Who needs it? Just blog!

I may be back. But if I do I may start a new blog and this time not tell anyone who knows me. The next time around I would like to be brutally honest and too many people read my blog who know me in my "real" life.

But for right now, I am simply done. My empty spot has been filled (for the moment!). So, thank you and take care out there. I'll still be checking on you so please, leave the light on.

It All Adds Up

2007-02-27T06:45:00.000-06:00

1 son's birthday
+
3rd track meet
+
18 hour day trip to Louisiana
+
1 PTO meeting
+
5 days work compressed into 4
+
7 Friends and a Girl's Weekend

Total?

No blogging this week!

Friday!

2007-02-23T06:50:00.000-06:00

Big News! I had my second Heather Locklear comparison!!! And, this time I didn't even have sunglasses on!

Scenario: In Subway with the youngest grabbing dinner before a track meet. (btw, Heather and I love turkey on wheat - yes, toasted!). The young sandwich artist guy says, "you look just like Heather Locklear!" to which I began laughing, so then he says, "I'll bet you get that all the time!"

Well, actually, you would be #2.

And other news:

Will Anna Nicole ever RIP?
At Starbucks, if you order hot tea (I recommend Wild Sweet Orange - my fav!) a Grande costs the same as a Venti. Why? Because both use two tea bags.
Are you already tired of Presidential Nominee talk? I am, and it has barely begun.

Cats & Dogs:

It cracks me up how different boys and girls are. For example, the other morning, the 14 year old is preparing to exit the car at his school. A boy is walking right by my car and mine says, "he's the coolest 7th grader." Then he gets out, the younger boy turns and sees mine, and mine sees him see him, but they both do not say a word. Don't even acknowledge each other. It just struck me how different two girls would be. They would smile and say hello. I believe the two boys did that, they just speak a totally different language.

Have a great weekend!

Rainy Days and Mondays....

2007-02-19T07:41:00.000-06:00

Things I hate:

1. A head cold complete with gallons of goo and a throat tickle that makes me cough but makes me sound like I am almost throwing up.
2. Drivers who do not use turn signals.
3. The use of the word "orientate" over the word "orient". I have researched and supposably the word orientate is acceptable but it just sounds wrong to me.

Things I like:

1. A lazy, sunny weekend complete with a family hike and lots of movie watching.
2. A really good cup of coffee
3. This SONG

Here's a quickie childhood memory:

When I was growing up, and my mother was driving she would always have us do this. If someone let her into a lane or pull in front of them she would make me and my two brothers wave like crazy people. I don't remember my dad ever making us wave, just my mom.

"Wave! Everyone wave at that nice man!" So, all of us in the car would wave like our hands were on fire.

In my new job, I am driving a lot. The other day when I let this family in their mini-van pull out in front of me they all turned around and waved and waved like I was the nicest person in the world.

So, let someone cut in front of you today and if someone let's you in, wave until your wrist hurts.

Buddy Finds His Home

2007-02-13T05:18:00.000-06:00

Read previous post to fully understand what is going on here but....

I got a call from a lady (obviously Asian) about the dog I found. She was able to identify that he was a male, and wearing a thin black collar.

She and her son came to my house to pick him up. She looked familiar and she smiles and says, "I work at nail salon." I swear I thought her next words would be "So, you no work today?"

Instead I found out that Buddy is one of three named..."Foo-Foo", "Boo-Boo" and last but not least, "Lu-Lu."

Is it any wonder the dog ran away from home?

She and her son were very sweet and thankful. I gave them the "talk" about getting him neutered or he was going to just run away again. I wish Buddy, er, I mean Foo-Foo well.

A Simple Stop at the Store

2007-02-12T16:00:00.000-06:00

It's only been like two weeks since Sandy my little fawn pug died. I was adjusting to life with only two dogs (ONLY TWO! Please insert sarcasm here) and was plugging along. The kids immediately wanted another dog to which I said, "Oh no, we don't NEED another dog. But, if we had to rescue one or something then maybe we would."

Bite my stupid, fat, wagging tongue!

A trip to Wal-mart yesterday included this:

This poor little thing was dashing in and out of cars in the parking lot....in the rain. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't leave him there! He was scared to death and searching for someone to help him.

We got him home and the other two dogs fell in love immediately. I would guess that he is about a year old and a rat terrier. He is not neutered and on the skinny side. His coat isn't as shiny as it should be which says to me "cheap dog food."

I have posted signs but no one has called yet. He was wearing a little black collar but no tags. He is really the sweetest thing. Gentle, non-aggressive. I am able to sit and pet him while he eats even.

He seems very smart and he is very lovable. Okay, I admit it, I am falling for him. Is it a bad sign that the youngest son has named him "Buddy"?

Please! Anyone out there want a really sweet, small dog??

Happy Friday

2007-02-09T16:02:00.000-06:00

Whacky week in the news.

Just when you thought you couldn't listen to another word about crazy astronaut love triangles, Anna-Nicole decides to check out and now she is all I hear about. Bring back the crazy astronauts, please!

What one thing did Anna-Nicole contribute to society? Can she even entertain? (and no, I don't believe lap dancing is an acceptable form of entertainment), does she have a talent (and no, being able to float without wearing a flotation device does not count), can she sing? Is she even a humanitarian and nice to other people? No, no and no. So, why is on my t.v. 24/7?

But let's back up to the Crazy Killer Astronaut Lady . She drove 900 miles with a pellet gun, duct tape and tubing whilst wearing a diaper so as not to have to stop and pee. That sounds pretty stupid but I got stuck on a major interstate the other day and let's just say my back teeth were FLOATING. I was in pain and could not get off the road! They had closed it due to a three car pile up.

I am thinking the whole diaper thing is not a bad idea. I'm wondering what the extra padding would look like under my clothes - maybe a little bulky? Not too sexy? Do you think that the fast food places would mind if I use their bathroom diaper changing stations to "clean up" every now and then? Don't want to encounter diaper rash.

I could change my blog name to DebbieDepends!!

Have a great weekend!